[Open to Demyx and whoever he's planning on forcing upon Zex...o.o;;..]

[chromehairedpet]

~What could the blonde want this time?~ Zexion thought as he slowly made his way towards the library. Upon reaching the room he entered it silently and took a seat near a large pile of books. ~I don't think I've ever been in this room... Suprisingly.~ Glancing to a big book he quickly took it in hand and blew off the dust. "Through The Looking

Comments

[chromehairedpet]

He glanced towards Ashiya, pondering about what she had asked. "Actually, Miss Ashiya, I'm unsure of if we have souls or not."

When Hanatarou spoke, Zexion's imaginary rage seemed to spark a bit. He tried to hide his anger with depression though and merely bit his lip, frowning some. But as the raven-haired male continued his rage only grew.

"Actually, Hanatarou, it is all an act. We can portray emotions VERY accurately. Demyx can't possibly have any emotions. Desire becomes infatuation, or obsession. Personality... I'm unsure of how that occurance is about." He flinched at what the other said, glaring a bit towards him at this point. "Superior only did that because he wants his emotions back. He wants his heart back. The 'want' is from his obsession, not his desire. Surely." Zexion seemed a bit befuddled himself, as if unsure of his facts now. That caused him to "feel" insecure and unprotected. He thought he knew everything, but now these two were causing him to question his own information, it sickened him. Rubbed him in a way he did not like, and caused him to flare with a bit of a temper, which he was trying to restrain the fake emotion, with little success however.

[stamina_boost]

Hanatarou cringed and looked down. "Oh... I see. Well... I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Privately, he was thinking that surely 'obsession' and 'infatuation' were emotions, too, and that what on earth would be the point of pretending to get angry or upset (unless you were trying to fool others around you into thinking you had emotions)?? ... But since it was obviously a touchy subject, he let it go. :|

[trackstarashiya]

Ashiya had the vaguest feel that perhaps they had angered Zexion with their questions, ideas and pondering, but rather then cringe as she would have done with possibly Sano or even Haseo, she realized that perhaps it was having a far more profound effect on Hanatarou, and that she would not allow. After all, Hanatarou was so nice and helpful, how could anyone be angry at him??

And she had started the conversation, if Zexion were to be mad at anyone it should have been her!

"Zexion, I'm not sure if I have any right to say this, but I've always lived the way I believe I should and it hasn't steered me wrong yet, so I apologize if I come off as annoying and overzealous, and if you want me to leave after this, I will." She warned as she stood and walked over to Zexion, her face impassive. Then, taking a deep breath, she suddenly glared fiercely at the Nobody, eyes blazing.

"It's not fair that you say no before you even have a chance!" She suddenly snapped. "How can you say that you and Demyx have no emotions when I've seen so much happiness on his face when he's talking or with Leon? How can you claim to have no feeling when I've seen Axel in so much torment over Roxas? How could Saix have fallen in love with Greed? Why is your Superior being dragged every which way by Demyx on what to do with his lovelife because he doesn't know what to do?!" Crossing her arms angrily to keep them from seeing her hands were shaking, and to prevent her from giving into the urge to just bash her way through things with her fists as she usually did, she took a step back, just for Zexion's safety, and possibly her own.

And then, to her own amazement she started to cry.
"How can you claim that none of you have any emotions?! Because if that is true then it means Demyx is only playing Leon, that Saix does not care for Greed who is trying to change what he is for him, that Axel and Roxas feel nothing for each other.... that they've only been playing us for their own amusement." She hissed as she began to hit her own sore spots, at how so many of her friends back home had fallen for a lie.

Glaring resolutely at Zexion she wiped her tears angrily to no avail.
"Why do you pretend you have emotions then? Is it to play with us? Is it because you want to copy something you don't have? Or do you think maybe you have them after all? Everyone has a soul, if your acting the way you want to, you have a soul. Soulless beings can't fall in love, neither can those without emotion, and I refuse to believe that Demyx does not love Leon, Saix does not love Greed, Axel does not love Roxas, Xemnas does not love Toushiro." She whispered with a note of finality.

