Fic : Moonlight
Title : Moonlight
Author : gibbstonysbabe
Beta : amy_0127
Pairings : Gibbs/ Tony
Word Count : 4785
Genere : NCIS
Rating : MA
Disclaimer : I don't own them...damn shame really.
Written for halloween_tibbs .
Summary : Desires hidden in the dark are causing them to drift further apart. One ready to flee as the other hides in his basement. Three unexpected allies push them into the moonlight, shining the light on everything they had hidden for so long. Will they open up to each other and take the risk?
Sitting up in the bed struggling to breathe, he slowly woke up and realized that he was alone in his bed and once again, it was only a dream. Sighing, he rubbed his hands down his face hoping his body would calm down. This was the fifth night in a row he was plagued with dreams; but they weren’t normal, they felt real.
He felt that he was a part of the dream, feeling everything that was happening. There had never been dreams like this before and he needed them to stop. Turning his head, he looked out his window at the moon and felt more alone than he could remember.
The problem was that he wanted those dreams to be real, wanted everything that he dreamt about to be real. That was not going to happen. It had been ten years and there was not one sign that it was even in the cards.
Some dreams he could get lost in and enjoy the moment where everything he wanted became reality, but these went beyond that by bringing up his deepest desires and making the emotional connection. He was ensconced in the dream and he was at the point where he didn’t want to wake up.
For the first time he felt the deep loneliness that he worked so hard to hide and even harder to ignore. Maybe it was time to make changes and do something…anything to make this go away. Pushing off the bed, he walked to the window looking up at the sky and the moon as if it held the answers for which he was searching.
“How do you let go of something that you never had but want more than anything? What I need isn’t possible.” Leaning his head against the window sill, he sighed. “Something has got to give, I’m not sleeping, and all I am doing is living in limbo. I can’t go on like this…I need more. Because right now all I want to do is fall asleep and pray I get lost in the dream, where I can have it all.”
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“Give him dreams you said. What the hell were we thinking?” She walked back and forth waving her arms in agitation.
“We agreed that this was a way to go, give him a taste of what he wanted and he’d make his move.” The older man took a drag off his cigarette.
“I know.” She sighed looking down and watching the slump of his shoulders as he walked back to his bed. “However all we seem to have managed is to make him depressed. Instead of a subtle push towards what he needs, we have nearly pushed him over the edge.”
A second presence joined them. “You know what will happen if he leaves. They will both be destroyed. We need to get this right. They have been on the edge for too long. They need this and we have to make it happen.”
NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS
He didn’t want to go to sleep but exhaustion was winning. Nothing had worked, hell he had even cut out caffeine hoping that would help and all he ended up with was one monster of a headache. But sleep took him to places that he didn’t want to go.
The dreams were only making him feel empty. Why were they coming now? And with such a vengeance that he felt he couldn’t breathe after waking from them? They were taunting and showing him a future that he couldn’t have. They felt so damn real that every time he woke up he expected a body in bed beside him and there wasn’t.
Somehow, the deepest desires that he had locked safely away had floated to the surface and he didn’t know how or if he could push them back down again. And if he couldn’t, how the hell was he supposed to deal with that?
He continued working, doing his damnedest to keep sleep at bay hoping that for one night he could find peace from the solitude and aloneness that he no longer wanted.
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“Well fuck-“
Kate turned to glare at Mike. “Hey…language.”
Mike tried to look innocent as he sighed. “Sorry. But Probie is still in some sort of denial. He ain’t doing anything but hiding in the damn basement.”
Shannon sighed. “We have made a mess of this so far. Clearly the dreams aren’t helping either of them.”
“Just makin’ them horny.” Mike smirked.
“Mike!” Kate glared at the older man.
“Well it’s true. Both of them are stubborn fools.”
Shannon started pacing. “There has to be something that we can do. This is not going at all as we had hoped. The dreams are pushing them further apart.” She looked down and watched the man that she had loved in his basement of solitude. He had isolated himself after his failed marriages and put up walls to keep anyone from getting close to him.
Then Tony came along and slowly he scaled the walls and became the one thing that Gibbs needed more than air. She could feel the desire rolling off him as he dreamed and the love as well. Make no mistake the two men needed one another.
Kate was watching Tony sleep and even then, she could see defeat written all over him. They had to get this right, there had to be something that they could do. If there were any two people that needed each other, it was Gibbs and Tony. If only their stubborn asses would admit it.
Mike looked at the two women. “Is it possible to get some sort of permission to go down there in person?”
Kate shrugged. “Maybe. Have to ask the big guy.”
Shannon shook her head. “I don’t know…I asked for a dispensation to get you here Mike.”
“Really?”
Shannon smiled. “Of course. You saved Gibbs. I may have been pissed that you let him go deal with Pedro- but I understand why you did that. He needed it to move forward even if it didn’t accomplish what he had hoped and came back to bite him. You had his six and I had yours.”
“But I suppose it never hurts to ask. If we get permission what would we do and how will that help?” Shannon looked at her two friends hoping that they could make this work.
Mike smirked. “Possession. It’s Halloween after all. We make them do and say things that they would normally zip up tight. Eventually their resolve will crack.”
Kate grinned. “That might just work. We could have some fun too…all for a good cause of course.”
“All right then. Let’s go make our case.”
NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS
Tony rubbed his hands down his face as he looked at the clock wishing the hands would move faster. The day was dragging on and showing no signs of ending. He was actually praying for a new case so that his brain would kick on line and make his adrenalin start pumping. He had been mainlining coffee and was frankly beginning to make Gibbs look like a lightweight. But it wasn’t helping at all.
McGee looked over at Tony in concern. “Tony. You all right? You don’t seem yourself.”
