(Untitled)

[giftless]

Just then, the one thing Edmund really missed was his dog. It wasn't really right to call Honour a dog, as he was in truth a direwolf and half wild at times. But he kept to Edmund's side much like a faithful, well-trained dog would, and the other half of him seemed quite tame at times. And what Edmund wanted him for just then was tracking, and

Comments

[notamelion]

"Greetings, Son of Adam," said Aslan from the other side of the stream. He had been sitting there for some few moments, watching Edmund, and had only chosen now to make himself visible.

[giftless]

"Aslan," he gasped, his breath hitching and Edmund couldn't think of a sweeter sound than that voice. He looked up, and when he saw the Lion so close he shot to his feet and bounded across the water, grinning. Edmund wanted to run and throw himself on Aslan, cling to him like a child and bury his face in his mane. But when he got close enough to do just that, his doubts stopped him: his worries that Aslan would not be pleased with him, with Charlie, and that if he was man enough never to return to Narnia again, perhaps he was man enough never to take comfort in Aslan like a child again.

"I was looking for you," he said cautiously, but the joyous light in his eyes did not fade. "Did you see me?"

[notamelion]

"I always see you, Son of Adam," was Aslan's reply, low and gentle, slightly rumbling and almost something like a purr, as if he were a kitten instead of a grown Lion. "And I think you know that, yet something holds you back from welcoming me as you wish to."

[giftless]

And that was just the thing Edmund knew but had been frightened to admit to himself. Aslan saw, Aslan knew everything that Edmund had done or hadn't done, and what did he think of it?

"It's just that an awful lot has happened since I last saw you," Ed tried to explain. "I'm not sure you'd want me to greet you as I'd like."

[notamelion]

A look that was somewhat, but not entirely, sorrowful came over Aslan's face, and he gave Edmund a searching look. "Why would you think that?" he asked, in a voice that was gentle and yet disappointed--for the Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve were very dear to him.

[giftless]

His heart ached a little at sight of that face. Edmund never, ever wanted to disappoint Aslan again, not after that first time, not if he could help it, and it was that desire that made him so nervous now. "You'd said I wasn't to come to Narnia again, that I was too old like Susan and Peter. And I sort of... Well, I accept that, but I'm not sure if that changes things." If it sounded at all like Edmund was accusing Aslan of something, let me make it clear now that that wasn't what he was about at all. He loved Aslan dearly, but it was difficult for Edmund to be very sure or certain of anything but that love in his presence.

"And then. And then, there's Charlie." And he wasn't sure of Aslan's feelings on that at all.

[notamelion]

Aslan nodded. "I did say that, yes," he agreed. "And accepting that was very wise of you. What things do you think that changes?"

There was a pause, the sort of pause that leaves time for one's thoughts to come together, after which Aslan added, "Yes, your friend Charlie. I have seen him."

[giftless]

He wasn't sure exactly whether it was the mention of Charlie or Aslan mentioning Charlie that made Edmund's heart skip, but it did.

"Maybe how I'm supposed to act around you? If I'm supposed to act differently, because I am." Edmund paused for half a second, his stomach turning over, but continued on. "Not just my friend, Aslan. My boyfriend."

[notamelion]

There was another pause, in which Aslan studied Edmund very carefully. "You are never too old to act in the way that your heart truly wants to act, Edmund," he said quietly. "I will never discourage you from that. Worry not about what is proper among men; if you act out of faith and love and truth, none can judge you for that."

He may or may not have been speaking of Edmund's awkwardness in coming to him; he may or may not have been speaking of the worry Edmund had not yet voiced. Because he was Aslan, he did not elaborate.

[giftless]

Aslan didn't need to elaborate, as that was exactly what Edmund needed to hear. He knew in his heart that he had done his very best in everything, made up for his mistakes when he made them and learned from them. And he knew that what he felt for Charlie was love, was full of faith and truth. Maybe others would still disapprove, but Aslan didn't and that was all Edmund really cared about.

A smile grew on his face in stages, and Aslan never saw it in full because Edmund threw his arms around his great woolly neck and buried his face in his golden fur. "I missed you," he said, and it was a very sad feeling to miss someone, but Edmund did not sound sad now. "I know you were always there, but I missed seeing you."

[notamelion]

"You may not always be able to see me," Aslan said quietly, "but I am always with you, Edmund. Know that any time you think of me, I am with you, even if you cannot see me."

There was a pause in which he put his great velvet paw on Edmund's shoulder, and then he went on, "Know that there is a reason for everything that will come to pass, even those things which seem otherwise."

[giftless]

There was something awfully ominous in the way that Aslan said that. But, then again, Aslan had that sort of voice that sounded important and mysterious and full of meaning no matter what he was saying.

"I'll remember," he said quietly, though he clung all the tighter to Aslan for it. "I don't suppose you can tell me what's to come to pass, can you?"

[notamelion]

"I believe you know the answer to that," Aslan said quietly. There was a slight hint of gentle reproof in his voice, but he was not angry with Edmund. It was a very human thing, to want to ask such a question.

[giftless]

Edmund smiled, somewhat rueful but not very happy. It was a sign of acceptance and letting go. "Doesn't hurt to try," he said.

He eased his grip on Aslan, taking half a step back so he could look at the Lion's face, his warm dark eyes while one hand idly stroked his mane. "You said you'd seen Charlie," Ed said, dropping the subject of the future. There was nothing he could do about that, except remember what Aslan had said when the time came. Now was another matter. "What do you think of him?"

[notamelion]

Aslan chuckled, a smile touching his face. "He isn't afraid to speak his mind, and that is admirable," he said. "But to say more than that, whether it be good or not, would be unwise. You might do something you were otherwise not meant to do."

[giftless]

Edmund could understand that. Often times, he had dreamed of how things would have changed had he known Aslan before the White Witch, if he'd met Mr. Tumnus with Lucy or ran across the Beavers first. He liked to think that he wouldn't have fallen into her at all, or at the least not so easily. But trying to imagine what would have happened after that was practically impossible for him. If Edmund had made the Good choice, would they have had a Good ending?

Still, it didn't help his nerves much, but in Aslan's presence, and with his words repeating in Edmund's head, those were all but entirely soothed. He would do the best he could. That was all Aslan asked of him now. He nodded. "I understand. I am glad you like him though, or at least his ability to speak out," he said with a faint grin.