My mother asked me, she said baby what for?
I feel like im so angry lately. I think im gonna go back to therapy.
My family is impossible sometimes. i guess theyre all old people now though. And old people are suppose to be wise, but I truly believe that old people can be the most ignorant of us all because they get stuck in their ways and wont open their mind to anything. Old people get bitter and cheap and crazy. Theyre rude. They cant drive and they never remember things for how they really were. There are very few old people that I like. Im so angry, not only for myself though. I feel like I am angry at people for things other people should be angry at them for. I dont know how to get rid of it either. Things that have nothing to do with me break my heart. Watching a movie with people losing eachother makes me so depressed. I'm scared to death constantly of losing brian. I panic when he is gone too long. When we're not together for a few hours we miss eachother so much. I know other people dont find it normal, but i dont find it normal or alright what other people do,how they act in a relationship. Yesterday he bought me a huge bouquet of purple and blue daisy's. And tuesday was the annivarsary of his dad's death and I remember everything like it was 5 minutes ago. If he wasnt gone we wouldnt be living together or almost married. But it doesnt take away everything I saw him feel. i just wish I was the brunt of all my dad's judgments. he's fine and proud and good when it comes to me, but when it comes to both brian and i,he feels the need to make his comments. When u love someone i think it hurts worse when you hear people say bad things about them, rather than about yourself. I could be with someone who had a great job, didnt smoke pot,and was the stereotypical great guy, but he would never love me or treat me as well as brian does. Today was the first time ever that I seriously considered moving far away, out of state somewhere. I guess it would be a year or two, but I'm going to seriously think about it. I just dont want to feel obligated to spend the holidays or feel hurt by things that everyone says. I envy all my cousins that live a good distance away.When you live far away, you dont feel pressured to include yourself and get along with your family. Only your immediate family,which is work enough as it is. I wish we could get to the point where its just my sisters and our kids and husbands celebrating the holidays together because thats how it ends up eventually. and even though my mom gets to me. At least she respects my decisions and supports me.
My family is impossible sometimes. i guess theyre all old people now though. And old people are suppose to be wise, but I truly believe that old people can be the most ignorant of us all because they get stuck in their ways and wont open their mind to anything. Old people get bitter and cheap and crazy. Theyre rude. They cant drive and they never remember things for how they really were. There are very few old people that I like. Im so angry, not only for myself though. I feel like I am angry at people for things other people should be angry at them for. I dont know how to get rid of it either. Things that have nothing to do with me break my heart. Watching a movie with people losing eachother makes me so depressed. I'm scared to death constantly of losing brian. I panic when he is gone too long. When we're not together for a few hours we miss eachother so much. I know other people dont find it normal, but i dont find it normal or alright what other people do,how they act in a relationship. Yesterday he bought me a huge bouquet of purple and blue daisy's. And tuesday was the annivarsary of his dad's death and I remember everything like it was 5 minutes ago. If he wasnt gone we wouldnt be living together or almost married. But it doesnt take away everything I saw him feel. i just wish I was the brunt of all my dad's judgments. he's fine and proud and good when it comes to me, but when it comes to both brian and i,he feels the need to make his comments. When u love someone i think it hurts worse when you hear people say bad things about them, rather than about yourself. I could be with someone who had a great job, didnt smoke pot,and was the stereotypical great guy, but he would never love me or treat me as well as brian does. Today was the first time ever that I seriously considered moving far away, out of state somewhere. I guess it would be a year or two, but I'm going to seriously think about it. I just dont want to feel obligated to spend the holidays or feel hurt by things that everyone says. I envy all my cousins that live a good distance away.When you live far away, you dont feel pressured to include yourself and get along with your family. Only your immediate family,which is work enough as it is. I wish we could get to the point where its just my sisters and our kids and husbands celebrating the holidays together because thats how it ends up eventually. and even though my mom gets to me. At least she respects my decisions and supports me.