Jensen the Vampire Slayer
annella is having a BIG HUGE CRAZY RPS AU FUNTIME EXTRAVAGANZA. I stole a Buffy the Vampire slayer prompt where Jensen is Buffy and Jared is Angel.
Mostly because I can explain away all the S1 Emo!Angel brooding as Jared having to go over 200 years without candy. And really. It does explain so much.
So I've been foolishly encouraged and will now inflict it on you.
Now expanded (and given a beta pass) on AO3 || Dreamwidth || LJ
Jensen stormed from The Bronze. Dammit all to hell, it was supposed to be different here. He was supposed to be different here. He was supposed to be normal again. No more "saving the world" bullshit. He was supposed to make normal friends. Like Chad. Sure Chad was the stereotypical dumb jock. But he'd been a normal dumb jock who hadn't immediately tried to give Jensen a swirly. He'd even stopped giving them to Misha when Jensen forced the issue. Chad - who was probably telling the world that the new LA Transfer was not only queer but psychotic - just because Jensen had almost killed him with a wooden stake.
At least Sandy was safe. She and Misha were probably never going to talk to him again either. Not that Misha had gotten much past stammering but that wasn't the point!
The point was that it was all that librarian's fault. If Jim Beaver hadn't gotten in his face about his "destiny" then none of this would be happening. Why couldn't they just leave him alone? He'd never wanted any of this - slayers were supposed to be girls for crying out loud. It was bad enough people heard "Jenny" and "cheerleader" and assumed he was a girl. Now "Destiny" had to go having gender issues.
Jeff Morgan had gotten killed trying to train Jensen to be a slayer. Even if he wasn't going to be a slayer, Jensen wasn't about to let Jeff's death mean nothing. He could sense someone stalking him as he fled the club. He ducked around the corner and took the guy by surprise.
The guy was quick to recover and he had the reach on Jensen. He managed to get away from Jensen and backed up quickly with his hands outstretched.
"Um. Hey. It's - There's no problem here."
"You're right," Jensen responded. "You follow me; I kick your ass. No problem at all."
The guy stepped out into the light. Holy shit. He was drop dead gorgeous. "I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite. Truth is, I thought you'd be taller, or bigger muscles and all that. You're pretty spry, though."
Drop dead gorgeous and slayer stalker. Just my luck. "You forgot 'and a girl'"
"No, I'd already heard about LA - " The guy broke off and looked down sheepishly. Obviously he'd realized that bringing up LA was not the way to improve this conversation.
"What. Do. You. Want?" Jensen bit out.
"The same thing you do," said Drop Dead Gorgeous with earnest puppy dog eyes no less. It wasn't fair. It really wasn't.
Jensen refused to be swayed. He was normal now. He wasn't a slayer anymore. "Ok then. What do I want?"
Drop Dead Gorgeous stepped forward. Something unidentifiable changed in his demeanor. He was suddenly a lot more deadly looking. "To kill them. To kill them all."
Jensen studiously ignored the part of his brain that wanted to reply Woof. "I'm sorry," he chirped instead, "that's the wrong answer. Enjoy your parting gift of a year's subscription to 'Losers Quarterly'. What I want? Is to be left alone!"
Jensen spun away. Whatever this guy was doing, Jensen was having no part of it. Drop Dead Gorgeous grabbed for him. Jensen was too tired to stop him. It wasn't because he was hoping Drop Dead Gorgeous would suddenly see the error of his ways, turn out to be gay and run off with Jensen. It wasn't. Really. Although now that Jensen was close enough to see that the shirt was actually covered in paisley pink designs, the "turn out to be gay" part didn't seem much of a stretch.
"Do you really think that's an option anymore?" DDG was saying. DDG? No, he'd have to think of something better to call him. Maybe he'd ask Sandy, if she was still speaking to him. Jensen shook his head slightly to focus back on what he was being told. "You're standing at the Mouth of Hell and it's about to open. If you turn your back on this, you're only going to get a dagger in it."
"Are you not listening? I'm not the slayer anymore."
"I don't think you can just stop."
"I miss normal conversations!"
"And I miss candy. That's not the point." He shoved something into Jensen's hands. "My point is that you need to be ready."
"Ready for what?"
"The Harvest. The Harvest is coming soon." And with that insanely cheesy yet chillingly creepy line, Drop Dead Gorgeous spun around and left. His duster trailed out behind him in the breeze and really made his shoulders look like a work of art. Jensen would bet his entire shoe collection that was the reason he wore a duster in the first place. Damn him. Definitely at least bi. Not that Jensen cared. Gorgeous but crazy was not something he was having in his life anymore.
He looked at what he'd been holding in his hands. It was a jewelry box. Inside was a silver cross. When Jensen wore it the next day it was going to be because it matched his rings. That was all.
fin
Author's Notes: the cast in my head is:
Jensen=Buffy
Jared=Angel (Jareth=Angelus)
Chad=Cordelia
Sandy=Willow
Misha=Xander
Jim=Giles
JDM=Whatever the name was for the first watcher from the movie
Kane=Oz
Katie Cassidy=Jenny
Genevieve=Darla
I also have a cracktastic work around for the curse. So it would not be an epically tragic thing full of EmoAngst&Woe. 'cause that shit pisses me off.
