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[giftless]

He didn't want to be doing this, but there was nothing about this situation that Edmund really had a choice in. There was nothing he could do to make things better, to take away Susan's tears, to make his own heart stop hurting, to bring his brother back. Everything was firmly out of his control, except this. He could at least make the walk to

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[healerofharms]

Jill tugged open her door, yawning as she rubbed the back of her neck with a hand. She looked decidedly rumpled, the tank top and shorts thankfully clean ones she'd kept just for this. "Ed?" Her face twisted in confusion as she peered up at him. "Whassit?"

She ran a hand over her face, leaning against the door frame.

[giftless]

It should have amused Edmund that Jill and his cousin Eustace apparently woke up in much the same manner, but he could only manage a bare smile then. Susan's tears were nearly dry and invisible on the shoulder of his shirt.

"I, um.." It hadn't been so hard to get the words out with Susan, but he felt as though it was his duty to cushion the blow for Jill somehow. "I've got to tell you something, Jill."

[healerofharms]

"What's going on?" She seemed considerably more awake, even though her eyes were still red and she was stretching, her arm pulled back by her other hand. "Is Susan alright?"

It was odd that it was her first thought - not Peter, because he could take care of himself, and not Rickon or Jon or Edmund himself, but Susan.

[giftless]

"Not really," he answered immediately, honestly, but carried on before Jill could jump on that. "But she's not--"

Oh bother, so much for diplomacy. It only did so much good in Narnia too. "It's not Susan, Jill. It's Peter." He took a deep breath, but refused to drag this out any longer than that. "Peter's gone."

[healerofharms]

Jill stared at him, completely still, not even moving. The only sign that she'd even heard him was that she'd completely stopped, not even drawing breath. Seconds ticked by as she stared at him, and she sucked in one gasp.

"What?"

Her hand tightened on the doorframe of her hut, her knuckles white as her color abruptly left her skin. "Edmund-" Her face was sickly white, blotches of pink and red standing out on her arms and face. Surely, this must be some sort of horrid, unforgivable cruel joke.

[giftless]

The look on Jill's face, the way she stopped, her pain hit him physically. He remembered the bite of the Witch's icy wand stabbing into his stomach, and this feeling now wasn't wholly unlike that.

But he kept a strong face, for her, a strong, sympathetic face, and shook his head. "He didn't come back," Edmund said, voice a touch rough. "He's gone."

[healerofharms]

"He can't." It wasn't a protest that was particularly sensible, but it was all that she could think to do. "Maybe he'd gone out."

That didn't make much sense either, and she gripped the doorframe so hard it hurt her fingers. She looked as if she was going to drop where she stood, even as she stared at Edmund. "Or- There must be some- He just-"

She didn't even realised that tears had started slipping down her cheeks. She didn't stop them, didn't try to brush them away, just all of a sudden Edmund was terribly blurry and while she didn't move, she supposed that she should sit down.

"He just told me he loved me." She sounded more confused than anything else, more confused than upset or angry at the moment. "He can't be gone, Edmund."

[giftless]

And the phantom wand twisted in his stomach. Edmund could understand Jill's confusion. It just didn't make sense, not when everything was going all-together so well, for Peter obviously and for all of them. Why couldn't life just go on happily for once, or if that was interrupted let it be by something normal. Edmund wouldn't trade his time in Narnia for anything in the world but sometimes, sometimes he would give anything for a little less senseless magic.

"Jill," he said gently. Stepping forward, Edmund moved one hand to her waist to hold her steady, the other gently trying to pry her hand from the door. "You should sit down, Jill."

[healerofharms]

She knew, of course, that he wasn't dead. He wasn't gone, he was fine- back home, probably.

She also knew that her chance of having what they had finally found with him, when she went back - it was so very slim if not non-existent. Edmund's hand, solid on her waist just struck something, and she let go of the door frame and abruptly was clinging to him, her face pressed against his neck as she cried.

It wasn't what she'd planned - it wasn't how she'd do it, wasn't really how she'd handled Bart going, or god, when Lionel had gone-

Peter had been the one who'd been there for her. Now, she was clinging to his brother. It'd been to much, too fast- she'd lost nearly everyone, now.

[giftless]

It wasn't the same as when Susan had cried on his shoulder. That had been a moment between brother and sister, a familiar sort of intimacy they had always had even if they had not always acted on it. But Edmund had come to think of Jill in terms of Peter, and it felt doubly wrong to hold her just then. She needed comfort and he wouldn't let her go, but as Edmund ran his hand soothingly up and down the unfamiliar lines of her back, he couldn't help but think Peter should be here.

He didn't try to shush her or tell her it would be alright. She could cry all she liked, and though it would eventually, one day, much later be alright, it wasn't now.

[healerofharms]

It was only a bit before she managed to pull herself back, wiping her cheeks with shaking hands. "I- I'm sorry, I've not even thought how difficult this must be for y-you." She took a deep breath to try and center herself, telling herself to buck up.

He was in Narnia, where he'd always wanted to be. That- It wasn't as if he'd gone back to his death, per se. The fact that he likely wouldn't remember her-

He'd promised he'd try. "Are you alright? I- I suppose not, I just- is there anything I can do?" She still couldn't stop the tears, but she just scrubbed at them, trying to hold herself together until a later point.

[giftless]

"Don't worry about me, Jill." It was nice of her, and nice in general, to show concern, but Edmund still had Susan and Caspian and Charlie. He could fall on them when he felt weak and sad. Edmund didn't know who all Jill had, and he was there just then.

Besides, this wasn't the first time he'd been without Peter. He could still remember the cold burn of losing Lucy. It hurt, but he would soldier on.

"Thank you, though. Can I do anything for you?"

[healerofharms]

She shook her head, and looked down at the floor for just a moment. "No, I- I think I'd like a bit of time- a bit of time to myself, if you don't-" She sucked in another breath, and forced a small pained smile. "If you don't mind? I- I've-" She looked back at her hut. "I've got some things to do." It was a complete lie - complete and utter, but she didn't do this. Lean on people. Let them help in this way.

There'd been two exceptions, and one was now gone, and the other was halfway across the island. "Thank you for telling me," she said quietly, her hands tight on the hem of her shirt.

[giftless]

"Of course," he said gently. Everyone did things in their own way, mourned in their own way, and Ed's way had been taking care of everyone else first. It didn't surprise him that Jill pulled away now, after the shock.

Edmund took a step back, but paused before going any farther. "You know where I am, Jill. There or in the Hamlet. Come by any time, alright? You're not alone in this."

[healerofharms]

"I- Alright," she said, finding his hand and squeezing it for just a moment. "And I'm here, if you need me." She didn't even know how she was going to get through the next few hours, much less the coming days and weeks, but if he needed her, she'd be there.

"I should-" She looked back again, mostly because she was holding onto her composure just barely.

[giftless]

He returned the squeeze, but Edmund could see the signs of a fall and knew well enough that she didn't want him here for that, not right now. So Edmund nodded again, biting lightly at his lower lip. "I'll go," he said, stepping back. "I'll see you."