I miss boy hugs
So I'm single again.
My boyfriend and I broke up last Sunday. Apparently we never successfully made the transition from being best friends to dating each other. Why do I make perfect sense when I'm single, but become an enigma when I start dating someone?
I don't like not being strong. I don't like feeling weak and dependant on everyone. I simultaneously feel like pushing everyone away and gathering every one of my friends around me and never letting go. Part of me feels like if I can't have a boyfriend then maybe I shouldn't have friends either. I also refuse to be one of those girls that mopes around and is convinced that life ends when she looses her boyfriend, and so I'm afraid to express the extent of my broken heartedness to the friends around me. But I know that that is exactly what I have to do. Talk about it. Reach out and express it. Digest it. Feel it, and all of it's pain. And then slowly find the light again. Move on and bring nothing but the lessons I've learned from it.
So if you don't mind I'm using this as a form of digesting it.
I was told that I would probably end up marrying someone who had been my friend for years before, but how is that supposed to work if it's so awkward making the transition from the hands-off boundaries of strict friendship, to the more leniant and wavy boundaries of dating?
Am I so good at being really good friends with guys that romance is impossible? I spent so many years being single and continuely striving to convince myself I was happy that way that now I'm faced with someone who says he loves me and I freeze. I lock up. I don't know how to loosen up and push aside all the boundaries I had set for myself and let whatever's going to happen in the relationship just happen. How can that one special connection to someone that I've longed for for as long as I can remember continue to elude me? Why is it so common for guys to love me as a friend but to have no interest in dating me, and those that are interested in me be too chicken to go out on a limb and tell me that?
Why am I the one exception to the rule that certain people will hug any girl they know on sight?
I will be fine eventually. I know that. But in the meantime my self confidence has taken a severe hit. Going home and looking in his eyes I could see myself from his prospective and I was beautiful. Now that's gone. I feel monumentally unattractive and illogical as it may seem I feel unloved and alone. My friends have surrounded me and supported me and let me know they're here for me and still I feel alone. More than anything I miss boy hugs. I had guy friends back home that would give me a hug every time I saw them. Something in that physical closeness, no matter if it's temporary and just between friends, somehow makes everything ok. I miss that so much.
My boyfriend and I broke up last Sunday. Apparently we never successfully made the transition from being best friends to dating each other. Why do I make perfect sense when I'm single, but become an enigma when I start dating someone?
I don't like not being strong. I don't like feeling weak and dependant on everyone. I simultaneously feel like pushing everyone away and gathering every one of my friends around me and never letting go. Part of me feels like if I can't have a boyfriend then maybe I shouldn't have friends either. I also refuse to be one of those girls that mopes around and is convinced that life ends when she looses her boyfriend, and so I'm afraid to express the extent of my broken heartedness to the friends around me. But I know that that is exactly what I have to do. Talk about it. Reach out and express it. Digest it. Feel it, and all of it's pain. And then slowly find the light again. Move on and bring nothing but the lessons I've learned from it.
So if you don't mind I'm using this as a form of digesting it.
I was told that I would probably end up marrying someone who had been my friend for years before, but how is that supposed to work if it's so awkward making the transition from the hands-off boundaries of strict friendship, to the more leniant and wavy boundaries of dating?
Am I so good at being really good friends with guys that romance is impossible? I spent so many years being single and continuely striving to convince myself I was happy that way that now I'm faced with someone who says he loves me and I freeze. I lock up. I don't know how to loosen up and push aside all the boundaries I had set for myself and let whatever's going to happen in the relationship just happen. How can that one special connection to someone that I've longed for for as long as I can remember continue to elude me? Why is it so common for guys to love me as a friend but to have no interest in dating me, and those that are interested in me be too chicken to go out on a limb and tell me that?
Why am I the one exception to the rule that certain people will hug any girl they know on sight?
I will be fine eventually. I know that. But in the meantime my self confidence has taken a severe hit. Going home and looking in his eyes I could see myself from his prospective and I was beautiful. Now that's gone. I feel monumentally unattractive and illogical as it may seem I feel unloved and alone. My friends have surrounded me and supported me and let me know they're here for me and still I feel alone. More than anything I miss boy hugs. I had guy friends back home that would give me a hug every time I saw them. Something in that physical closeness, no matter if it's temporary and just between friends, somehow makes everything ok. I miss that so much.