“Just tired McWorrywart. Not sleeping well…sure it will pass.” Standing up he tried to shoot McGee a grin but he didn‘t quite pull it off. “I’m going to get some more coffee, you want anything?”
Raising an eyebrow as he mentally counted how many cups of coffee Tony had already had, he shook his head. “Thanks though.” Burying his head back in the file in front of him, he didn’t hear Gibbs sneak up.
“Where’s DiNozzo?” Gibbs smirked as he watched his youngest agent nearly jump out of his skin.
“Boss…he went for coffee.”
“Again? Maybe I’m rubbing off on him.”
Wisely choosing not to answer McGee simply buried his head in the file in front of him and went back to work.
The bullpen was quiet when Tony returned to his desk and delved into his own case while watching as the minutes slowly ticked by. He missed the concerned looks that Gibbs sent his way.
Gibbs looked over at Tony for what felt like the hundredth time and wondered at the dark circles under his eyes as well as the uncharacteristic droop of his shoulders. He was concerned and frustrated that he had made it impossible to be anything other than a bastard where Tony was concerned.
His rules, his track record, and his own damn cowardice to change any of those things, he damn well deserved to be alone. Mentally sighing he looked at his watch relieved that he was going to be able to send Tim and Tony home for the night.
An odd feeling settled over him before he even had a chance to open his mouth. His fists clenched as he waited for the feeling to ease and he could gain control over the nausea that threatened to take over. Breathing slowly through his nose the feeling started to ebb.
“Head home guys. Get some rest and see you here bright and early.” He slammed his mouth closed wondering where the hell those words came from. He must be a hell of a lot more tired than he realized. Looking over at his two agents, he saw their stunned reactions.
“What?”
“Boss…you feeling ok?”
“Go home McGee before I find something else for you to do.”
Tim didn’t need to be told twice as he shut down and grabbed his gear, but not before sending Tony a concerned look. Tony merely gave him a small nod as he went about gathering his own gear slowly. When he and Gibbs were alone he walked over to the older man’s desk.
“Sure you’re ok Boss?” Tony’s concern bled through his words.
Looking up from his computer Gibbs smiled at Tony. “I’m fine. You look tired though, are you sleeping ok? Have you tried warm milk?”
Tony’s eyebrows shot up so quickly, he thought he might have given himself a facial cramp. Sputtering, he tried to get his brain on line. “Warm milk?”
Gibbs nodded jerkily. “It does wonders. You look so tired.” He took his hand and gently traced down Tony’s face.
The younger man was frozen by the unusual behavior. ‘He’s dying…that is all it can be.’ Gibbs was touching his face tenderly and saying weird shit. There was no other explanation. Tony struggled to find his voice.
“Not sleeping well.”
Gibbs finger was gently pointing at him. “You need to get some sleep Tony. You’re worrying me.”
“Worrying? You? About me?”
“Of course. You know what you mean to me.”
“Uh…Boss…” Tony’s face showed everything that was running through his mind. It was a cross between panic, worry and wistful.
Gibbs body seemed to straighten in posture and a slight grimace appeared on his face. “Go home DiNozzo. I’ll see you in the morning.” Gibbs stood and walked slightly unsteady to the men’s room leaving Tony standing there unsure of what just happened.
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Gibbs stood at the sink splashing cool water on his face. “What the fuck?”
Staring down from above Kate glared at her counter parts. “You both…I mean…Shannon….seriously? You suggested warm milk?”
Shannon looked sheepishly at Kate. “He looked so tired and he means so much to Gibbs.”
“I know and I get that. But we are trying to get them together and you were scaring Tony.” Kate sighed. “And Mike, you can’t just jump into a body when there is someone already in it.”
“But she was messing Probie up big time. She stroked DiNozzo’s face…there will be time for that after…in the bullpen…not something Probie would do.”
Shannon nodded. “I don’t think I can be in Gibbs. It is harder than I thought. I wanted to hold Tony as much as I felt Gibbs wanted to. Mike is right. I am a woman doing what I would want done and said to me. Mike you need to be in Gibbs and you need to tone down your own gruffness to do this.”
“I ain’t never courted a man. Hell, I ain’t ever courted a woman really. Kinda just let things happen.”
Kate shook her head. “We knew this was going to be tricky. Both men are pig headed and emotionally stunted.” She held up her hand as Shannon started to protest. “Gibbs wasn’t when he was married to you, but after you and Kelly died, he closed up and off. We need to snap their heads out of their asses and get them to see that they both want the same things.”
“I’ll take over Tony tomorrow.” Kate smirked as she thought of what Tony would say to that. “Let’s try letting some words slip. A bit of innuendo and then progress to slight flirty touches and go from there. We have to go faster than we’d like since we only have until midnight Halloween. Appears the big guy has a bit of a sense of humor.”
Mike grunted. “I believe that. I will try to be ‘delicate’ when I’m in Probie.” Seeing Kate’s smirk he glared. “I can do it. I’ll act like Probie in love and be subtle.”
“We have a plan.”
NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS
Tony woke up relieved that he hadn’t had any dreams. Running his hands through hair, he took a deep breath. What the hell was up with Gibbs yesterday? That moment in the bullpen…he touched him. Whom was he kidding? Regardless of the reason, he liked it…but it didn’t mean what he wanted it to.
Sitting up in the bed, he felt dizzy and a little discombobulated. Taking a moment to get his bearings, he waited to see if the feeling would settle. Attributing it to finally getting some sleep after nearly a week, he stood and headed for the shower.
Standing in front of the mirror, he gasped and his hands rose to cover his eyes of their own volition. He made his way to the shower blindly turning on the water before climbing in, uncovered his eyes to grab his soap, and managed to wash in a quick and clinical way.
