Fic: I Remember You - Chapter 16

[gidgetgal9]

Title:  I Remember You
Author:  gidgetgal9 
Summary:  Sam wakes up in a hospital with no memory. Will he learn the truth about what happened to him in time to save himself? S3 Not a death fiction!
Disclaimer & Rating:  Please see Chapter 1

Previous Chapters


Chapter 16

A good cup of coffee was just what Dean needed to steady his nerves, and he had found that in the well used kitchen in Bobby’s house. Dean sat down at the table and took a moment to clear his head.

Dean felt a contradiction of emotions. He wanted his Sammy back. The one that he could communicate with a look, that was in sync with him on hunts. He wanted his kid brother back.

But, at the same time, life without Sam’s memories had been nice. It was fun getting acquainted with a Sam who wasn’t tainted by a whole life of tragedy. He was just beginning to feel connected to the new Sam, and he was enjoying this connection.

The recent events had proven to Dean that in the end Sam needed his memories. As long as demons were after his kid brother, it was imperative that Sam have all of his memories in order to be prepared for future attacks.

It didn’t mean that Dean wasn’t apprehensive because he was. The reversal ritual and potion was an unknown factor, to them, and he worried how they would affect Sam. Would there be side effects?

Then there was the guilt. Bobby had made it clear to Dean that it was best to let things go. He still felt guilt over keeping the reversal ritual and potion from Sam but he understood that revealing that fact now wouldn’t help the situation. They needed to move on, time was too precious.

Plus, Dean really did feel Bobby was right about how Sam might have reacted to the Mara threat if he had had his memories. It was a very real fact that Sam probably would have gone after Mara on his own. That realization made Dean at peace with his decision to hold Sam's memories from him.

Dean was pulled from his thoughts as his little brother wandered into the kitchen wiping the sleep from his eyes. Sam still moved slowly and Dean could tell the boy was still suffering a bit of the after effects of the attack.

“Hey Sammy, get a good night's sleep?” Dean asked as Sam plopped down across from him.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Yes, Mom.”

“Want some coffee?” Dean asked as he started to get up.

“Dean, I appreciate you taking care of me, but I’m not an invalid, I can get my own coffee.” Sam snapped as he got up and moved towards the coffee pot.

“Dude, I was just…” Dean was cut off.

“I’m sorry Dean. It’s just I’m so tired of being helpless and weak, but I shouldn't take it out on you.” Sam gave Dean a small smile as he got himself a coffee mug down from the cabinet and began to pour himself some brew.

Dean waved it off. “Lil’ brother, we are all on edge. Too much crap has happened, and I know I’ve snapped a few times. No worries.”

Sam nodded in agreement. “Yeah, even Bobby has been a bit grumpier than usual.”

Dean smiled as his brother sat back down. “Poor Bobby, we’ve made his life too exciting lately.”

“Yep.” Sam took a tentative sip of his hot coffee and then gave Dean a serious look. “So, I’m feeling better, and I was wondering if we should consider doing the ritual thing.”

Dean had been dreading this moment, the longer he could postpone the ritual, in his mind the better.

Dean sighed and replied. “Uh, to be honest Sam, I’m not sure what kind of side effects you might suffer, so I’m not sure you’re strong enough.”

Sam frowned in confusion. “I thought this thing was used on another hunter without any bad side effects?”

Dean grimaced, feeling a battle coming on with his younger sibling. “Yeah well, that doesn’t prove anything, it could affect each person differently.”

Sam huffed. “It could but you don’t know that!”

“True, but when it comes to your health, I don’t want to take any chances.” Dean struggled to keep his voice calm. He really didn’t want to fight with Sam. Life was literally too short to be fighting.

“I’m willing to take the chance, and it should be my decision Dean. I’m an adult, a fact I think you tend to forget.” Sam’s face was full of anger and frustration.

Dean realized quickly that Sam had made a decision and that nothing he said was going to change the kid’s mind.

“Sam, I get that you want to get this over. I would too, if I were you. Let’s just ask Bobby what he thinks, okay? If he thinks you’re strong enough, then I’ll support you in doing this now.” Dean held his breath hoping that his brother would give in.

“I’m willing to get Bobby’s opinion on this, but in the end, it’s my decision.” Sam’s tone let Dean know that his brother meant business.”

“Well, Bobby’s doing research at his desk if you want to ask him now.” Dean replied quietly.

Sam shrugged. “Might as well.”

Sam got up and motioned for Dean to lead the way. “Age before beauty.”

