The Blues
I cannot shake these blues. I have been sad, depressed, blue or whatever you wanna call it now for months. I have a good couple of days and then WHAM! and I never even see it coming. I've gone to a doctor and he gave me some anti depressants, but I haven't taken them yet. I think I'm afraid of what they won't let me feel. I also started seeing a therapist, but that was no help either. I went to about 5 sessions with her. She was late to 4 of them and talked somewhat about her own feelings. I just kept saying to myself" is this what I'm paying $125.00 dollars for". But of course I didn't say anything. I just stopped going. She was nice and all, but I already have friends. It's summer and I'm usually better in the summer, busy with the kids and all, but I defintly feel a difference this summer. Nothing seems to be that exciting. Not even the before mentioned packing. (although it is a minor thrill) We might go to beach while we are on vacation, and that is my favorite place to be maybe that will put me on the right track again. I don't know what else to do. I guess I could try another therapist or the medicine But at the moment I feel as though it is hopeless. I am permanently blue. I now realize what people are talking about. Although (and let me make this clear) I have no thoughts of suicide or hurting anyone else. In fact everything I do wrong brings me great guilt. I just feel bad, and not the " I can't get out bed cause I'm to depressed" thing either. It's like a cloud over only me. Not quite raining, but the feeling that it is going to and soon! I sorta wish it would rain just to get it over with already!