He felt strange, as if he wasn’t in complete control of his body. He quickly showered and barely touching himself where normally he would have jacked off to a Gibbs fantasy. Getting dressed he looked in the mirror almost hoping to see a reason for his odd behavior. Hell, he was almost hoping for spots or something that would make sense, but there was nothing other than his apparent aversion to his own body.
Kate grimaced. Next time, if there was one, she would definitely look before she leapt.
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Gibbs was at his desk when Tony walked in…no that wasn’t quite right... sauntered in with a very sexy demeanor. What the hell? At least he looked more rested than he had. He shook his head to stop the flow of thoughts; he needed to get a grip. Clutching his cup of coffee, his stomach cramped up and he took a few deep breaths to work through the discomfort and was thankful when it passed.
He didn’t know what was happening - he never felt ill, and now…he had an urge for a cigarette. Forgetting where he was for a moment, Gibbs slammed his hand on his desk in order to gain control. Tony looked at him concerned.
Raising his eyebrow was enough to send Tony back to work, but his mouth apparently had other ideas. “DiNozzo, wanna grab some lunch later?”
Tony grinned. “Love to Boss.” Tony couldn’t seem to stop himself from agreeing, it was like his mouth, hell his whole body wasn’t his. And Gibbs…he really needed to look at the man’s house and see if there were pods. It was nearing Halloween after all, perhaps they were being invaded.
He couldn’t deny that he was looking forward to it, even if he did have some trepidation over the reasons. He looked back at his Boss who was sitting strangely in his chair, giving him his almost trademark smirk…but something was off.
Mike saw an opportunity and pounced hoping that Kate would follow through. “Good…maybe dinner too.”
McGee walked in and stopped as he heard the exchange unsure what altered dimension he had walked in to. He didn’t know if it was safe to enter the bullpen, the last thing he wanted to do was face both men’s ire. Then again, if these two men finally saw what the whole of NCIS, or near enough to it, had seen and believed for years, it was about damn time.
As long as he had known them, they had danced around and denied their attraction to one another. Denial was their friend and it was about damn time the tables turned. Still he didn’t want to interrupt whatever was going on, they were acting strangely enough. It wasn’t something he could put his finger on, but something was most assuredly off kilter. Tim shrugged; maybe this is what lack of denial looked like.
Tony looked at Gibbs and giggled…What? Tony definitely giggled. Tim wasn’t sure whether to walk in or run away as fast as he could. But he manned up and walked into the sight of the two men.
“Good morning, Boss, Tony.”
Gibbs gave his morning grunt as he took a swig of his coffee.
“Good morning, Tim.” Tony grinned at the younger man.
Tim froze at his name rolling off Tony’s lips no longer able to ignore the strangeness. “Are you ok Tony?”
“Yes. Why? Do I have something on my face?”
“You called me Tim.”
Kate cringed realizing her mistake. “Just thought I’d keep you on your toes, Probster” giving a trademark DiNozzo grin.
Tim just narrowed his eyes and sat down. “If you say so.”
The morning passed quietly; all three men worked on cold cases. There were looks between Gibbs and Tony which Tim studiously ignored hoping that the new weirdness would wear off soon.
Tony stood up and walked towards Gibbs desk. “Can I get you some coffee Boss?”
Gibbs smirked as he looked up at Tony and would swear he was batting his eyelashes. And since when did he notice how long DiNozzo’s lashes were?
“I wouldn’t turn down coffee…or anything else you might offer.” ‘What the fuck did he just say?’ Didn’t matter…the look on Tony’s face was perfect. Maybe he was dreaming…but if he was, he loved it. Tony was receptive and looking at him the way he always hoped he would.
“Might need to discuss this at lunch, Jethro. But for now…coffee it is.” ‘Jethro? He never called the boss Jethro. What the fucking hell was going on with him?’
Gibbs smiled as Tony walked towards the elevator his eyes appreciating the view. Mike rolled his neck and figured whatever floated Probie’s boat. If he were into men, he had to admit that DiNozzo was a fine one to choose. He just hoped their plan worked because even as he felt Probie fighting against him, he also felt the spark of hope rise, the one that wanted this more than he would ever admit. There were other emotions that he hadn’t been able to get to, but if they were what Shannon believed, they had to get this right.
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Tony walked outside and towards the coffee cart. Suddenly Kate was overwhelmed by the emotions that were coursing through her. They weren’t hers and yet she felt them all; everything that Tony dreamed about, wanted; his deepest secrets. She wanted nothing more than to be real at this very moment and take away all of his doubts and insecurities that he hid so well.
And then she felt the love…he loved Gibbs more than they had imagined. This had to work…this was one thing that Tony wanted and he more than deserved it. Gibbs too. This was a great deal bigger than she had first thought, but they could do this.
Tony moved through the line on auto pilot trying to process the weirdness that was his day so far. He had a date...a DATE for lunch with Gibbs. And there was flirting…it was Halloween but Gibbs would never perpetrate a joke such as this. Still, believing this was real was something he was having a hard time trusting.
He wanted to…but there were doubts he needed to settle before that happened. Right now, he was just going to try and play it cool, regardless of how he was acting. Tony rubbed his hands down his face. It was surreal. Reaching the counter he made quick work of ordering and headed back to the bullpen. However this played out, he was just going to go with it.
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Gibbs looked at his watch and smiled. It was lunchtime; they didn’t have time for much, but it was a start.
“Tony, you ready to get out of here?”
“Sure Boss.” Scurrying…yes...he was scurrying …what the hell was he doing? He had NEVER scurried before…to get beside Gibbs. Tim smirked at the both of them and told them to have a good time as he headed down to Abby deciding that at the moment that was the sanest place to be. And that was down right scary.