Dean smirked. He was glad to see a little of Sam’s anger dissipating

“Whatever Samantha, I can’t help it if my brother is so pretty.” Dean felt Sam push his shoulder lightly.

“Shut up Dean!”

“Great come back Sammy.”

-0-

Bobby could hear the boys shuffling his way. Both were doing their mutual brotherly banter.

“Boys, do you always have to act like your twelve?” Bobby gave them a friendly smirk.

“Dean can’t help it if he acts his mental age.” Sam replied.

Dean glared and then smiled. “Now that, Sammy was a decent come back.”

Bobby watched as Sam rolled his eyes at his brother, and then shuffled nervously in front of him.

Sam took a deep breath and spoke. “Uh Bobby, I was wondering if you thought I would be strong enough to do the reversal ritual now?” The boy's eyes immediately fell to his feet as if something interesting was there.

“Well Sam, let me ask you a few questions and I want you to answer them honestly. Oh and Dean, you keep quiet, because I don’t want this escalating into a fight.” Bobby watched as Dean opened his mouth and then closed it, rolling his eyes.

Sam smirked at his brother. “Sure Bobby, shoot.”

“So are you still experiencing headaches or dizziness?” Bobby knew that the first few days after the attack, Sam had suffered from horrible headaches and when he tried to stand, dizziness assaulted the boy. The kid seemed better now.

Sam smiled brightly. “No headaches or dizziness.”

Bobby smiled back and noticed that even Dean had a bit of a grin on his face. It was nice to see Sam healthy for a change.

“How about fatigue?” Bobby watched Sam’s face fall with that question.

“Uh, well I’m better but to be totally honest, by the end of the day, I’m pretty wiped out.” Sam’s face was full of disappointment.

Dean’s face had fallen a bit too, but he was now sporting a reassuring smile.

Bobby nodded. “Well kid, that’s to be expected. Your poor body has been through a lot. It’s going to take time for it to recoup.”

Sam’s posture drooped at that statement. “So we wait?”

Bobby raised an eyebrow in thought. “Not necessarily boy. I mean, when they used the ritual and potion on that other hunter, they didn’t wait, and I’m sure he was suffering from ill effects just like you. If you think you’re up for it, then I’d be willing to help you.”

Sam’s face lit up a bit. “Really?”

Dean huffed and shuffled in place. Bobby knew that he wasn’t happy with the turn of events.

Bobby sighed. “Are you sure you want to try this Sam?”

Sam smiled. “I need too. Part of me is missing and I want it back.”

Dean stomped out of the room and Bobby heard the front door slam shut as the young hunter made a hasty retreat.

Sam looked at Bobby guiltily. “Dean’s not happy.”

Bobby took his hat off and wiped his brow before replacing his hat. “I’ll talk to him, let’s just give him time to cool off a bit.”

Sam nodded in agreement. “So while we let him cool off can we get start on preparing?”

Bobby smiled fondly at Sam. It was really remarkable that this amnesic Sam was so much like the Sam he knew a loved.

“Not necessary Sam, I’ve been preparing since I got the information from Josh. Give me an hour to put the potion together, and talk to Dean, and we should be ready to begin.”

Sam nodded, and Bobby could tell from the boy’s nervous energy that he needed something to do, or he would go crazy waiting.

“Uh Sam, could you brew some fresh coffee and make something for an early lunch? I skipped breakfast and I’m starving.”

Sam gave Bobby a small smile. “Sure thing Bobby. Sandwiches okay?”

“Yep, and I’ll be in the kitchen in a minute to mix that potion.”

-0-

Sam watched as Bobby put together a hodge podge of weird ingredients. He tried not to dwell on the fact that he would be expected to drink the mixture soon.

Sam just hoped he could keep the potion down. His stomach was in knots. He was worried and a bit afraid of the whole ritual and potion thing. Plus now that Dean was mad at him, he didn’t have the brotherly support he craved, to get through the process.

He understood Dean’s reluctance to proceed while he didn’t feel a hundred percent, but Sam wasn’t going to let that stop him. He couldn’t wait any longer. Everyday he awoke with the feeling that something was missing, something wasn’t right. It made his skin crawl at times.

Sam was also tired of being so weak and fragile. It was his hope that once the ritual was reversed, he would start to rebound health wise. He couldn’t help but believe that Mara was still messing with his head and body, and he needed that influence gone if he was going to get better.

Sam was drawn out of his thoughts by Bobby’s voice. “Boy, you sure are quiet. What’cha thinking about?”

Sam sighed, maybe he needed to share his fears and doubts with someone. It was getting hard to hold all the emotions in but he didn’t want to be more of a burden than he already was.

