I-N-S-A-N-E
So I leave in a few hours to see Roy. I cant wait. I only get a few hours with him Thursday... but I get most of the day Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (but absolutly no PDA, stupid military rules). I cant sleep to save my life. I started this trying to sleep process around 9:00. I got about an hour and ha half from 12:00-1:30... but that was the best I could do. I am so excited to see him, and so nervous too. I cant wait to move up there to be with him (I cant live with him, but I can see him in the evenings and on weekends... but only on base). It is going to be so hard having to say goodbye to him again in December when I go in. God... I need your help. It's just too much time apart, thats all.
I am so proud of him my heart is about to burst. I cant seem to shake stupid insecurities... will he still think I'm sexy? Will he be disappointed when he sees me? Will he like the scrapbook I made him? Will he have out grown me?
I still dont know how I will be able to not burst into tears the second I see him... I probably will. I cant stop crying right now. It is just so hard being away from him. It hurts all over.
I am so proud of him, but at the same time I am envious of my friends who have civilian spouses or significant others. Some days I would kill for that. Yeah sure, we would both be struggling, trying to balance school with working at a dead end job... but everynight we would get to come home to eachother. I would get to hear his voice everyday. I would get those reassuring looks that he always gives... the ones that tell me he adores me, all of me. How that happened I dont know. He is an amazing man... now ALSO an Airman... and he adores ME?!?! I dont think I'll ever quite understand that. He is absolutly perfect, and I am (to put it nicely) not. I am clumbsy, I freak out over stupid stuff, I mess things up alot, I am forgetful, and pretty much insane... but he loves me anyway. He loves all that stuff about me. How does that happen?
I cant tell you how many times a day I fall in love with him all over again... it happens everytime I remember the way he first kissed me... or told me he loved me. It happens every time I remember a kiss, or his wonderful laugh...
My alarm is suppose to go off in an hour... sleep is just not happening tonight... wish me luck...
I am so proud of him my heart is about to burst. I cant seem to shake stupid insecurities... will he still think I'm sexy? Will he be disappointed when he sees me? Will he like the scrapbook I made him? Will he have out grown me?
I still dont know how I will be able to not burst into tears the second I see him... I probably will. I cant stop crying right now. It is just so hard being away from him. It hurts all over.
I am so proud of him, but at the same time I am envious of my friends who have civilian spouses or significant others. Some days I would kill for that. Yeah sure, we would both be struggling, trying to balance school with working at a dead end job... but everynight we would get to come home to eachother. I would get to hear his voice everyday. I would get those reassuring looks that he always gives... the ones that tell me he adores me, all of me. How that happened I dont know. He is an amazing man... now ALSO an Airman... and he adores ME?!?! I dont think I'll ever quite understand that. He is absolutly perfect, and I am (to put it nicely) not. I am clumbsy, I freak out over stupid stuff, I mess things up alot, I am forgetful, and pretty much insane... but he loves me anyway. He loves all that stuff about me. How does that happen?
I cant tell you how many times a day I fall in love with him all over again... it happens everytime I remember the way he first kissed me... or told me he loved me. It happens every time I remember a kiss, or his wonderful laugh...
My alarm is suppose to go off in an hour... sleep is just not happening tonight... wish me luck...