Just another entry in the ‘insane fic ideas’ log
So earlier I was talking to jacqui_hw on the phone about my niece’s obsession with the movie Annie. This is the first movie I ever saw in the theater, when I was three and a half, and I still love it.
Clearly Brian Schechter is Daddy Warbucks (with or without the bald head, your choice) and Gerard is Grace Farrell! So Brian sends his secretary Gerard to get him an orphan in the interest of good PR everywhere, and Gerard goes to the orphanage to talk to the always inebriated Miss Hannigan Mr. Saporta! And while trying not to judge Mr. Saporta’s fitness as head of the orphanage full of impressionable young boys (just because drinking doesn’t work for Gerard doesn’t mean it isn’t a valid lifestyle choice!) Gerard meets Little Orphan Frankie! Now, Frankie is a bad little orphan, and dirty to boot, what with all the sneaking out of the orphanage and running the streets he does with his dog Mikey.
(Yeah, you read that right. Mikey is Frank’s dog. In fact, there was a whole side conversation about filthy little street urchins tying tin cans to Mikey’s ass and how if you replaced all the ‘Sandy’ bits in the song with ‘Mikey’ it works really well. In fact, Jac did a bit of Googling and a little find/replace…
Fifi, That ain't a name for this mutt.
So how about Champion?
Champion you're anything but.
We could call him Tiger, But there's no bite in him,
Tiger! Kittens would frighten him.
Rover! When you think it over,
Rover is the perfect name for this dumb look-in' dog.
Mikey, Mikey's his name if you please.
If you don't be-lieve me ask anyone of the fleas
Residing on Mikey,
True he ain't pedigreed, Mikey, there ain't no better breed.
And he really comes in handy,
'Specially when you're all alone in the night
and you're small and terribly frightened it's
Mikey, Mikey who'll always be there!)
Anyway! Gerard thinks Frankie’s dirty little face is super adorable, and he just knows the object of his affection Daddy Schechterbucks will LOVE Frankie when he meets him, so Gerard tells Mr. Saporta that he will be taking Frankie home now, thank you very much. And Frankie asks if he can bring his dog Mikey too, and Gerard very kindly does not point out that Mikey is not in fact a dog. (He’s pretty sure he can fool Daddy Schechterbucks if Mikey maybe slouches a bit more. Mikey’s hair is pretty shaggy anyway. And he hates taking a bath.) So Gerard takes Little Orphan Frankie and his dog Mikey to Daddy Schechterbucks’ gigantic house, where they are met by Punjab Bob!
Little Orphan Frankie settles in pretty well at Daddy Schechterbucks’ house after Brian has a huge fit about two orphans when he specifically asked for one! (Gerard and Frankie try their best to convince Daddy Schechterbucks that Mikey is a dog, but Mikey doesn’t help by standing around and going, “I’m not a dog. :|” and stuff.) Gerard just bats his eyelashes a bit more and Daddy Schechterbucks gives in, as usual. He totally doesn’t give in because he wants Gerard’s sweet ass, though. That is definitely not why. But yes, Frankie settles in and pesters Bob and swims in the indoor pool, but he is still hung up on finding his real parents! So Daddy Schechterbucks promises that he will help Frankie find his real parents.
In the meantime, though, Frankie gets to go to the movies! Like, a real movie! He can’t help that he falls asleep though - it was all that excitement! And he doesn’t even stir when Daddy Schechterbucks and Gerard take him home and get him undressed and put him to bed. (Seriously, you fucking perverts. They just put him to bed. Really.) And then he gets to meet FDR President Toro! (Picture Ray in a three-piece suit and “Ghost of You” hair!)
But then…Bert and Quinn show up pretending to be Little Orphan Frankie’s real parents! Dun dun DUN! They have proof and everything, so they take him away from Daddy Schechterbucks and Gerard, who both miss him as soon as he leaves the house. :( :( :( But! Back at the orphanage, Frankie’s orphan friends Brendon, Jon, Ryan, and Spencer have discovered it is all a dastardly plot by Bert and Quinn and Mr. Saporta to get the money Daddy Schechterbucks was offering to little Frankie’s real parents! So they all run and run and run (and run some more) all the way to Daddy Schechterbucks’ house to expose the evil villains. And Daddy Schechterbucks is SUPER PISSED! So he gathers up Gerard and his bodyguard, Bob, and they go after Bert and Quinn and Mr. Saporta!
In the meantime, Little Orphan Frankie has discovered on his own that Bert and Quinn aren’t his parents, and he’s scared, but somehow he gets away, climbs up the bridge, and is saved just in time by Bob dangling precariously from a helicopter! Etc., etc., etc. (I think Little Orphan Frankie should grow up and marry Bob in a couple of years!)
In the end, Daddy Schechterbucks falls in love with his secretary Gerard and adopts all of Frankie’s orphan friends as well as Frankie, and Mikey gets to stop pretending to be a dog because Brian adopts him too! And he and Gerard are going to get married! And in the very last scene, Frankie gazes adoringly up at Brian and says “I love you, Daddy Schechterbucks” and THEY ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!
ETA: Now with bonus cheerleader!Frank in the comments!