“Uh, I was just thinking that I … well I understand why Dean’s mad at me. I wish he wasn’t.”

“He’ll come around, or at least we can try to get him too. You know if you shared your thoughts and feelings with him instead of yelling, he might be more understanding.” Bobby never looked up as he spoke, he just continued to mix ingredients.

“He’s not the caring and sharing sort. And, I’m beginning to get the feeling that I’m not either.” Sam smiled at that thought. He was becoming more comfortable with who he was even without his memories.

“Damn Winchesters hold things close to the vest. I’ll give you that.” Bobby looked up and gave Sam a reassuring smile. “I’m almost finished here. Why don’t you go and try to talk to Dean?”

Sam didn’t want to face Dean yet, but he knew if he was going to move forward and do the ritual, he needed his brother’s support.

“Yeah, okay.” Sam replied as he headed outside.

-0-

Sam found Dean sitting in his car, with the music on. It was a bit chilly outside and Sam felt a shiver as he approached the car.

Sam took a deep breath and opened the passenger door, plopping himself down next to his brother. Dean looked over sizing Sam up.

“So Dean, can we talk? I mean really talk?” Sam was afraid to give Dean eye contact, he was afraid to see anger there, but he forced himself to look Dean’s direction.

Dean gave Sam a tight nod. “Yeah, but let’s talk, I'm tired of fighting.”

“Dean, I’ve had some fears that I’ve been keeping to myself. With everything that has been going on, I didn’t want to burden you with anything else.” Sam looked down and played with a frayed spot on his jeans.

“Dude, we’re family, you’re never a burden. So get over yourself and spill!” Dean’s voice was full of concern.

“Part of me doesn’t want to do this stupid ritual. It scares me to death, but… I need to Dean. I wake up in the morning and I feel like I’m missing part of me. It’s hard to explain, but … I feel like I need to do this to feel normal again.” Sam heard his brother chuckle and looked up.

“Sorry Sam, it’s just that our lives have never been normal. But I get what you’re saying, I do. It’s just we don’t know what is going to happen when we perform the ritual, and I want you to be a hundred percent.” Dean’s face was full of concern.

“Yeah, and I get that, but there’s something else… I’m not sure I’m going to get better, at least until the ritual is performed.” Sam sighed and went back to picking at his jeans.

Sam felt Dean gently grab his chin and now he was staring at Dean.

Dean’s voice was a mix of confusion and concern. “What are you talking about Sam?”

“It’s just that I feel like Mara is still in control. I know she’s dead, but I don’t feel any different than when she was alive. If the bond was truly broken, wouldn’t I be getting better? ‘Cause, I don’t feel better. I’m still fatigued and she haunts my dreams, telling me that I belong to her.” Sam felt Dean’s thumb pad wipe some moisture away from his face. It was then that Sam realized that he had started to cry.

“It’s okay Sammy, we’ll figure this out.” Sam let his brother pull him into an embrace. While it was true that Sam didn’t remember his past with Dean, it was like his subconscious did, because at this moment he felt great comfort in his brother’s arms.

-0-

Dean held Sam and let the boy cry out all the fears and frustrations that he had been keeping inside of him. Sam was one to hold things close to the vest like most Winchesters but with the past month, Dean could tell the boy was at a breaking point. It was a relief that his brother had finally opened up.

He should have known that his brother was keeping stuff from him, the kid had been very quiet lately. Dean had just written it off as stress.

Leave it to Sam to think he was a burden, and not wanting to cause more problems by sharing his fears.

Oh and Dean now shared those fears. It made a lot of sense to the older sibling that, the demon while dead, might still be poisoning his little brother. The ritual had bound Sam to that damn demon and that couldn’t be good.

They had thought with Mara’s death, that Sam would have broken free of her influence but that didn’t seem to be the case. Now that Sam had pointed it out, Dean realized that his brother had fallen right back into the same health pattern as before her death.

Sam would have a good day and then the next he would be wiped out. He hadn’t been sleeping well, due to nightmares, but Dean had expected that after the traumatic events Sam had endured. So Dean just thought given time, his little brother would kick the fatigue, but now he wasn’t so sure.

Dean was afraid that the reversal ritual and potion might not be enough, they might have to reverse the binding ritual also. That would mean recreating the blood sacrifice that his brother had suffered through at Mara’s hands and Dean was fearful that in doing that, Sam might have a mental breakdown.

It was clear to Dean that once he had Sam calmed down, he needed to talk to Bobby to get this all worked out.
Chapter 17 Here