Tony and Gibbs were silent but smiling as the elevator took them down. Each man lost in his own thoughts and excited and resigned to the strangeness that was definitely surrounding them both. The elevator door opened and startled them both. Standing back, Gibbs let Tony exit the elevator first and was surprised to find his hand patting the younger man’s ass.
Tony turned and grinned. “Jethro, you getting frisky already?” ‘Gibbs just patted my ass…MY ASS!’
“Maybe? Is that a problem?” ‘What the hell was my hand doing on DiNozzo’s ass? Damn it was firm…supple…STOP!’
“Nope. Not at all, but I warn you…I don’t put out on the first date.” His green eyes sparkled with mirth.
Gibbs suddenly found himself standing directly in front of Tony a hairsbreadth between them without remembering moving. The air between them shifted as the nearness caused the walls between them to come down even more. They were unable to re-erect them, their need for one another was clear and they were going to have to figure this out. Whatever was causing their actions had opened their Pandora’s boxes and there was no closing them.
“I can guarantee you one thing Tony. That if we go on another date I want far more than a one night stand.” The words were coming out of his mouth but he didn’t know how. “Time to stop dancing around each other and instead dance together.”
“What?” Tony looked confused.
Shannon’s voice giggled in Mike’s ear. “You’re doing fine. That one reference just missed its mark.”
“I ain’t no good at this Shannon. Probie has always been a functional mute, I get why DiNozzo calls him that, even if it is with affection.”
“True, but when he does talk, his words are gold. Try again Mike…channel your inner Probie” Smirking, she floated away.
Squaring his shoulders, he muttered. “Channel my inner Probie she says.”
“I don’t want to play games Tony. Let’s enjoy lunch and then“, taking a deep breath, “Come to my house for dinner and we can talk. Need to…not gonna be easy. Words and I…well hell you know that…” Gibbs sighed. “Please.”
Tony knew that agreeing would change everything and was hesitant. There was so much at stake…everything. But despite that, he heard the words spill out of his mouth.
“I’ll be there. This isn’t a game to me.” Jesus Christ what was wrong with his mouth? Was it possible for it to be taken over by lust addled aliens because he sure as hell couldn’t come up with another explanation? Maybe he should have Abby run some tests.
Then he was blinded by Gibbs smile and all that flew out the window. Everyone always commented on his smile…but when Gibbs smiled, it was brilliant.
“Good.” Almost shyly, the older man added. “I’ve wanted this for a long time.”
‘I’ve died. That is the only explanation I have for the way I am acting. And this is where I rest. I get to have what I want more than anything and all I had to do was die. What the hell, I may as well go with it. But that didn’t stop his heart from beating faster when Tony whispered.
“Me too Jethro. But I’m scared.”
“We’ll talk tonight…about everything.” Holding his breath or rather he would if he were still breathing he waited hoping that Tony understood what he meant.
“Tonight.” They ate lunch in very comfortable silence each thinking about what dinner meant and it was only one thing…everything.
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Tony walked up to Gibbs door unsure how he had gotten there. Either way he was ready for whatever happened. Worse case scenario he could leave NCIS and start fresh. He didn’t want to think about that, but it was a solution if needed. Still, if this wasn’t a dream or some alternate reality it could be everything that he had ever dared dream.
He debated about knocking, but decided that if this was meant to be a step in the right direction he was going to do this right. As he raised his hand to knock, the door opened and he was met by the bluest eyes he had ever seen.
They seemed bluer, full of life somehow and they were mesmerizing.
“Come in Tony.” Opening the door all the way to make room, “I set things up outside, it is such a beautiful night. I thought we might enjoy it.”
“Sound great.” Tony smiled a shy smile. “The moon is incredible.”
“Head out to the deck, I’ll grab a couple of beers.” Mike looked at Kate and whispered. “I am telling you right now I ain’t kissing DiNozzo.”
Smiling she looked at the two men. “I don’t think they’ll need us too much longer Mike.”
“Good. I need a damn cigarette.”
Tony sat in one of the chairs that was on the deck and looked up at the sky. The stars were out and the moon was full, almost as it had been ordered just for the two of them. It was perfect. He could argue the reasons that this was a bad idea just as much as he could admit that if he didn’t take this moment in time and run with it he would regret it. He didn’t want to live that way anymore and right now he didn’t care how they ended up here tonight the fact was that they were here and it was his choice to stay.
Smiling at ease for the first time in longer than he could remember he knew that it was going to be ok.
Gibbs watched Tony from the doorway, the play of emotions on his face and in the end the smile that said it all. The moonlight shone down on Tony framing him, making him seem ethereal. And damn it he was his. There was no reason to hold back, Shannon would be pissed if she saw how he had closed himself off and stopped living. And right now he wanted to live and that life included Tony. He was done denying and dancing away from the one thing that he wanted.
Tony turned as he heard Jethro step on the deck, their eyes met and everything was clear. There was no need for words right now, they could be spoken later, and they would be. But this was their beginning, under the stars and the moon that came out just for this moment in time.
Tony stood and they met in the center of the deck lost in each other’s gaze. Every reason that they had denied this connection, bond or whatever it was called between them was forgotten. The years that they spent apart in another’s arms were inconsequential because it was all merely a dress rehearsal for the real thing.
The next moment they were in front of each other and all that mattered were their lips meeting. They would always remember the way it felt when their lips met, the jolt that flowed between them cementing the bond that was always there.
“We did good.” Mike smirked lighting his much needed cigarette.
“We did.” Kate smiled as she looked at Shannon. “You ok?”
“I am. He deserves this. As does Tony.”
They watched for a moment longer until Tony softly moaned and the three hastened out. Shannon merely grinned as she looked at the other two and they disappeared into the night.