More scenes (and given a beta pass) on AO3 || Dreamwidth || LJ
Mostly because I can explain away all the S1 Emo!Angel brooding as Jared having to go over 200 years without candy. And really. It does explain so much.
So I've been foolishly encouraged and will now inflict it on you.
Now expanded (and given a beta pass) on AO3 || Dreamwidth || LJ
Jensen stormed from The Bronze. Dammit all to hell, it was supposed to be different here. He was supposed to be different here. He was supposed to be normal again. No more "saving the world" bullshit. He was supposed to make normal friends. Like Chad. Sure Chad was the stereotypical dumb jock. But he'd been a normal dumb jock who hadn't immediately tried to give Jensen a swirly. He'd even stopped giving them to Misha when Jensen forced the issue. Chad - who was probably telling the world that the new LA Transfer was not only queer but psychotic - just because Jensen had almost killed him with a wooden stake.
At least Sandy was safe. She and Misha were probably never going to talk to him again either. Not that Misha had gotten much past stammering but that wasn't the point!
The point was that it was all that librarian's fault. If Jim Beaver hadn't gotten in his face about his "destiny" then none of this would be happening. Why couldn't they just leave him alone? He'd never wanted any of this - slayers were supposed to be girls for crying out loud. It was bad enough people heard "Jenny" and "cheerleader" and assumed he was a girl. Now "Destiny" had to go having gender issues.
Jeff Morgan had gotten killed trying to train Jensen to be a slayer. Even if he wasn't going to be a slayer, Jensen wasn't about to let Jeff's death mean nothing. He could sense someone stalking him as he fled the club. He ducked around the corner and took the guy by surprise.
The guy was quick to recover and he had the reach on Jensen. He managed to get away from Jensen and backed up quickly with his hands outstretched.
"Um. Hey. It's - There's no problem here."
"You're right," Jensen responded. "You follow me; I kick your ass. No problem at all."
The guy stepped out into the light. Holy shit. He was drop dead gorgeous. "I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite. Truth is, I thought you'd be taller, or bigger muscles and all that. You're pretty spry, though."
Drop dead gorgeous and slayer stalker. Just my luck. "You forgot 'and a girl'"
"No, I'd already heard about LA - " The guy broke off and looked down sheepishly. Obviously he'd realized that bringing up LA was not the way to improve this conversation.
"What. Do. You. Want?" Jensen bit out.
"The same thing you do," said Drop Dead Gorgeous with earnest puppy dog eyes no less. It wasn't fair. It really wasn't.
Jensen refused to be swayed. He was normal now. He wasn't a slayer anymore. "Ok then. What do I want?"
Drop Dead Gorgeous stepped forward. Something unidentifiable changed in his demeanor. He was suddenly a lot more deadly looking. "To kill them. To kill them all."
Jensen studiously ignored the part of his brain that wanted to reply Woof. "I'm sorry," he chirped instead, "that's the wrong answer. Enjoy your parting gift of a year's subscription to 'Losers Quarterly'. What I want? Is to be left alone!"
Jensen spun away. Whatever this guy was doing, Jensen was having no part of it. Drop Dead Gorgeous grabbed for him. Jensen was too tired to stop him. It wasn't because he was hoping Drop Dead Gorgeous would suddenly see the error of his ways, turn out to be gay and run off with Jensen. It wasn't. Really. Although now that Jensen was close enough to see that the shirt was actually covered in paisley pink designs, the "turn out to be gay" part didn't seem much of a stretch.
"Do you really think that's an option anymore?" DDG was saying. DDG? No, he'd have to think of something better to call him. Maybe he'd ask Sandy, if she was still speaking to him. Jensen shook his head slightly to focus back on what he was being told. "You're standing at the Mouth of Hell and it's about to open. If you turn your back on this, you're only going to get a dagger in it."
"Are you not listening? I'm not the slayer anymore."
"I don't think you can just stop."
"I miss normal conversations!"
"And I miss candy. That's not the point." He shoved something into Jensen's hands. "My point is that you need to be ready."
"Ready for what?"
"The Harvest. The Harvest is coming soon." And with that insanely cheesy yet chillingly creepy line, Drop Dead Gorgeous spun around and left. His duster trailed out behind him in the breeze and really made his shoulders look like a work of art. Jensen would bet his entire shoe collection that was the reason he wore a duster in the first place. Damn him. Definitely at least bi. Not that Jensen cared. Gorgeous but crazy was not something he was having in his life anymore.
He looked at what he'd been holding in his hands. It was a jewelry box. Inside was a silver cross. When Jensen wore it the next day it was going to be because it matched his rings. That was all.
fin
Author's Notes: the cast in my head is:
Jensen=Buffy
Jared=Angel (Jareth=Angelus)
Chad=Cordelia
Sandy=Willow
Misha=Xander
Jim=Giles
JDM=Whatever the name was for the first watcher from the movie
Kane=Oz
Katie Cassidy=Jenny
Genevieve=Darla
I also have a cracktastic work around for the curse. So it would not be an epically tragic thing full of EmoAngst&Woe. 'cause that shit pisses me off.
More scenes (and given a beta pass) on AO3 || Dreamwidth || LJ