(no subject)
I have become to understand that I use my LJ continuously in order to vent out my feelings in terms of my relationship with Chris. When we fight, which comes in spurts simply meaning that we are good for two weeks, perfectly great, and then for two days straight we bitch and bitch and bitch.
SO I JUST WANT TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT IF YOU FEEL LIKE NOT READING feel free because I'm writing this for my own sanity not for someone elses entertainment, which is why I hope the rest of you use this too.
There are so many aspects of this relationship that are unbalanced. As aforementioned in some LJ entries, he places double standards on me in terms of how I handle myself, how I deliver my feelings, how I enjoy my nights even.
My realization of this starting off in San Diego, when he yells, well really screams then ignores me, because he caught me using diet pills. While I know the health hazards of the bastards, I figured hell I could use them for the week I'm in Cali, look a little bit better in a bikini. OK. So it was dumb, a stupid expense for the health of my body. So I throw them out to 1- prevent future fighting, and 2- for my well being. I say though, that this is bullshit because he takes things or really inhales shit that messes up his body. Blah blah, to sum up a long fight of BS it took me lik three days to convince him that that it's just not fair for him to say I can't take those pills if he can smoke cigars and do salvia and all that other dandy stuff.
THEN he started to complain about me and my "justifications", saying that when he criticizes me for doing something, I always comeback with something he did previously to try and make up for the wrong I just committed. OK, so maybe I do and that IS something that I need to work on BUT the part that urks the shit out of me is that he does it too. He can never take a mean thought, or the idea of me being upset with him. He has to be Mr. Perfect Boyfriend all the time or Dear God he might as well die. I just think that he can't be the one to judge me or punish me for these so-called justifications if he pulls the same bull allll the timeee as well.
Now, long story short, he says I need to just say sorry and get it over with because otherwise i extend an unnecessary argument. Well, now tables have turned and has he given me any sort of apology? No. In fact, he
comes into my room only to tell me how I could of avoided the guy telling me to "Shut the fuck up!". Hmm, tell me is there something wrong with this scenario? I think so. So I told him if he REALLY only came into my room to tell me I needed to not to do this, then to get out. So here I am. Thinking when he will come back in to tell me he is sorry, how he should of told the guy off, or at least to not talk to me in that way. Right? Is that so hard toask? That being a rhetorical question because duh, its not hard in anyway. He KNEW without me even saying that I was upset with him for the specific event in teh car but has no decency to apologize. UGHHHH ASSSHOLEEEEE
you love em. YOU HATE EM
SO I JUST WANT TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT IF YOU FEEL LIKE NOT READING feel free because I'm writing this for my own sanity not for someone elses entertainment, which is why I hope the rest of you use this too.
There are so many aspects of this relationship that are unbalanced. As aforementioned in some LJ entries, he places double standards on me in terms of how I handle myself, how I deliver my feelings, how I enjoy my nights even.
My realization of this starting off in San Diego, when he yells, well really screams then ignores me, because he caught me using diet pills. While I know the health hazards of the bastards, I figured hell I could use them for the week I'm in Cali, look a little bit better in a bikini. OK. So it was dumb, a stupid expense for the health of my body. So I throw them out to 1- prevent future fighting, and 2- for my well being. I say though, that this is bullshit because he takes things or really inhales shit that messes up his body. Blah blah, to sum up a long fight of BS it took me lik three days to convince him that that it's just not fair for him to say I can't take those pills if he can smoke cigars and do salvia and all that other dandy stuff.
THEN he started to complain about me and my "justifications", saying that when he criticizes me for doing something, I always comeback with something he did previously to try and make up for the wrong I just committed. OK, so maybe I do and that IS something that I need to work on BUT the part that urks the shit out of me is that he does it too. He can never take a mean thought, or the idea of me being upset with him. He has to be Mr. Perfect Boyfriend all the time or Dear God he might as well die. I just think that he can't be the one to judge me or punish me for these so-called justifications if he pulls the same bull allll the timeee as well.
Now, long story short, he says I need to just say sorry and get it over with because otherwise i extend an unnecessary argument. Well, now tables have turned and has he given me any sort of apology? No. In fact, he
comes into my room only to tell me how I could of avoided the guy telling me to "Shut the fuck up!". Hmm, tell me is there something wrong with this scenario? I think so. So I told him if he REALLY only came into my room to tell me I needed to not to do this, then to get out. So here I am. Thinking when he will come back in to tell me he is sorry, how he should of told the guy off, or at least to not talk to me in that way. Right? Is that so hard toask? That being a rhetorical question because duh, its not hard in anyway. He KNEW without me even saying that I was upset with him for the specific event in teh car but has no decency to apologize. UGHHHH ASSSHOLEEEEE
you love em. YOU HATE EM