(no subject)
This cute little black boy who would have been about 18 months old made me smile, and laugh, and remember that life is still pretty great on the bus today. I just can't help grinning at little kids, they just seem to find me so amusing when i smile at them, because they always giggle and laugh back at that age. Maybe it's my disfigured face or something :p Anyway, this little boy was naughtier and cuter than most of his age... The bus ride back from uni is a long one, and he kept poking his head around his pram to grin and chuckle at me. Man, i could have just taken him home. I love little kids like that. Look at me, i've gone soppy..
Apparently when i was little, i was like that. Apparently up until the age of 5, i just grinned and laughed at everything. Extended family and family friends nicknamed me Grinner and Smiley and things like that. Giggling Gurt.. I remember that, because my mum reminds me of it at least once a month, and has done ever since i was in about grade 3 at school. "What happened to you? All my friends can't get over how sullen you are these days... You used to be such a happy child all the time" Yeah... because rubbing that in is going to make me brighten up, how silly of me. Sometimes i think it's all about appearances with her. Anyway, that's like a lifetime ago, literally. And even when i was 4, 5... I remember not being happy. I just hope that kid from the bus doesnt grow up to be a sad-ass loser like i am... crying into a stupid loser journal because i have no real friends i can share this with. Blah
I'm going to a house-warming party in melbourne tomorrow night... It's evie's. Melbourne holds bad memories of last week - but i hope just being with my crazy friends will distract me... take my mind off the things that are fucking with my emotions right now. Praying that i don't get depressed drunk again. Thank god i got alcohol for my bday...cos i can't afford to buy drinks right now. If it weren't for amelia driving me down i wouldn't even be able to afford the crap ass train.
Have been listening to Our Lady Peace's "Are You Sad?" for hours straight. It's soothing me... His voice. Man i need it now.
So glad i have no classes on fridays... I need to sleep tomorrow, i was at uni from 8am til 6pm today. I may as well be dead. Although at least one of today's lectures has given me something to strive for. Two things, actually. One, is the prospect of going on to be a nursing practitioner, after i've done my nurses training.. a NP is the closest thing to being a doctor but not being one, yknow? And it's got the caring side to it. Not the rude-ass doctor shite. The second is that nurses are highly sought after in the USA... apparently it's about the only proffession that they accept foreigners into, because they just need them so badly. And i wanna go to america.... or england. Or anywhere, but here.
I only hope that that HOPE can sustain me. Whoa, long entry... how i've missed them.
Apparently when i was little, i was like that. Apparently up until the age of 5, i just grinned and laughed at everything. Extended family and family friends nicknamed me Grinner and Smiley and things like that. Giggling Gurt.. I remember that, because my mum reminds me of it at least once a month, and has done ever since i was in about grade 3 at school. "What happened to you? All my friends can't get over how sullen you are these days... You used to be such a happy child all the time" Yeah... because rubbing that in is going to make me brighten up, how silly of me. Sometimes i think it's all about appearances with her. Anyway, that's like a lifetime ago, literally. And even when i was 4, 5... I remember not being happy. I just hope that kid from the bus doesnt grow up to be a sad-ass loser like i am... crying into a stupid loser journal because i have no real friends i can share this with. Blah
I'm going to a house-warming party in melbourne tomorrow night... It's evie's. Melbourne holds bad memories of last week - but i hope just being with my crazy friends will distract me... take my mind off the things that are fucking with my emotions right now. Praying that i don't get depressed drunk again. Thank god i got alcohol for my bday...cos i can't afford to buy drinks right now. If it weren't for amelia driving me down i wouldn't even be able to afford the crap ass train.
Have been listening to Our Lady Peace's "Are You Sad?" for hours straight. It's soothing me... His voice. Man i need it now.
So glad i have no classes on fridays... I need to sleep tomorrow, i was at uni from 8am til 6pm today. I may as well be dead. Although at least one of today's lectures has given me something to strive for. Two things, actually. One, is the prospect of going on to be a nursing practitioner, after i've done my nurses training.. a NP is the closest thing to being a doctor but not being one, yknow? And it's got the caring side to it. Not the rude-ass doctor shite. The second is that nurses are highly sought after in the USA... apparently it's about the only proffession that they accept foreigners into, because they just need them so badly. And i wanna go to america.... or england. Or anywhere, but here.
I only hope that that HOPE can sustain me. Whoa, long entry... how i've missed them.