Author : gibbstonysbabe
Beta : amy_0127
Pairings : Gibbs/ Tony
Word Count : 4785
Genere : NCIS
Rating : MA
Disclaimer : I don't own them...damn shame really.
Written for halloween_tibbs .
Summary : Desires hidden in the dark are causing them to drift further apart. One ready to flee as the other hides in his basement. Three unexpected allies push them into the moonlight, shining the light on everything they had hidden for so long. Will they open up to each other and take the risk?
Sitting up in the bed struggling to breathe, he slowly woke up and realized that he was alone in his bed and once again, it was only a dream. Sighing, he rubbed his hands down his face hoping his body would calm down. This was the fifth night in a row he was plagued with dreams; but they weren’t normal, they felt real.
He felt that he was a part of the dream, feeling everything that was happening. There had never been dreams like this before and he needed them to stop. Turning his head, he looked out his window at the moon and felt more alone than he could remember.
The problem was that he wanted those dreams to be real, wanted everything that he dreamt about to be real. That was not going to happen. It had been ten years and there was not one sign that it was even in the cards.
Some dreams he could get lost in and enjoy the moment where everything he wanted became reality, but these went beyond that by bringing up his deepest desires and making the emotional connection. He was ensconced in the dream and he was at the point where he didn’t want to wake up.
For the first time he felt the deep loneliness that he worked so hard to hide and even harder to ignore. Maybe it was time to make changes and do something…anything to make this go away. Pushing off the bed, he walked to the window looking up at the sky and the moon as if it held the answers for which he was searching.
“How do you let go of something that you never had but want more than anything? What I need isn’t possible.” Leaning his head against the window sill, he sighed. “Something has got to give, I’m not sleeping, and all I am doing is living in limbo. I can’t go on like this…I need more. Because right now all I want to do is fall asleep and pray I get lost in the dream, where I can have it all.”
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“Give him dreams you said. What the hell were we thinking?” She walked back and forth waving her arms in agitation.
“We agreed that this was a way to go, give him a taste of what he wanted and he’d make his move.” The older man took a drag off his cigarette.
“I know.” She sighed looking down and watching the slump of his shoulders as he walked back to his bed. “However all we seem to have managed is to make him depressed. Instead of a subtle push towards what he needs, we have nearly pushed him over the edge.”
A second presence joined them. “You know what will happen if he leaves. They will both be destroyed. We need to get this right. They have been on the edge for too long. They need this and we have to make it happen.”
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He didn’t want to go to sleep but exhaustion was winning. Nothing had worked, hell he had even cut out caffeine hoping that would help and all he ended up with was one monster of a headache. But sleep took him to places that he didn’t want to go.
The dreams were only making him feel empty. Why were they coming now? And with such a vengeance that he felt he couldn’t breathe after waking from them? They were taunting and showing him a future that he couldn’t have. They felt so damn real that every time he woke up he expected a body in bed beside him and there wasn’t.
Somehow, the deepest desires that he had locked safely away had floated to the surface and he didn’t know how or if he could push them back down again. And if he couldn’t, how the hell was he supposed to deal with that?
He continued working, doing his damnedest to keep sleep at bay hoping that for one night he could find peace from the solitude and aloneness that he no longer wanted.
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“Well fuck-“
Kate turned to glare at Mike. “Hey…language.”
Mike tried to look innocent as he sighed. “Sorry. But Probie is still in some sort of denial. He ain’t doing anything but hiding in the damn basement.”
Shannon sighed. “We have made a mess of this so far. Clearly the dreams aren’t helping either of them.”
“Just makin’ them horny.” Mike smirked.
“Mike!” Kate glared at the older man.
“Well it’s true. Both of them are stubborn fools.”
Shannon started pacing. “There has to be something that we can do. This is not going at all as we had hoped. The dreams are pushing them further apart.” She looked down and watched the man that she had loved in his basement of solitude. He had isolated himself after his failed marriages and put up walls to keep anyone from getting close to him.
Then Tony came along and slowly he scaled the walls and became the one thing that Gibbs needed more than air. She could feel the desire rolling off him as he dreamed and the love as well. Make no mistake the two men needed one another.
Kate was watching Tony sleep and even then, she could see defeat written all over him. They had to get this right, there had to be something that they could do. If there were any two people that needed each other, it was Gibbs and Tony. If only their stubborn asses would admit it.
Mike looked at the two women. “Is it possible to get some sort of permission to go down there in person?”
Kate shrugged. “Maybe. Have to ask the big guy.”
Shannon shook her head. “I don’t know…I asked for a dispensation to get you here Mike.”
“Really?”
Shannon smiled. “Of course. You saved Gibbs. I may have been pissed that you let him go deal with Pedro- but I understand why you did that. He needed it to move forward even if it didn’t accomplish what he had hoped and came back to bite him. You had his six and I had yours.”
“But I suppose it never hurts to ask. If we get permission what would we do and how will that help?” Shannon looked at her two friends hoping that they could make this work.
Mike smirked. “Possession. It’s Halloween after all. We make them do and say things that they would normally zip up tight. Eventually their resolve will crack.”
Kate grinned. “That might just work. We could have some fun too…all for a good cause of course.”
“All right then. Let’s go make our case.”
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Tony rubbed his hands down his face as he looked at the clock wishing the hands would move faster. The day was dragging on and showing no signs of ending. He was actually praying for a new case so that his brain would kick on line and make his adrenalin start pumping. He had been mainlining coffee and was frankly beginning to make Gibbs look like a lightweight. But it wasn’t helping at all.
McGee looked over at Tony in concern. “Tony. You all right? You don’t seem yourself.”
