(no subject)
Hum..
I should be working.. i should always be bloody working, but im not.. and it feels good.
Generally been stressed recently.. and generally taking it all out on darren.. which is possibly not very fair..
I think its a mixture of dissertation/essays/exams/toby wanting me to be a 24/7 waitress which they are very happy to create/lea and dad having heart ops on the same day/wanting to move out/wanting a car/having no money for a house or a car/having no career plan and my family bugging me every frikkin day about it/my brother avoiding me/having no way of getting in touch with my dad in hospital and donna and david not caring/arguments with donna about my future/feeling tired every day from about 7 onwards/feet being cut up and generally hobbling around ( i fell over).
Its not that bad.. well.. it is.. i just want it to be july. July i can be happy.. i can move out and i will have finished, lea and dad will be back at home..i will be better at driving, i will have hopefully seen my brother and worked out why the hell he doesnt want to see me (havent even got a birthday present or card from him)
Its sunny though.. but im inside writing about clinical psychology. Fucking dull.. I want to go and see leanne.. I went to milton keyenes with darren yesterday to try and take my mind off it.. if anything it made me feel selfish, that i shouldnt be there eating pizza and bowling, because lea and dad are lying in an operation theatre.. but then i realised that i would feel that way if i was sitting at home in the dark, because even thats better than what they're going through.. so maybe i should just enjoy my pizza and bowling because im sure thats better. So I spent pointless money on some summer stuf with tips ive saved up.. it was a good day, and i didnt snap at darren once, which was nice :-) because i know ive been a bit of a pain of a girlfriend recently.. i dont mean to.. im just stressed.
Got a little drunk last night, that helped too.. although i found out dads op postponed til today,. so not only did i worry about it all day yesterday thinking he was having it then, now i have to go through it all again. Gay. xxx
I should be working.. i should always be bloody working, but im not.. and it feels good.
Generally been stressed recently.. and generally taking it all out on darren.. which is possibly not very fair..
I think its a mixture of dissertation/essays/exams/toby wanting me to be a 24/7 waitress which they are very happy to create/lea and dad having heart ops on the same day/wanting to move out/wanting a car/having no money for a house or a car/having no career plan and my family bugging me every frikkin day about it/my brother avoiding me/having no way of getting in touch with my dad in hospital and donna and david not caring/arguments with donna about my future/feeling tired every day from about 7 onwards/feet being cut up and generally hobbling around ( i fell over).
Its not that bad.. well.. it is.. i just want it to be july. July i can be happy.. i can move out and i will have finished, lea and dad will be back at home..i will be better at driving, i will have hopefully seen my brother and worked out why the hell he doesnt want to see me (havent even got a birthday present or card from him)
Its sunny though.. but im inside writing about clinical psychology. Fucking dull.. I want to go and see leanne.. I went to milton keyenes with darren yesterday to try and take my mind off it.. if anything it made me feel selfish, that i shouldnt be there eating pizza and bowling, because lea and dad are lying in an operation theatre.. but then i realised that i would feel that way if i was sitting at home in the dark, because even thats better than what they're going through.. so maybe i should just enjoy my pizza and bowling because im sure thats better. So I spent pointless money on some summer stuf with tips ive saved up.. it was a good day, and i didnt snap at darren once, which was nice :-) because i know ive been a bit of a pain of a girlfriend recently.. i dont mean to.. im just stressed.
Got a little drunk last night, that helped too.. although i found out dads op postponed til today,. so not only did i worry about it all day yesterday thinking he was having it then, now i have to go through it all again. Gay. xxx