(OOC: I apologize, I appear to have written a book. O____o)

[chromehairedpet]

He stared at her venomous glance and said nothing until she had finished. When she was done he rose up and gently, swiftly whisped a finger across her face, erasing all the tears that stained those tender cheeks. "I'm sorry if I upset you, Miss Ashiya. And I'm sorry if I seemed upset with you Hanatarou. I didn't mean..." He paused and shook his head. "I'm not fit to be around people." He murmured quietly and sighed, placing the book he had been holding for so long in his former seat. "If you want.. I'll go. It doesn't matter to me." He stood still for a moment and glanced over towards Hanatarou.

"Again, I apologize for being so mean about the whole topic... I just don't like being forced into a corner about what I believe to be fact. The same for you, Miss Ashiya. I didn't mean any harm in my actions and words." He took a deep breath and exhaled it rather shakely. He seemed rather shaken up by the whole incident and was probably ready to shoot himself in the foot rather than go on with this conversation.

His attention was mainly on Ashiya, who seemed to have the most speech on the matter. "... I may have a soul, but can that provide emotions? Can that make me love? I highly doubt it." Both of his eyes became engulfed by the shadow of his hair and he just turned away to face the book shelf. "Maybe the others do have emotions... but, I can't say the same for myself. I don't know what to tell you.. or anything." He buried his face into his palm and shook his head, obviously in thought and clearly confused. He looked back at the two and gave them an extremely hurt look. "Please, forgive me."

(Ooc: Eh, I like it. ^^;; It gives me more to think about. xD)

[trackstarashiya]

There, she'd done it. AGAIN.
His kindness in brushing away her tears reminded her terribly of Sano, and that made it even worse.
She'd upset someone by unloading all of her righteous babble on them, only this time the person wasn't angry, only further upset by her words. Why couldn't she just learn to shut up?

She listened to his comment of I'm not fit to be around people. and found herself growing sulken at the thought.
"We're a lot alike." She couldn't help but mumble as she gave Hanatarou a sheepish smile.
"Sorry... I think I went overboard." She told the soul reaper before she moved forward and coming to a stop next to Zexion she hugged him around the shoulders fighting not to cry.

"I didn't mean to get angry.... I just... I just want you to see what I can, what I'm sure Hanatarou can, what everyone can! I can't stand to see you in this... this darkness that has kept your companions for so long, that has made them so miserable!" She went silent for a moment, unrelenting in her gentle hug as if she were afraid to push.
She shook her head against his shoulder afraid to cry again.

"You don't have to be forgiven, none of you do, you're alive, maybe some people would say you weren't, but all of you are breathing, thinking and acting." She whispered, but couldn't help but give a little encouraging smile.

"I know that one by one all of them are finding the way out of that darkness, and in doing that they've left you behind. But if they can do it... why can't you? Why can't you find those special people that can give you back a little of what you lost? Even if it's not the real thing, it's better then being alone... isn't it?"

[chromehairedpet]

He stared at her, listening carefully to her comment of them being alike, and he just turned his head as if not accepting what was said by the female. "You didn't go overboard. And how are we alike?" He murmured curiously, sighing softly.

He flushed as she wrapped him in a hug. He was completely caught off gaurd and didn't respond with anything but looking at her awkwardly, extremely embarrassed by the situation. He didn't know how to react, but slowly moved his arms to wrap around her waist as if accepting the hug. He didn't mind if she had cried, and simply smiled weakly, thinking the display was somewhat cute, but he knew it was serious, despite. "I understand." He didn't understand what she meant exactly in speaking about the fact that he didn't have to be forgiven. It sounded like absolute nonsense to him, but he said nothing and simply patted her on the back. If the comment meant something to her, it meant something to him.

