random thoughts...
apparently it's a general impression that i'm a bitch when others first meet me :/
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i'm realizing that i won't have my own place as of tuesday. i mean i've practically lived with will. but i still had my own place. i practically lived here with todd since the roommate drama of 02/06. but now i have my own key, am paying rent, and i gave this address today to my father as my own. which is a whole other thing... telling my parents and more importantly my grandfather that i, at the ripe old age of 20 am moving in with my boyfriend whom i've known for little more than a year. they had no reaction. it wasnt a sit down discussion or anything with any of them i just sort of slipped it onto the conversation with each of them. did they even notice? will my father, religious nazi extraordinaire realize it sometime next week and swoop down to save me my from my sure fire damnation? doubtful. and comical to think of. did i want a reaction? i mean i've always had these fears: telling THEM that i had a bf for the first time, telling THEM i am pregnant out of wedlock, telling THEM i'm engaged, etc. and i've always imagined these big reactions or disapointment. and i guess this kinda fell into that in my head. i guess in a way i'm relieved. i'm not that little kid anymore. how is it that they know it but i missed that memo. i always imagined there would be a point, a line, something that showed me that i am an ....... adult. it feels like i missed it. when i was a kid i wouldve given just about anything to know what i would look like or be like or feel like when i was older. i find i still do that.. but when exactly did i get older?
i'm not hesitant in the least to move in with todd. he is a truely incredible person. ( i was about to type boy, and that isn't right, i don't want to say guy and man just doesnt seem right. i dont see us as men and women yet ARGH) --> lol. this is a good thing for me. he is a good thing for me.
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there are so many things i want to say.... why does it feel like i will always hold back.
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everytime i try to think about us and our last real conversation everything gets jumbled. i just can't get things right enough to say or post, or anything really.
i wish it werent so hard. and maybe thats saying something because it really shouldn't be. we shouldnt need to have something in common still, or some underlying thing between us. i wish the fact that i just plain like who you are was enough. maybe it is, and you just don't like me back. wow i sound like a grammar school kid with a crush. anyway - just know that i miss you. alot.
my list of friends seems to be dwindling
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i'm realizing that i won't have my own place as of tuesday. i mean i've practically lived with will. but i still had my own place. i practically lived here with todd since the roommate drama of 02/06. but now i have my own key, am paying rent, and i gave this address today to my father as my own. which is a whole other thing... telling my parents and more importantly my grandfather that i, at the ripe old age of 20 am moving in with my boyfriend whom i've known for little more than a year. they had no reaction. it wasnt a sit down discussion or anything with any of them i just sort of slipped it onto the conversation with each of them. did they even notice? will my father, religious nazi extraordinaire realize it sometime next week and swoop down to save me my from my sure fire damnation? doubtful. and comical to think of. did i want a reaction? i mean i've always had these fears: telling THEM that i had a bf for the first time, telling THEM i am pregnant out of wedlock, telling THEM i'm engaged, etc. and i've always imagined these big reactions or disapointment. and i guess this kinda fell into that in my head. i guess in a way i'm relieved. i'm not that little kid anymore. how is it that they know it but i missed that memo. i always imagined there would be a point, a line, something that showed me that i am an ....... adult. it feels like i missed it. when i was a kid i wouldve given just about anything to know what i would look like or be like or feel like when i was older. i find i still do that.. but when exactly did i get older?
i'm not hesitant in the least to move in with todd. he is a truely incredible person. ( i was about to type boy, and that isn't right, i don't want to say guy and man just doesnt seem right. i dont see us as men and women yet ARGH) --> lol. this is a good thing for me. he is a good thing for me.
-------------------
there are so many things i want to say.... why does it feel like i will always hold back.
-------------------
everytime i try to think about us and our last real conversation everything gets jumbled. i just can't get things right enough to say or post, or anything really.
i wish it werent so hard. and maybe thats saying something because it really shouldn't be. we shouldnt need to have something in common still, or some underlying thing between us. i wish the fact that i just plain like who you are was enough. maybe it is, and you just don't like me back. wow i sound like a grammar school kid with a crush. anyway - just know that i miss you. alot.
my list of friends seems to be dwindling