it's been awhile.....
This past week has basically sucked monkey balls. I got an email on Sunday from my best friend since I was 2 saying they found cancer in her moms abdomen. Keep in mind that her mom only had one kidney, then she got cancer in the other one so they had to remove it, then she had to be on dialisis three times a week because she had no kidney's left, and NOW they find cancer in her abdomen....WTF MATE!!!! So basically I spent all of sunday curled up in a ball on Angelo's bed bawling my eyes out. The biggest decision I had to make all day was whether I should cry or sleep.
Wednesday was my grandma's birthday and you'd think it would be easier since this is the second year she hasn't been around but it definately wasn't. All day all I could think about was Joyce (which is melanies mom) and my grandma. I was pretty much a b*tch to everyone all day and of course I felt terrible about it but I just couldn't get a grasp on my emotions.
Friday Angelo and I went up to Sydney to spend time with the family which is always nice. I got to bake banana bread and we just watched a movie. It was so nice to block everything out for just one night. Then on Saturday I get a call from Mel and of course I knew right away what was up. I was sleeping when she called so I called her back and her mom had passed away. It took about half an hour for the news to sink in and then I just lost it. I think I cried hysterically for about an hour curled up on Angelo's bed once again. I HATE when people see me cry too cause it's just so freakin embarrassing. Plus I'm in his parent's house being an emotional freak....not really the best situation.
I just have so many feelings of guilt about not being able to say goodbye to joyce or see her one last time before she passed away. She was like my second mom and I just can't explain the feeling you get from losing someone like that. That's NOTHING compared to what Melanie is feeling though. She lost her dad when we were either 6 or 7 so her mom is really all she had left and now she's gone. Everytime I think about it I just cry. She's seriously one of the greatest people in the entire world who I can count on for anything and I couldn't even change my bloody plane ticket to be home for her. I feel like the worst friend in the world. The problem is that I haven't had finals yet so if I came home I would've forfeited the entire semster I just completed which is not something I can afford to do. I just can't shake these feelings of guilt and sadness and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like a walking time bomb too. It's like the littliest thing will just make me cry hysterically for no reason cause I just keep thinking about melanie, joyce, and my grandma.
To top things off Angelo got the flu today so the poor bugger has a fever and sore muscles everywhere. Since I'm with him and taking care of him guess who can feel the flu coming on too....oh yes, that'd be me.
Ok, I think I've complained enough for one entry. OHHH I do have some good news though. On saturday after I got the news about joyce angelo arranged a surprise birthday barbeque party for me. I had NO idea any of it was going on so all of a sudden I look up and there's just heaps of people! They planned it in like four hours and it was the best surprise EVER. After people left angelo, me, and his dad sat in the hot tub talking about how he met his wife and then about me and angelo's future. Mario just kept telling me that he considers me as part of the family and that he knows it's going to be hard doing a long distance thing but that he really wants it to work for us. It's just really nice for me to be able to talk about marriage with his dad because it's really important for me that he approves everything which he has made it quite clear that he does. So I did have some good news this week too.
p.s. I bought a SEXY top for my birthday on friday.....look out wollongong here I come!
Wednesday was my grandma's birthday and you'd think it would be easier since this is the second year she hasn't been around but it definately wasn't. All day all I could think about was Joyce (which is melanies mom) and my grandma. I was pretty much a b*tch to everyone all day and of course I felt terrible about it but I just couldn't get a grasp on my emotions.
Friday Angelo and I went up to Sydney to spend time with the family which is always nice. I got to bake banana bread and we just watched a movie. It was so nice to block everything out for just one night. Then on Saturday I get a call from Mel and of course I knew right away what was up. I was sleeping when she called so I called her back and her mom had passed away. It took about half an hour for the news to sink in and then I just lost it. I think I cried hysterically for about an hour curled up on Angelo's bed once again. I HATE when people see me cry too cause it's just so freakin embarrassing. Plus I'm in his parent's house being an emotional freak....not really the best situation.
I just have so many feelings of guilt about not being able to say goodbye to joyce or see her one last time before she passed away. She was like my second mom and I just can't explain the feeling you get from losing someone like that. That's NOTHING compared to what Melanie is feeling though. She lost her dad when we were either 6 or 7 so her mom is really all she had left and now she's gone. Everytime I think about it I just cry. She's seriously one of the greatest people in the entire world who I can count on for anything and I couldn't even change my bloody plane ticket to be home for her. I feel like the worst friend in the world. The problem is that I haven't had finals yet so if I came home I would've forfeited the entire semster I just completed which is not something I can afford to do. I just can't shake these feelings of guilt and sadness and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like a walking time bomb too. It's like the littliest thing will just make me cry hysterically for no reason cause I just keep thinking about melanie, joyce, and my grandma.
To top things off Angelo got the flu today so the poor bugger has a fever and sore muscles everywhere. Since I'm with him and taking care of him guess who can feel the flu coming on too....oh yes, that'd be me.
Ok, I think I've complained enough for one entry. OHHH I do have some good news though. On saturday after I got the news about joyce angelo arranged a surprise birthday barbeque party for me. I had NO idea any of it was going on so all of a sudden I look up and there's just heaps of people! They planned it in like four hours and it was the best surprise EVER. After people left angelo, me, and his dad sat in the hot tub talking about how he met his wife and then about me and angelo's future. Mario just kept telling me that he considers me as part of the family and that he knows it's going to be hard doing a long distance thing but that he really wants it to work for us. It's just really nice for me to be able to talk about marriage with his dad because it's really important for me that he approves everything which he has made it quite clear that he does. So I did have some good news this week too.
p.s. I bought a SEXY top for my birthday on friday.....look out wollongong here I come!