(no subject)
well ppl keep telling me to quit doing drungs but fuck them i mean if you had the life im living now youd do drugs to and if you did them befor ther is no way your going to stop now i got cought with 29 hits of x-ta-c bak in aug and im paying the price for it now and i have to stop useing as a part of it but i dont want to fuck this and fuck you becuse if i smoke some trill err now and agian i dont give a shit but if you were me youd to
i have a stong faith in god now i belive if i give my berdons to him he'll take care of them for me so far i think hes done a good enogh job still have no girl, and i still know that im capeable of loving so much just no one to give it to i cant give my love to my mom my dad my granparents aunts uncles girlfriend or even friends so i hold it all in side thats why if you see me like petting a puppy or playing with a kittie you see what i mean you can just give all you can to a puppy or a kitty and the'll love you bak for it
i dont know what i think anymore i dont know how to think anymore my whole life has been ruffly the same thing and i dont mean like my teanage life i mean my life and i think thats where i get my fear of change from but who know that could just be a nother thing ive made up about myself to increase my since of self hatered but in realaity i dont hate my self just the things i cant change but if i cant change them then shouldnt i be able hate them and thrr for be able to hate myself see this is what im talking about i have more then one personallitly anyone who spends a good deal of time with me knows this i dont mean like its a dr. jekly mr. hyde thing i mean like i dont ever...i mean im just .... so undesicive about everything thats not because i dont care its that i care to much about both things or multipul things and i sit and fight with myself in my head making so much since on both sides that i dont know what i want anymore so then deciding on whatever happens
scared, scared that all my "friends" are laphing behind my bak never knowing if im the next jon winter so i try to be... what everyone wants me to be its been that way since forever i cant have ppl not like me and know about it or it freaks me the fuck out and i try to change whatever it is that makes them not like me and when i do things to piss pppl off i notice but do i ever say anything no i jsut try to hope they didnt notice or that they'll just shrug it off wich is what useally happens...i think i just wish ppl would be more like me and just have love for all think that what ever is fuck up with someone is funny not bad its all jokes you knwo what i mean like life really can be one big joke if you think that way
i have a stong faith in god now i belive if i give my berdons to him he'll take care of them for me so far i think hes done a good enogh job still have no girl, and i still know that im capeable of loving so much just no one to give it to i cant give my love to my mom my dad my granparents aunts uncles girlfriend or even friends so i hold it all in side thats why if you see me like petting a puppy or playing with a kittie you see what i mean you can just give all you can to a puppy or a kitty and the'll love you bak for it
i dont know what i think anymore i dont know how to think anymore my whole life has been ruffly the same thing and i dont mean like my teanage life i mean my life and i think thats where i get my fear of change from but who know that could just be a nother thing ive made up about myself to increase my since of self hatered but in realaity i dont hate my self just the things i cant change but if i cant change them then shouldnt i be able hate them and thrr for be able to hate myself see this is what im talking about i have more then one personallitly anyone who spends a good deal of time with me knows this i dont mean like its a dr. jekly mr. hyde thing i mean like i dont ever...i mean im just .... so undesicive about everything thats not because i dont care its that i care to much about both things or multipul things and i sit and fight with myself in my head making so much since on both sides that i dont know what i want anymore so then deciding on whatever happens
scared, scared that all my "friends" are laphing behind my bak never knowing if im the next jon winter so i try to be... what everyone wants me to be its been that way since forever i cant have ppl not like me and know about it or it freaks me the fuck out and i try to change whatever it is that makes them not like me and when i do things to piss pppl off i notice but do i ever say anything no i jsut try to hope they didnt notice or that they'll just shrug it off wich is what useally happens...i think i just wish ppl would be more like me and just have love for all think that what ever is fuck up with someone is funny not bad its all jokes you knwo what i mean like life really can be one big joke if you think that way