“Just tired McWorrywart. Not sleeping well…sure it will pass.” Standing up he tried to shoot McGee a grin but he didn‘t quite pull it off. “I’m going to get some more coffee, you want anything?”
Raising an eyebrow as he mentally counted how many cups of coffee Tony had already had, he shook his head. “Thanks though.” Burying his head back in the file in front of him, he didn’t hear Gibbs sneak up.
“Where’s DiNozzo?” Gibbs smirked as he watched his youngest agent nearly jump out of his skin.
“Boss…he went for coffee.”
“Again? Maybe I’m rubbing off on him.”
Wisely choosing not to answer McGee simply buried his head in the file in front of him and went back to work.
The bullpen was quiet when Tony returned to his desk and delved into his own case while watching as the minutes slowly ticked by. He missed the concerned looks that Gibbs sent his way.
Gibbs looked over at Tony for what felt like the hundredth time and wondered at the dark circles under his eyes as well as the uncharacteristic droop of his shoulders. He was concerned and frustrated that he had made it impossible to be anything other than a bastard where Tony was concerned.
His rules, his track record, and his own damn cowardice to change any of those things, he damn well deserved to be alone. Mentally sighing he looked at his watch relieved that he was going to be able to send Tim and Tony home for the night.
An odd feeling settled over him before he even had a chance to open his mouth. His fists clenched as he waited for the feeling to ease and he could gain control over the nausea that threatened to take over. Breathing slowly through his nose the feeling started to ebb.
“Head home guys. Get some rest and see you here bright and early.” He slammed his mouth closed wondering where the hell those words came from. He must be a hell of a lot more tired than he realized. Looking over at his two agents, he saw their stunned reactions.
“What?”
“Boss…you feeling ok?”
“Go home McGee before I find something else for you to do.”
Tim didn’t need to be told twice as he shut down and grabbed his gear, but not before sending Tony a concerned look. Tony merely gave him a small nod as he went about gathering his own gear slowly. When he and Gibbs were alone he walked over to the older man’s desk.
“Sure you’re ok Boss?” Tony’s concern bled through his words.
Looking up from his computer Gibbs smiled at Tony. “I’m fine. You look tired though, are you sleeping ok? Have you tried warm milk?”
Tony’s eyebrows shot up so quickly, he thought he might have given himself a facial cramp. Sputtering, he tried to get his brain on line. “Warm milk?”
Gibbs nodded jerkily. “It does wonders. You look so tired.” He took his hand and gently traced down Tony’s face.
The younger man was frozen by the unusual behavior. ‘He’s dying…that is all it can be.’ Gibbs was touching his face tenderly and saying weird shit. There was no other explanation. Tony struggled to find his voice.
“Not sleeping well.”
Gibbs finger was gently pointing at him. “You need to get some sleep Tony. You’re worrying me.”
“Worrying? You? About me?”
“Of course. You know what you mean to me.”
“Uh…Boss…” Tony’s face showed everything that was running through his mind. It was a cross between panic, worry and wistful.
Gibbs body seemed to straighten in posture and a slight grimace appeared on his face. “Go home DiNozzo. I’ll see you in the morning.” Gibbs stood and walked slightly unsteady to the men’s room leaving Tony standing there unsure of what just happened.
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Gibbs stood at the sink splashing cool water on his face. “What the fuck?”
Staring down from above Kate glared at her counter parts. “You both…I mean…Shannon….seriously? You suggested warm milk?”
Shannon looked sheepishly at Kate. “He looked so tired and he means so much to Gibbs.”
“I know and I get that. But we are trying to get them together and you were scaring Tony.” Kate sighed. “And Mike, you can’t just jump into a body when there is someone already in it.”
“But she was messing Probie up big time. She stroked DiNozzo’s face…there will be time for that after…in the bullpen…not something Probie would do.”
Shannon nodded. “I don’t think I can be in Gibbs. It is harder than I thought. I wanted to hold Tony as much as I felt Gibbs wanted to. Mike is right. I am a woman doing what I would want done and said to me. Mike you need to be in Gibbs and you need to tone down your own gruffness to do this.”
“I ain’t never courted a man. Hell, I ain’t ever courted a woman really. Kinda just let things happen.”
Kate shook her head. “We knew this was going to be tricky. Both men are pig headed and emotionally stunted.” She held up her hand as Shannon started to protest. “Gibbs wasn’t when he was married to you, but after you and Kelly died, he closed up and off. We need to snap their heads out of their asses and get them to see that they both want the same things.”
“I’ll take over Tony tomorrow.” Kate smirked as she thought of what Tony would say to that. “Let’s try letting some words slip. A bit of innuendo and then progress to slight flirty touches and go from there. We have to go faster than we’d like since we only have until midnight Halloween. Appears the big guy has a bit of a sense of humor.”
Mike grunted. “I believe that. I will try to be ‘delicate’ when I’m in Probie.” Seeing Kate’s smirk he glared. “I can do it. I’ll act like Probie in love and be subtle.”
“We have a plan.”
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Tony woke up relieved that he hadn’t had any dreams. Running his hands through hair, he took a deep breath. What the hell was up with Gibbs yesterday? That moment in the bullpen…he touched him. Whom was he kidding? Regardless of the reason, he liked it…but it didn’t mean what he wanted it to.
Sitting up in the bed, he felt dizzy and a little discombobulated. Taking a moment to get his bearings, he waited to see if the feeling would settle. Attributing it to finally getting some sleep after nearly a week, he stood and headed for the shower.
Standing in front of the mirror, he gasped and his hands rose to cover his eyes of their own volition. He made his way to the shower blindly turning on the water before climbing in, uncovered his eyes to grab his soap, and managed to wash in a quick and clinical way.