ETA 2: NOW WITH 100% MORE CHEERLEADER!FRANK ART!
Clearly Brian Schechter is Daddy Warbucks (with or without the bald head, your choice) and Gerard is Grace Farrell! So Brian sends his secretary Gerard to get him an orphan in the interest of good PR everywhere, and Gerard goes to the orphanage to talk to the always inebriated Miss Hannigan Mr. Saporta! And while trying not to judge Mr. Saporta’s fitness as head of the orphanage full of impressionable young boys (just because drinking doesn’t work for Gerard doesn’t mean it isn’t a valid lifestyle choice!) Gerard meets Little Orphan Frankie! Now, Frankie is a bad little orphan, and dirty to boot, what with all the sneaking out of the orphanage and running the streets he does with his dog Mikey.
(Yeah, you read that right. Mikey is Frank’s dog. In fact, there was a whole side conversation about filthy little street urchins tying tin cans to Mikey’s ass and how if you replaced all the ‘Sandy’ bits in the song with ‘Mikey’ it works really well. In fact, Jac did a bit of Googling and a little find/replace…
Fifi, That ain't a name for this mutt.
So how about Champion?
Champion you're anything but.
We could call him Tiger, But there's no bite in him,
Tiger! Kittens would frighten him.
Rover! When you think it over,
Rover is the perfect name for this dumb look-in' dog.
Mikey, Mikey's his name if you please.
If you don't be-lieve me ask anyone of the fleas
Residing on Mikey,
True he ain't pedigreed, Mikey, there ain't no better breed.
And he really comes in handy,
'Specially when you're all alone in the night
and you're small and terribly frightened it's
Mikey, Mikey who'll always be there!)
Anyway! Gerard thinks Frankie’s dirty little face is super adorable, and he just knows the object of his affection Daddy Schechterbucks will LOVE Frankie when he meets him, so Gerard tells Mr. Saporta that he will be taking Frankie home now, thank you very much. And Frankie asks if he can bring his dog Mikey too, and Gerard very kindly does not point out that Mikey is not in fact a dog. (He’s pretty sure he can fool Daddy Schechterbucks if Mikey maybe slouches a bit more. Mikey’s hair is pretty shaggy anyway. And he hates taking a bath.) So Gerard takes Little Orphan Frankie and his dog Mikey to Daddy Schechterbucks’ gigantic house, where they are met by Punjab Bob!
Little Orphan Frankie settles in pretty well at Daddy Schechterbucks’ house after Brian has a huge fit about two orphans when he specifically asked for one! (Gerard and Frankie try their best to convince Daddy Schechterbucks that Mikey is a dog, but Mikey doesn’t help by standing around and going, “I’m not a dog. :|” and stuff.) Gerard just bats his eyelashes a bit more and Daddy Schechterbucks gives in, as usual. He totally doesn’t give in because he wants Gerard’s sweet ass, though. That is definitely not why. But yes, Frankie settles in and pesters Bob and swims in the indoor pool, but he is still hung up on finding his real parents! So Daddy Schechterbucks promises that he will help Frankie find his real parents.
In the meantime, though, Frankie gets to go to the movies! Like, a real movie! He can’t help that he falls asleep though - it was all that excitement! And he doesn’t even stir when Daddy Schechterbucks and Gerard take him home and get him undressed and put him to bed. (Seriously, you fucking perverts. They just put him to bed. Really.) And then he gets to meet FDR President Toro! (Picture Ray in a three-piece suit and “Ghost of You” hair!)
But then…Bert and Quinn show up pretending to be Little Orphan Frankie’s real parents! Dun dun DUN! They have proof and everything, so they take him away from Daddy Schechterbucks and Gerard, who both miss him as soon as he leaves the house. :( :( :( But! Back at the orphanage, Frankie’s orphan friends Brendon, Jon, Ryan, and Spencer have discovered it is all a dastardly plot by Bert and Quinn and Mr. Saporta to get the money Daddy Schechterbucks was offering to little Frankie’s real parents! So they all run and run and run (and run some more) all the way to Daddy Schechterbucks’ house to expose the evil villains. And Daddy Schechterbucks is SUPER PISSED! So he gathers up Gerard and his bodyguard, Bob, and they go after Bert and Quinn and Mr. Saporta!
In the meantime, Little Orphan Frankie has discovered on his own that Bert and Quinn aren’t his parents, and he’s scared, but somehow he gets away, climbs up the bridge, and is saved just in time by Bob dangling precariously from a helicopter! Etc., etc., etc. (I think Little Orphan Frankie should grow up and marry Bob in a couple of years!)
In the end, Daddy Schechterbucks falls in love with his secretary Gerard and adopts all of Frankie’s orphan friends as well as Frankie, and Mikey gets to stop pretending to be a dog because Brian adopts him too! And he and Gerard are going to get married! And in the very last scene, Frankie gazes adoringly up at Brian and says “I love you, Daddy Schechterbucks” and THEY ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!
ETA: Now with bonus cheerleader!Frank in the comments!
ETA 2: NOW WITH 100% MORE CHEERLEADER!FRANK ART!