writing
I really hate the way I write and I have for a long time. And I've thought that if I kept writing in this livejournal that eventually I'd get better. But every time I skim through past posts I become ashamed of myself, and I often think of just deleting my livejournal altogether. But then I always talk myself out of it because sometimes I learn great things from looking back at something I may have forgotten.
You'd think for someone who reads as much as I do, that I'd be a better writer. I think the way I write is boring. Not at all engaging. You might skim it and miss details and then move on to something else. And then sometimes I might write something that's so vague and not detailed enough to where it's not even interesting or easy to relate to at all. Or it might offend someone. Or it might make me sound very shallow.
If I wasn't a math major, I'd want to take a bunch of creative writing courses. Maybe after I get my degree and get a job, I'll go to school in the summers and take writing courses.
So anyway, I'm going to write about my day. I did another observation at T.H. Rogers Elementary today. By now the kids are very familiar with me. I have them call me "Ms. Ashley" because I don't want to be called "Mrs. Gibson" until I'm actually a teacher. I'm not so big into kids but I have to admit, I do get this warm, fuzzy feeling inside when I walk into the classroom and all the kids smile at me and say "Hi Ms Ashley!" So there was a change of plans and when I came an announcement came on to direct the 5th graders to the auditorium. There was a presentation of Diwali (or Deepavali) which is an Indian holiday known to us as the Festival of Lights.
Now I don't intend to write about the presentation itself but about having the opportunity to go into a school playing a different role. It's really bizarre. I remember when I was a kid...even in high school, and we'd have some sort of presentation going on in the auditorium. I always saw this as my opportunity to jack around. Make my friends laugh. Make fun of whoever was on stage. I always got in trouble. But I didn't care...that was just part of the fun. I loved being a little rebel. I almost relished the attention I would get from being "disciplined".
And today, I was sitting in this auditorium, genuinely interested in learning about Diwali, and was getting increasingly annoyed by my class. They were making fun of the traditional dance moves, waving their hands around. Talking to eachother and laughing while some little girl was singing. When a musical track came on that was too loud, most of them covered their ears until the song was over. A lot of the little boys were boxing their ears to the beat of the music.
Some of the teachers would walk through the rows and give specific students stern looks and tell them to "stop it, sit still, be respectful."
And since my mentor teacher left me with the class in the auditorium, I knew that it was my responsibility to discipline my class. I really couldn't bring myself to do it. Not because they weren't genuinely annoying me. Because they were.
But because I realized....this is their time to jack around. They get to get out of the classroom. The classroom that they have to sit their butts in for almost 6 hours a day 5 days a week. They crave the opportunity to talk to one another. To make eachother laugh. To run around. And who am I? Am I any better? Was I any better? Fuck no.
So I just sat there, watched the performance, and ignored them. I can only set an example. I'm not sure if I did the right thing. I probably didn't. But I am not comfortable in this role.
We'll see what observing a high school class is like in a couple of semesters.
You'd think for someone who reads as much as I do, that I'd be a better writer. I think the way I write is boring. Not at all engaging. You might skim it and miss details and then move on to something else. And then sometimes I might write something that's so vague and not detailed enough to where it's not even interesting or easy to relate to at all. Or it might offend someone. Or it might make me sound very shallow.
If I wasn't a math major, I'd want to take a bunch of creative writing courses. Maybe after I get my degree and get a job, I'll go to school in the summers and take writing courses.
So anyway, I'm going to write about my day. I did another observation at T.H. Rogers Elementary today. By now the kids are very familiar with me. I have them call me "Ms. Ashley" because I don't want to be called "Mrs. Gibson" until I'm actually a teacher. I'm not so big into kids but I have to admit, I do get this warm, fuzzy feeling inside when I walk into the classroom and all the kids smile at me and say "Hi Ms Ashley!" So there was a change of plans and when I came an announcement came on to direct the 5th graders to the auditorium. There was a presentation of Diwali (or Deepavali) which is an Indian holiday known to us as the Festival of Lights.
Now I don't intend to write about the presentation itself but about having the opportunity to go into a school playing a different role. It's really bizarre. I remember when I was a kid...even in high school, and we'd have some sort of presentation going on in the auditorium. I always saw this as my opportunity to jack around. Make my friends laugh. Make fun of whoever was on stage. I always got in trouble. But I didn't care...that was just part of the fun. I loved being a little rebel. I almost relished the attention I would get from being "disciplined".
And today, I was sitting in this auditorium, genuinely interested in learning about Diwali, and was getting increasingly annoyed by my class. They were making fun of the traditional dance moves, waving their hands around. Talking to eachother and laughing while some little girl was singing. When a musical track came on that was too loud, most of them covered their ears until the song was over. A lot of the little boys were boxing their ears to the beat of the music.
Some of the teachers would walk through the rows and give specific students stern looks and tell them to "stop it, sit still, be respectful."
And since my mentor teacher left me with the class in the auditorium, I knew that it was my responsibility to discipline my class. I really couldn't bring myself to do it. Not because they weren't genuinely annoying me. Because they were.
But because I realized....this is their time to jack around. They get to get out of the classroom. The classroom that they have to sit their butts in for almost 6 hours a day 5 days a week. They crave the opportunity to talk to one another. To make eachother laugh. To run around. And who am I? Am I any better? Was I any better? Fuck no.
So I just sat there, watched the performance, and ignored them. I can only set an example. I'm not sure if I did the right thing. I probably didn't. But I am not comfortable in this role.
We'll see what observing a high school class is like in a couple of semesters.