He felt strange, as if he wasn’t in complete control of his body. He quickly showered and barely touching himself where normally he would have jacked off to a Gibbs fantasy. Getting dressed he looked in the mirror almost hoping to see a reason for his odd behavior. Hell, he was almost hoping for spots or something that would make sense, but there was nothing other than his apparent aversion to his own body.
Kate grimaced. Next time, if there was one, she would definitely look before she leapt.
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Gibbs was at his desk when Tony walked in…no that wasn’t quite right... sauntered in with a very sexy demeanor. What the hell? At least he looked more rested than he had. He shook his head to stop the flow of thoughts; he needed to get a grip. Clutching his cup of coffee, his stomach cramped up and he took a few deep breaths to work through the discomfort and was thankful when it passed.
He didn’t know what was happening - he never felt ill, and now…he had an urge for a cigarette. Forgetting where he was for a moment, Gibbs slammed his hand on his desk in order to gain control. Tony looked at him concerned.
Raising his eyebrow was enough to send Tony back to work, but his mouth apparently had other ideas. “DiNozzo, wanna grab some lunch later?”
Tony grinned. “Love to Boss.” Tony couldn’t seem to stop himself from agreeing, it was like his mouth, hell his whole body wasn’t his. And Gibbs…he really needed to look at the man’s house and see if there were pods. It was nearing Halloween after all, perhaps they were being invaded.
He couldn’t deny that he was looking forward to it, even if he did have some trepidation over the reasons. He looked back at his Boss who was sitting strangely in his chair, giving him his almost trademark smirk…but something was off.
Mike saw an opportunity and pounced hoping that Kate would follow through. “Good…maybe dinner too.”
McGee walked in and stopped as he heard the exchange unsure what altered dimension he had walked in to. He didn’t know if it was safe to enter the bullpen, the last thing he wanted to do was face both men’s ire. Then again, if these two men finally saw what the whole of NCIS, or near enough to it, had seen and believed for years, it was about damn time.
As long as he had known them, they had danced around and denied their attraction to one another. Denial was their friend and it was about damn time the tables turned. Still he didn’t want to interrupt whatever was going on, they were acting strangely enough. It wasn’t something he could put his finger on, but something was most assuredly off kilter. Tim shrugged; maybe this is what lack of denial looked like.
Tony looked at Gibbs and giggled…What? Tony definitely giggled. Tim wasn’t sure whether to walk in or run away as fast as he could. But he manned up and walked into the sight of the two men.
“Good morning, Boss, Tony.”
Gibbs gave his morning grunt as he took a swig of his coffee.
“Good morning, Tim.” Tony grinned at the younger man.
Tim froze at his name rolling off Tony’s lips no longer able to ignore the strangeness. “Are you ok Tony?”
“Yes. Why? Do I have something on my face?”
“You called me Tim.”
Kate cringed realizing her mistake. “Just thought I’d keep you on your toes, Probster” giving a trademark DiNozzo grin.
Tim just narrowed his eyes and sat down. “If you say so.”
The morning passed quietly; all three men worked on cold cases. There were looks between Gibbs and Tony which Tim studiously ignored hoping that the new weirdness would wear off soon.
Tony stood up and walked towards Gibbs desk. “Can I get you some coffee Boss?”
Gibbs smirked as he looked up at Tony and would swear he was batting his eyelashes. And since when did he notice how long DiNozzo’s lashes were?
“I wouldn’t turn down coffee…or anything else you might offer.” ‘What the fuck did he just say?’ Didn’t matter…the look on Tony’s face was perfect. Maybe he was dreaming…but if he was, he loved it. Tony was receptive and looking at him the way he always hoped he would.
“Might need to discuss this at lunch, Jethro. But for now…coffee it is.” ‘Jethro? He never called the boss Jethro. What the fucking hell was going on with him?’
Gibbs smiled as Tony walked towards the elevator his eyes appreciating the view. Mike rolled his neck and figured whatever floated Probie’s boat. If he were into men, he had to admit that DiNozzo was a fine one to choose. He just hoped their plan worked because even as he felt Probie fighting against him, he also felt the spark of hope rise, the one that wanted this more than he would ever admit. There were other emotions that he hadn’t been able to get to, but if they were what Shannon believed, they had to get this right.
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Tony walked outside and towards the coffee cart. Suddenly Kate was overwhelmed by the emotions that were coursing through her. They weren’t hers and yet she felt them all; everything that Tony dreamed about, wanted; his deepest secrets. She wanted nothing more than to be real at this very moment and take away all of his doubts and insecurities that he hid so well.
And then she felt the love…he loved Gibbs more than they had imagined. This had to work…this was one thing that Tony wanted and he more than deserved it. Gibbs too. This was a great deal bigger than she had first thought, but they could do this.
Tony moved through the line on auto pilot trying to process the weirdness that was his day so far. He had a date...a DATE for lunch with Gibbs. And there was flirting…it was Halloween but Gibbs would never perpetrate a joke such as this. Still, believing this was real was something he was having a hard time trusting.
He wanted to…but there were doubts he needed to settle before that happened. Right now, he was just going to try and play it cool, regardless of how he was acting. Tony rubbed his hands down his face. It was surreal. Reaching the counter he made quick work of ordering and headed back to the bullpen. However this played out, he was just going to go with it.
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Gibbs looked at his watch and smiled. It was lunchtime; they didn’t have time for much, but it was a start.
“Tony, you ready to get out of here?”
“Sure Boss.” Scurrying…yes...he was scurrying …what the hell was he doing? He had NEVER scurried before…to get beside Gibbs. Tim smirked at the both of them and told them to have a good time as he headed down to Abby deciding that at the moment that was the sanest place to be. And that was down right scary.
