ChanZaFestiMas
My apartment smells like Christmas Tree. Let me guide you through yesterday's festivities.
First, joke and laugh with the cool employees at Uncle Paul's Produce and find the perfect tree with only one unwrapping. Pay, then make an ass of yourselves in the middle of Hawthorne Blvd. as you walk the tree five blocks to your apartment. Let stand for several hours to acclimatize and complete some essential Christmas shopping.Setting up a tree properly requires three people-a Top, a Bottom, and a Straight Boy. Naturally, Megan took the top, I took the bottom, and our friend Max played the Straight Boy.
And how could I not be the Bottom properly without sticking my ass up in the air?As with anything new to the apartment, it must be properly initiated. That poor tree had no idea what it was in for!
Once it's up and properly screwed [in], the group must pose with the new addition to the home.Next step? Meticulously arrange the tasteful white Christmas lights and snap a shot of a very happy Megan hugging her sapin de Noël.
Megan insisted on trying out a popcorn string, but we soon learned that it's a lot harder threading popcorn than the movies make it look.How do they do this? I've been at it an hour and this is all I got?
Shortly thereafter, Justin arrived in time to help hang the ornaments and act properly silly. Wine was poured and good music played.We enjoyed rifling through the box of childhood ornaments that I had acquired from my mother.
"Let's pretend the bell is mistletoe!"The obligatory couple shot.
And the obligatory non-couple shot.Not sure why I like this one so much. But I think it's super-cute.
With the ornaments in place, Megan added the final touch with our special tree-topper.All finished!
He made it to the top!If things weren't silly before, then they sure start getting silly here!
We took the idea of a family Christmas portrait and ran with it...Including costumes and props...
And it just gets dysfunctional from here...Meet Bible-Thumping Dad, Tragic Tranny Mom, Studious Stuffy Son, and Delinquent Daughter.
Trying so hard to be the perfect family.Trying REALLY hard.
But it comes to a point......when you just can't suppress the natural any longer and bad things start to happen.
We also learned last night that Megan has a fetish for nasty black chest hair......and that Justin secretly wishes he had a hipster mustache.
First, joke and laugh with the cool employees at Uncle Paul's Produce and find the perfect tree with only one unwrapping. Pay, then make an ass of yourselves in the middle of Hawthorne Blvd. as you walk the tree five blocks to your apartment. Let stand for several hours to acclimatize and complete some essential Christmas shopping.Setting up a tree properly requires three people-a Top, a Bottom, and a Straight Boy. Naturally, Megan took the top, I took the bottom, and our friend Max played the Straight Boy.
And how could I not be the Bottom properly without sticking my ass up in the air?As with anything new to the apartment, it must be properly initiated. That poor tree had no idea what it was in for!
Once it's up and properly screwed [in], the group must pose with the new addition to the home.Next step? Meticulously arrange the tasteful white Christmas lights and snap a shot of a very happy Megan hugging her sapin de Noël.
Megan insisted on trying out a popcorn string, but we soon learned that it's a lot harder threading popcorn than the movies make it look.How do they do this? I've been at it an hour and this is all I got?
Shortly thereafter, Justin arrived in time to help hang the ornaments and act properly silly. Wine was poured and good music played.We enjoyed rifling through the box of childhood ornaments that I had acquired from my mother.
"Let's pretend the bell is mistletoe!"The obligatory couple shot.
And the obligatory non-couple shot.Not sure why I like this one so much. But I think it's super-cute.
With the ornaments in place, Megan added the final touch with our special tree-topper.All finished!
He made it to the top!If things weren't silly before, then they sure start getting silly here!
We took the idea of a family Christmas portrait and ran with it...Including costumes and props...
And it just gets dysfunctional from here...Meet Bible-Thumping Dad, Tragic Tranny Mom, Studious Stuffy Son, and Delinquent Daughter.
Trying so hard to be the perfect family.Trying REALLY hard.
But it comes to a point......when you just can't suppress the natural any longer and bad things start to happen.
We also learned last night that Megan has a fetish for nasty black chest hair......and that Justin secretly wishes he had a hipster mustache.