He flinched as she spoke on, talking about him being alone, he layed his chin on her shoulder, biting his lower lip, fighting his own tears. She seemed to be reading him like a book, and he "felt" hurt by her words alone. "I.. suppose it is. But... I.. I don't know if there is anyone for me. Maybe I've become cynical." He muttered as he stifled a few tears, pulling away from her and turning his back to both of his companions. He wrapped one arm around his waist and let his hand move up to his mouth in a thoughtful position, then he placed his finger into his mouth sideways and bit it, but the tears slowly rolled down his cheeks and he looked up as if asking for guidance, but nothing came.

[trackstarashiya]

Ashiya gave him a sad smile at the small return hug and the light, yet thoughtful look as tears began to slip from his eyes.

Reaching up she returned his earlier favor by wiping away his tears with a gentle thumb.
"We're both not well suited to be around people, I seem to have done nothing but make people upset since... since he left me." She murmured looking a bit put out. "But... the time I spent with him, I'll never regret it, I made wonderful memories, met someone truly worth knowing... and even though it hurts now I'll never regret it." She whispered fiercely as he stared straight into his eyes.

"If someone as... as worthless, and as cowardly as me could find a... a love like that for a few precious moments, I know you can, everyone deserves that special someone in this world." She told him, firm in her words, sincerely believing what she said.
"Perhaps you are cynical, but I think it's a part of your charm." She then teased him lightly as she brushed a few stray bangs aside.
"And anyone worth loving will see that you being cynical is part of who you are, that it's a part of you. I realize that a long time ago." She declared with a soft smile.

"You're a very special person Zexion, anyone would be lucky to have your affection."

Ooc: It seems we've pushed Hanatarou out. x.x;;

[chromehairedpet]

He blinked as she advanced and wiped away his tears, slightly embarrassed about losing himself to his so called, emotions. He wanted to speak at the first comment but bit his tongue and didn't say anything for a moment, allowing her the time to indulge in her reminiscence. He returned the stare blankly, then glanced to the side as she went on, a blush burning across his cheeks.

"You aren't... worthless. Nor are you a.. coward. You have the courage to speak what's on your mind. And you have a heart of gold and a sense of mind that is always willing to help others when down. I think.. those are important. You shouldn't down yourself the way you have. And.. I don't think there is anyone out there for me. You and everyone else may find someone, but... the only people I ever really liked, when I came here, I found out they were already taken by others. You however... seem to be a bit different from the others. Maybe..." He murmured softly and cut off. He felt like a kid getting something along the lines of advice from a mother figure.
"Ch-charm?" He flushed and glanced downward, his only exposed eye locked on her though. "You can't be serious.. can you?"
"... Mm. I see. So, you don't see being cynical as a bad thing?" His curiousity had been aroused and he felt a bit confused at this point. Flattery and Zexion didn't mix very often.

"I think it's the other way around, Miss Ashiya..."

(( I accidentally forgot about this thread because I don't get the notifications XD()()() ))

[stamina_boost]

"But even if they were 'taken,' it's still worth something that you liked them to begin with, isn't it?" Hanatarou offered with a hesitant smile. (He'd been remaining silent for a while, both out of timidness and because something very strange had just come to his attention.) "If you're patient, eventually I'm sure there'll be someone..."

"... Ashiya-san," he continued after a pause. "By 'Toushiro' did you mean Captain Hitsugaya? What were you saying about him and Xemnas-san?"

(OOC: I hate it when that happens. I feel like shooting myself sometimes. XD)

[trackstarashiya]

Ashiya smiled lightly at Zexion and gave him an encouraging light squeeze to the hug before pulling back a bit, but not quite letting go fully.

"I'm very serious, maybe some aspects of a person can be terrible, but everyone is who they were meant to be, and everyone I've ever met has always had a reason for being the way they were, I can't fault that. So you being cynical is you being who you are and for a reason, I respect that." She explained, hoping he didn't find her views to be just a little too far out there.

At Zexions latter comment she blushed a bit from embaressment, and more from humility.
"No... I'm not much fun to be around lately. Point in case, today." She replied a bith hesitantly with a small and fake sounding laugh.