Tony and Gibbs were silent but smiling as the elevator took them down. Each man lost in his own thoughts and excited and resigned to the strangeness that was definitely surrounding them both. The elevator door opened and startled them both. Standing back, Gibbs let Tony exit the elevator first and was surprised to find his hand patting the younger man’s ass.
Tony turned and grinned. “Jethro, you getting frisky already?” ‘Gibbs just patted my ass…MY ASS!’
“Maybe? Is that a problem?” ‘What the hell was my hand doing on DiNozzo’s ass? Damn it was firm…supple…STOP!’
“Nope. Not at all, but I warn you…I don’t put out on the first date.” His green eyes sparkled with mirth.
Gibbs suddenly found himself standing directly in front of Tony a hairsbreadth between them without remembering moving. The air between them shifted as the nearness caused the walls between them to come down even more. They were unable to re-erect them, their need for one another was clear and they were going to have to figure this out. Whatever was causing their actions had opened their Pandora’s boxes and there was no closing them.
“I can guarantee you one thing Tony. That if we go on another date I want far more than a one night stand.” The words were coming out of his mouth but he didn’t know how. “Time to stop dancing around each other and instead dance together.”
“What?” Tony looked confused.
Shannon’s voice giggled in Mike’s ear. “You’re doing fine. That one reference just missed its mark.”
“I ain’t no good at this Shannon. Probie has always been a functional mute, I get why DiNozzo calls him that, even if it is with affection.”
“True, but when he does talk, his words are gold. Try again Mike…channel your inner Probie” Smirking, she floated away.
Squaring his shoulders, he muttered. “Channel my inner Probie she says.”
“I don’t want to play games Tony. Let’s enjoy lunch and then“, taking a deep breath, “Come to my house for dinner and we can talk. Need to…not gonna be easy. Words and I…well hell you know that…” Gibbs sighed. “Please.”
Tony knew that agreeing would change everything and was hesitant. There was so much at stake…everything. But despite that, he heard the words spill out of his mouth.
“I’ll be there. This isn’t a game to me.” Jesus Christ what was wrong with his mouth? Was it possible for it to be taken over by lust addled aliens because he sure as hell couldn’t come up with another explanation? Maybe he should have Abby run some tests.
Then he was blinded by Gibbs smile and all that flew out the window. Everyone always commented on his smile…but when Gibbs smiled, it was brilliant.
“Good.” Almost shyly, the older man added. “I’ve wanted this for a long time.”
‘I’ve died. That is the only explanation I have for the way I am acting. And this is where I rest. I get to have what I want more than anything and all I had to do was die. What the hell, I may as well go with it. But that didn’t stop his heart from beating faster when Tony whispered.
“Me too Jethro. But I’m scared.”
“We’ll talk tonight…about everything.” Holding his breath or rather he would if he were still breathing he waited hoping that Tony understood what he meant.
“Tonight.” They ate lunch in very comfortable silence each thinking about what dinner meant and it was only one thing…everything.
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Tony walked up to Gibbs door unsure how he had gotten there. Either way he was ready for whatever happened. Worse case scenario he could leave NCIS and start fresh. He didn’t want to think about that, but it was a solution if needed. Still, if this wasn’t a dream or some alternate reality it could be everything that he had ever dared dream.
He debated about knocking, but decided that if this was meant to be a step in the right direction he was going to do this right. As he raised his hand to knock, the door opened and he was met by the bluest eyes he had ever seen.
They seemed bluer, full of life somehow and they were mesmerizing.
“Come in Tony.” Opening the door all the way to make room, “I set things up outside, it is such a beautiful night. I thought we might enjoy it.”
“Sound great.” Tony smiled a shy smile. “The moon is incredible.”
“Head out to the deck, I’ll grab a couple of beers.” Mike looked at Kate and whispered. “I am telling you right now I ain’t kissing DiNozzo.”
Smiling she looked at the two men. “I don’t think they’ll need us too much longer Mike.”
“Good. I need a damn cigarette.”
Tony sat in one of the chairs that was on the deck and looked up at the sky. The stars were out and the moon was full, almost as it had been ordered just for the two of them. It was perfect. He could argue the reasons that this was a bad idea just as much as he could admit that if he didn’t take this moment in time and run with it he would regret it. He didn’t want to live that way anymore and right now he didn’t care how they ended up here tonight the fact was that they were here and it was his choice to stay.
Smiling at ease for the first time in longer than he could remember he knew that it was going to be ok.
Gibbs watched Tony from the doorway, the play of emotions on his face and in the end the smile that said it all. The moonlight shone down on Tony framing him, making him seem ethereal. And damn it he was his. There was no reason to hold back, Shannon would be pissed if she saw how he had closed himself off and stopped living. And right now he wanted to live and that life included Tony. He was done denying and dancing away from the one thing that he wanted.
Tony turned as he heard Jethro step on the deck, their eyes met and everything was clear. There was no need for words right now, they could be spoken later, and they would be. But this was their beginning, under the stars and the moon that came out just for this moment in time.
Tony stood and they met in the center of the deck lost in each other’s gaze. Every reason that they had denied this connection, bond or whatever it was called between them was forgotten. The years that they spent apart in another’s arms were inconsequential because it was all merely a dress rehearsal for the real thing.
The next moment they were in front of each other and all that mattered were their lips meeting. They would always remember the way it felt when their lips met, the jolt that flowed between them cementing the bond that was always there.
“We did good.” Mike smirked lighting his much needed cigarette.
“We did.” Kate smiled as she looked at Shannon. “You ok?”
“I am. He deserves this. As does Tony.”
They watched for a moment longer until Tony softly moaned and the three hastened out. Shannon merely grinned as she looked at the other two and they disappeared into the night.