life
I haven't been posting here in a while. I really should combine all my journals into one.
Life has taken so many twists and turns for me. I have endured pain beyond what I thought I could handle. Someone who was once my world has done everything to shatter what I have left.
I went to chemo this afternoon. I have been going there for such a long time ( Read more... )
*Nods* There have been times where I wasn't sure what exactly I was doing with my life, and I thought I knew the signs for directions, but then realized I might be clinging to the wrong thing. Hence, why I am where I am now. :)
How are things going with you?
Started my new job here in Oklahoma the day after you replied and I've been a busy bee since then!
Summary of my journal:
Aug 2006: the roomies and I left Arizona and moved to Oklahoma after an invitation from Domon's parents to stay with them, since Arizona was killing us.
Oct 2006: I moved back to NY to help my mom recover from my grandfather passing away the previous year, and help with home improvements.
Early 2007: Began to realize home improvements weren't getting anywhere, had to get back on anti-depressant medication and went on a roller coaster ride to find the right meds.
Summer 2007: Visited my roomies in OK, realized that we're just meant to be together as a family (I'm the "little sister" neither of them ever had. :D ), and also realized I simply can't live with my blood relatives because they drive me to medication.
Fall 2007: More meds/depression mayhem, began plans to move back to Oklahoma when the roomies' lease was up.
Early 2008: moving plans mayhem, partially thrown off by apartment complex needing to move up the date roomies switched to the new, 3-bedroom apartment. I visited a week too late to help them with moving, but it was just as well because the next month I had plenty to do on my own end (packing everything on my own, and my family hampered rather than helped)
March 2008: Reunited with the roomies, waited three weeks for my belongings to arrive from NY, then spent a month trying to get a job, at last succeeding with a nationwide clothing/home decor company that I'm feeling very positive about. =)
Inbetween all that, I've been my SciFi geeky self with the usual fanfic, fanart, and misc -- for Transformers. I still have my cat, Molly, with me and last summer I adopted a female guinea pig, Chiridee. :)
Right now I'm very happy to have a job again because I don't like not working. :) I'm homesick for NY, but this is a better place for me emotionally and mentally.
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I hope you aren't near where all those tornado's have been hitting out there! I have a friend from GP that was too close for comfort. Rich has family near Tulsa, I think, and we are hoping to take a trip to TX and OK in maybe a year. They have been bugging him to come out for a visit for a while now. Are you anywhere near there?
I'm glad to hear you are doing well. Changing situations in our lives for the better takes guts. :) Knowing what's right for us is so much better than staying in a situation that takes medication to tolerate.
I fought being put on antidepressants for years when the doctors wanted to put me on them after my diagnosis. In the couple of years before my husband left I gave in and I too was switched from one to another. I gave up and refused them. After he left I had no choice. I had never felt pain like that and I hid from the world. I knew I needed something. I went from Zoloft to Cymbalta and it seems to be doing ok. I have been talking to my doctor about taking me off, but she insists I wait until the divorce is over.
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I'd be happy to see you if you happen to come this way. :)
I'm glad to hear you are doing well. Changing situations in our lives for the better takes guts. :)
Thank you. Yeah, trying to address the moving company choice was an adventure in itself. There were many times where I almost backed out, thinking of the type of security and opportunities I had in NY. My eventual college decision is up in the air here, but it's something I'll figure out later. The fact that I don't have a degree didn't phase anyone at my job, so I'm relieved and hopeful.
Meds: I'm on Cymbalta right now. I figured out that I was suffering first from anxiety which was then causing the depression, and once I told my doctor about that he gave me the Cymbalta -- after a disastrous return to Paxil CR that ended in an all-out nervous breakdown at work after dealing with a difficult customer. :P When I first got back on meds it was Effexor XR but I soon realized it was the cause of some major lethargy. :P So far the Cymbalta has had the least side effects (I wish I could get that "loss of appetite" effect rather than "weight gain" for once. :P ) I'm hoping it will eventually get to where I won't need it anymore like the first time I moved out and was able to get off the Paxil, although I read warnings that Cymbalta is tougher to get off of -- anytime I forget to take it I end up with recurring spells of vertigo. I'm also ready to face the reality that I might be on this medication for the rest of my life. Whatever keeps me functioning, y'know? : ) Good luck with yours for however much longer you're on it. *hugs*
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(I wish I could getthat "loss of appetite" effect rather than "weight gain" for once. :P )
yeah... I have the same problem. I never get the loss of appetite. I look nothing like I did nine years ago. :p
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If you don't happen to come OKC way, the roomies and I are setting our sights on accompanying Domon's parents on (what has turned out to be) their annual vacation to Disneyworld. They invited Domon's brother along this year so I really hope everything works out so that we can do it! =D
If oly it weren't so difficult to loose that gained weight, too. I'm trying to eat healthier but my usual nemesis, exercise, is of course the necessary one to get the weight off. :P Another thing I like about my new job: I'm constantly walking around. Hopefully a few months of this will help. Then at home I need to kick my own butt to do some sit ups. :P
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