However at Hanatarou's question she glanced at him and blinked.
"Captain Hitsugaya...? I don't know, Demyx was talking one day about how Xemnas had fallen in love with a boy named Toushiro. I think it was around the time when all those things on Valentine's day started happening and somehow Toushiro had met Xemnas and it went on from there." She explained glancing skywards and digging into her memory.
"Er... lets see... Demyx said... if I remember right, that Toushiro was a small boy, young looking but with white hair and a sword. Oh, and that he had a white robe or something." She trailed off, wondering if she had missed anything.

(OOC: Whoopsie, well that's one way for Hanatarou to find out, oh dear, Tee's gonna shoot me. ^^;;)

[stamina_boost]

"Hmmm," Hanatarou said, deep in thought. "... I don't suppose you'd know whether Demyx-san knew whether it was a one-sided thing on Xemnas-san's part, or if they were in a relationship?"

(( ooc: And after all that trouble Hitsugaya went to to keep it secret from him! X3 ))

[chromehairedpet]

Zexion simply watched the two talk, he decided to go silent at the mention of Xemnas and Toushiro, his gaze slowly, but surely lowering a bit. He refused to interupt anything and so he just continued to stare, reclaiming his seat that had long been forgotten and pulled his legs into his chest, grabbing hold of the calves to keep them from kicking out or easily sliding away.

"... Why does it hurt when Xemnas's name is mentioned?" He murmured into his knees, muffling the sound to an almost un-audiable noise. It was so soft that it was quite unlikey for the others to hear it at all. He didn't want an answer, knowing that it would be the one emotion he really wondered the existance of.

Love. Did it exist? He couldn't count how many times he, and perhaps many others have wondered the same question. As he thought about it, his eyes started to lose emotion and seemingly grow cold and hollow as he stared off into space. Of course if one of the others were to speak he would automatically snap out of it, but for the time being he wanted to just think. Why or... how could he care so much for the former Superior? It didn't seem to make any sense for the poor boy as he tossed the idea in his head for a long period of time. It confused him terribly, but so did the other numerous times he wondered about how or why with some of the other members? Was it just attachment, fondness, obsession, or was it the real deal? He sighed and shook his head, slowly dropping his face even more into his knees and covering it up completely as he let his arms cross over atop his knees and continued endulging in his thoughts.

[stamina_boost]

Hanatarou caught a glimpse of Zexion's new posture out of the corner of his eyes and decided that his conversation with Ashiya could definitely wait until later. :|

"Zexion-san..." he said quietly, hesitantly laying his hand on Zexion's shoulder. "Are you... all right? Did I say something wrong again?"

[trackstarashiya]

Ashiya stared.
"No, I'm quite sure Demyx said they were both kind of in love with each other..." She began when she noticed Hanatarou's attention had shifted.

Oh dammit she shouldn't have let her attention wander when they were in the middle of a serious conversation! *bops herself mentally on the head*

Turning her attention back to Zexion she stared at him for a loss, before an idea popped into her head.

"Zexion, Hanatarou are you hungry?"

[chromehairedpet]

The young tactician blinked as he was touched and looked up at the raven-haired shinigami. At first he didn't know what to say, his mouth partially ajar as if he were about to say something, but unfortunately nothing came out. Regardless, after a few seconds his mouth finally began forming words and sentences, well more accurately two words at first, which made a simple sentence: "I'm fine."

Sure. It was a lie, but he refused to allow the others to worry about him like this. For a moment he averted his gaze away from them both. "I'm sorry." It was all he could think to say after seemingly losing his mind to such a ridiculous feeling. It almost made him want to laugh at how easily he had been controlled by the emotion. Sure, Xemnas wasn't the first one he liked. He had two others, but it seemed that they would never return his feelings he had for them, or perhaps even they were already "taken" by another.

Looking to Ashiya after shaking his thoughts from his head, he paused and shrugged. "No. I'm good. Hanatarou might be."

[stamina_boost]

"... All right," Hanatarou answered hesitantly. He was fairly certain that Zexion wasn't completely fine, but he wasn't about to push him to talk about something he didn't want to.

"Ah? Oh, well... I'm not starving or anything, but I could eat."