(no subject)
I'm creating so many problems based more on hormonal reasoning than rational thinking. I literally cried over $8 today. I'd like to think that it was over the principle of it; you say a couple of weeks ago you'll give it to me, and then later decide that it's your money, so no thank you....but no, it was probably more over the $8 itself. Where did I learn to be so stingy? Money isn't tight...sure, we're not exactly well-off, but we do well enough. I guess I always see everyone else's life as better because I'm so disgustingly human. I remember in junior high when everyone used to think I was sooo rich because I get $20 a week, and I never believed them. I still don't; it goes by all too quickly. I was just always envious of getting "free money" from parents. "Oh, you want to go to the movies? Here's $10" "Oh, you need new clothes? I'll take you shopping." I guess if I'd decided all those years ago to go to the dark side, my mom's house, then I would get just that. But of course, I'd never really be happy.
As I cried on the ride home today, I should've been glad that I have somebody that loves me so much, especially when I don't deserve it, that he'd sit there trying to hold my hand, giving me concerned looks every couple of seconds, doing everything within his power while he drove to comfort me. But no, I failed my expectations once again. Instead, I got angry. I got jealous. "Why would she tell YOU that? When did you guys get so close?"
I need to kill the thoughts in my head. But more importantly...I need to go get Erin.