shoulda left my phone at home, cause this is a DISASTUH
[The dead Zero is being moved by the medical team to proper containment, the Force Metal -- she'll have to ask X more about that later -- is in a sample tube for her to look at later, and as enlightening (or maybe not enlightening, but at least interesting) as it's been spending the past while in a room full of X's and Zeros, trying to figure out
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It's not about what he might do, it's about what might've been done to him. It's about what just considering the possibility is doing to him now.
For all that he's a worrier, X has always been one of the surest ones when they're facing a fight. When he's on his way out for a mission, when he's communicating with her from the field -- there's always that confidence, that aura that says he knows he's going to win, because he won't let himself fail. And the rest of them feed on that. Every time he's out there fighting Mavericks, fighting Sigma, Alia's always believed he'll win -- because he believes it, and she trusts in him.
And when he's this worried about what comes next...]
...I hadn't really had the chance to bring it up yet, but I want to do some scans on you. Not just you -- all of you, Zero too.
[She can't help but feel like an idiot, still talking in professional mode when he's this on edge. She should be saying something more, doing something more.
But she's not sure how to reassure him without having to admit just how much seeing him upset messes with her, and bringing that in would just be stupid. Stupid and selfish.]
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All the scans he'd managed on himself had come up empty. But he'd still lost two weeks - and was quite possibly in a past he didn't remember. A past where Zero died. And the only clue to what killed him was a piece of force metal that no one else seemed to recognize.
No. No. He was not going down that thought path. There was no way he had anything to do with that Zero's death. Just the merest thought of it made him feel horribly ill. He closed his eyes and swallowed thickly.
Think of something else. Anything else.
And then Alia, the guiding voice in his head that was always looking out for him, provided him an out.
He finally lifts his head to look at her. He does his best to mask the almost desperate need and hope that leaped up in him at the prospect of being properly scanned by someone who knew what she was doing. But he's never been very good at hiding his emotions.]
I- That would-- We'd been meaning to do that, but haven't had a chance to yet. I- I'd really appreciate it if you'd do that.
[He'd really appreciate it if you could tell him he's just being overly paranoid from too much stress, and that he's not really a ticking time bomb that has some kind of trigger to turn on those he loves.]
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She's not sure what she'll tell herself if whatever she finds only makes matters worse. It can't make matters worse. It's always not knowing that hurts more, isn't it?
(But when she remembers the nervous feeling, faint but sharp, that she had back in the Sixth Uprising, when she only had the first, barest hints at who was orchestrating things, and then compares it to that strong, sinking feeling she'd felt when she realized she was right...she's not really sure if not knowing was better or worse then knowing. At least not knowing, there was still hope that she was wrong.)
This is the worst part of being his navigator, she realizes. Not the sitting at home and worrying, the waiting and being stuck at a console only able to tell him what's there and hope that he'll prevail. It's knowing that when the worst news comes, she'll have to be the one to give it to him. And as much as she doesn't want to consider the possibility that he's been compromised, that logical and practical side of her knows that from what he's told her, there's a very good chance that he has, and that she'll have to tell him.
And that hurts.]
I'd feel better doing it myself than leaving someone else to do it for you, X.
[And she would. And that just makes it feel worse, doesn't it?
She tries to keep a smile on. He'll just feel worse if he knows that his mood is affecting hers. She's not sure how well she can hide it either, not from someone who's worked with her for as long as X has, but she can try.]
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[His voice was quiet, but the amount of relief and hope he was feeling at the prospect of finally having some answers was almost overwhelming. Which was good, because it was the only thing holding back the gnawing doubt and fear from eating him up inside.
It was even enough that he managed a tiny smile in return.
For X, the not knowing was worse. If he knew, then at least he'd know what to do about it. At least he'd know if he needed to have them lock him up to protect them from him. ...Or do something more. And if they knew what was wrong with him, then at least they'd know what they'd need to try to fix - assuming it could be fixed.
And he trusted Alia to be able to check him, all of them, over and not miss anything that was wrong. He put his life in her hands on every mission and trusted her to guide him through what he needed to do.
He needed that kind of guidance right now. They all did. And he'd gladly put his life in her hands once more. But more than that - he trusted Alia not to give up on him, even if the results were bad.]
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If there's anything wrong, I'll find it for you.
[Half a step closer, and she just starts to bring her arm up -- he's just looked so upset about all this that there's some part of her that just wants to give him a hug and tell him everything is okay -- but she stops mid-motion. She's still got Zero's 'blood' all over her hands and -- adfsjdf. What was she thinking?]
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I know you will.
[Even if he couldn't yet have faith in himself, he still had faith in her. She'd find what was wrong - no matter how bad it might be. And whatever needed to be done, he could count on her to help him through it.
The smile he gave her was a little wobbly, but heartfelt.]
Thank you.
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But at least she's got a better smile for you now.
She can't quite bring herself to say "it'll be okay" -- because she doesn't know if it will be, and she respects him too much to lie. But there's one truth she can still offer him.]
Whatever happens, I believe in you.
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