procrastination - my best friend
I have decided that procrastination and sloth are my best friends of late. I come home from taking one of the ill to the doctor's and sit down at the computer to play mahjong or sit on the porch with Sam while telling myself, I will start on the myriad of things that need to be done in just a few minutes. I have even tried to bargain with myself - you know the bargains where you give yourself 1/2 hour to relax and then you have to do one load of laundry or type one page of a report. Well, I should probably be hired by the government, because bargaining with the devil would be easier than some of the deals I have made and broken with myself of late. Think what kind of deals I could get for us with foreign powers. We might end up owning whole new expanses of land. I seem to excel in making and breaking deals. However, I am becoming increasingly clever at negotiating with myself, now if I could just get paid for this exciting new ability. Meanwhile, the laundry piles up and the house is slowly disappearing under the clutter.
Maybe I am not offering myself a good enough incentive or reward???
Anyone got some dancing boys that I could offer myself as a part of a deal to get my bedroom cleaned?? Maybe a night on the town for doing the laundry?? How about a new car for doing the dishes?
Oh well, maybe I should resort to threats like my Mother used to use - you know things like "if you don't clean your room you will be grounded!" Guess that wouldn't work, since going back to bed would be a reward and not going to doctor's would be a treat for sure.
While my house may be a total disaster and I may soon have to go naked for lack of clean clothes, I am becoming proficient at Mahjong and can rock on the porch with the best of the old folks.
It really is distressing that I can't find a way to motivate myself to do anything unless it is forced upon me by someone else. I seem to have this constant exhaustion and wake with a headache - I truly think I could lay in bed for days if I were given the chance. This is scary for me - I have never been so lacking in motivation. I have always been one to need things to do and needed my house to be at least in order, if slightly cluttered - now just thinking about it makes me want to give up. Apathy has never been acceptable for me and I am frustrated with myself - I hate being such a whining sniveling wimp!!! Yet, even my disgust with myself won't motivate me. Normally I can just give myself a stern talking to and get on with what needs to be done. If you read in the paper or see on the news that this crazy naked lady was found pushing things out of her house with a shovel, don't worry it will mean that I finally got my self together after I ran out of clothes!!
I am seeing most interesting things in my long rests on the porch. I discovered what has been causing my side view mirror on the car to get dirty. A young Cardinal thinks there is a rival bird in the mirror and spends an hour or more every day repeatedly attacking it. He must have the sorest beak in town because he sure hits that mirror hard. Bet he thinks that is one mean bird that he keeps fighting. Makes me wonder if his parents are sitting up in the trees watching him and saying to themselves, "I knew he wasn't paying attention when we told him about those glass birds. Look at the silly thing - no self respecting female will want to have anything to do with him, if he doesn't stop knocking himself around." Sam just watches the bird with an indulgent eye - guess he figures it isn't worth it to chase the bird off as it will just be back in a few minutes to try again.
My great niece and her mother called to wish me Happy Mother's day. On the phone she very proudly told me that she signed her name all by herself. I have thought about that - remember what it felt like to be able to write your name by yourself or the pride you felt the first time you tied your shoes by yourself. It was almost indescribable - that feeling of accomplishment and pride in yourself. It is kind of sad that as we grow up we place such high expectations on ourselves that the pride and excitement of accomplishing a goal is not even close to the ecstatic feeling that we had as children.
Well, having spent nearly an hour procrastinating by writing this instead of the minutes for Eastern Star, I might as well just finish listening to the Eagles "Hotel California" cd and go to bed.
Maybe I am not offering myself a good enough incentive or reward???
Anyone got some dancing boys that I could offer myself as a part of a deal to get my bedroom cleaned?? Maybe a night on the town for doing the laundry?? How about a new car for doing the dishes?
Oh well, maybe I should resort to threats like my Mother used to use - you know things like "if you don't clean your room you will be grounded!" Guess that wouldn't work, since going back to bed would be a reward and not going to doctor's would be a treat for sure.
While my house may be a total disaster and I may soon have to go naked for lack of clean clothes, I am becoming proficient at Mahjong and can rock on the porch with the best of the old folks.
It really is distressing that I can't find a way to motivate myself to do anything unless it is forced upon me by someone else. I seem to have this constant exhaustion and wake with a headache - I truly think I could lay in bed for days if I were given the chance. This is scary for me - I have never been so lacking in motivation. I have always been one to need things to do and needed my house to be at least in order, if slightly cluttered - now just thinking about it makes me want to give up. Apathy has never been acceptable for me and I am frustrated with myself - I hate being such a whining sniveling wimp!!! Yet, even my disgust with myself won't motivate me. Normally I can just give myself a stern talking to and get on with what needs to be done. If you read in the paper or see on the news that this crazy naked lady was found pushing things out of her house with a shovel, don't worry it will mean that I finally got my self together after I ran out of clothes!!
I am seeing most interesting things in my long rests on the porch. I discovered what has been causing my side view mirror on the car to get dirty. A young Cardinal thinks there is a rival bird in the mirror and spends an hour or more every day repeatedly attacking it. He must have the sorest beak in town because he sure hits that mirror hard. Bet he thinks that is one mean bird that he keeps fighting. Makes me wonder if his parents are sitting up in the trees watching him and saying to themselves, "I knew he wasn't paying attention when we told him about those glass birds. Look at the silly thing - no self respecting female will want to have anything to do with him, if he doesn't stop knocking himself around." Sam just watches the bird with an indulgent eye - guess he figures it isn't worth it to chase the bird off as it will just be back in a few minutes to try again.
My great niece and her mother called to wish me Happy Mother's day. On the phone she very proudly told me that she signed her name all by herself. I have thought about that - remember what it felt like to be able to write your name by yourself or the pride you felt the first time you tied your shoes by yourself. It was almost indescribable - that feeling of accomplishment and pride in yourself. It is kind of sad that as we grow up we place such high expectations on ourselves that the pride and excitement of accomplishing a goal is not even close to the ecstatic feeling that we had as children.
Well, having spent nearly an hour procrastinating by writing this instead of the minutes for Eastern Star, I might as well just finish listening to the Eagles "Hotel California" cd and go to bed.