contemplation on blessings
This morning at church, one of the ladies stood up and asked for a couple of men to help her with moving some heavy thing to her home. I immediately thought "What nerve!" Of course I meant that she was being in my view presumptuous and had a lot of gall to just stand up there and try to make people feel obligated to help poor pitiful her. Oddly enough, the sermon was on counting your blessings and asking for help when you need it. We were reminded to watch for others who needed our help in the tasks of daily life. When I sat quietly this afternoon and contemplated both the sermon, my reaction to this lady, and my recent struggles with some things; it was as if someone had cleared a heavy veil from my eyes.
Why did I react so strongly to this woman's request? Because she truly did have nerve (ie courage) that I did not. She recognized her limits and trusted the people enough to ask for help knowing that it would be given with love and not pity. I don't have that kind of courage or trust. Since Steve died, I have tried so hard to keep people from thinking of me as helpless or pitiful, that I have done without things or put a hardship on myself because I don't have enough faith in my self to think that my friends would never begrudge me any help that I needed. fear of being dependent on anyone has always been a problem with me and is much worse since Steve died.
So, now I am counting my blessings - all the friends who would do most anything I asked of them and who would stand by me in good times and bad - they are many and I am so grateful for them.
Why did I react so strongly to this woman's request? Because she truly did have nerve (ie courage) that I did not. She recognized her limits and trusted the people enough to ask for help knowing that it would be given with love and not pity. I don't have that kind of courage or trust. Since Steve died, I have tried so hard to keep people from thinking of me as helpless or pitiful, that I have done without things or put a hardship on myself because I don't have enough faith in my self to think that my friends would never begrudge me any help that I needed. fear of being dependent on anyone has always been a problem with me and is much worse since Steve died.
So, now I am counting my blessings - all the friends who would do most anything I asked of them and who would stand by me in good times and bad - they are many and I am so grateful for them.