Warning: Emo Post alert!
You have been warned! >o
Actually, I'm not gonna be really emo about it, but here it goes.
As some people know, I own(well family) Welsh Corgis, always have. Tasha, Caleb, and Tudor. I don't remember the exact dates, but Tudor died in April this year, I was kinda bumed about it, but she wasn't exactly my favorite(She liked biting me>.>) My dog, Caleb died in his sleep in June, I was pretty sad, I even stayed in bed a couple days, because I didn't feel like getting up, sort of that feeling where if you stay in bed you can pretend it's a dream I guess. Caleb was my best friend from the time I was 5, up until this year, he hated -every- other male. When my friends came over he'd growl at them, even tried to bite Adam a couple times, he put up with my dad, but didn't like him, yet he'd lay around on the floor with me for hours, or sleep next to me, and not mind if I accidentally nudged him in my sleep. I guess I sorta moved on, though I keep a picture of him on my desk..well in it.
This morning though, Tasha, the youngest, and probably "sickest" dog we own had to be put down. She..well there was alot wrong with her, her legs were alittle crooked, half her throat was paralyzed, and she walked alittle sideways. But out of the three she was the most energetic, loved running around, and what not. For the last year, she's had pretty bad cancer, infact, I think the vet said 1/5th of her body weight was a growth in her abdomen. But until lastnight (Where I'd snuck downstairs to have a midnight snack, and shared some icrecream with her on the kitchen floor) she was full of life, even going as far as stealing MY ICECREAM >O right off my spoon. Thismorning after I'd fallen asleep, and slept in, my parents said she couldn't stand up, barely move, and was having trouble breathing. They took her to the vet, and there wasn't anything they could do.
I'm sure it sounds alittle bad, since I do know friends read this, but this year, essentially my two best friends(And a third friend that liked kicking me in the junk so to speak) have died, and that, paired along with barely finishing school (technically I shouldn't have passed, but I guess they missed the fact I failed one of the classes) have sorta made me lose hope in my future.
I mean, I'm 21, average in pretty much every way, Not thin/not fat, Not in shape, but not out of it either, I've been single forever, except a short period that was just enough to show me what I would be missing later. I haven't really accomplished anything on this planet yet, and truth be told, I don't see anything in the future. I'd feel this way alot at night before, but going downstairs, and sitting on the back deck with my dogs, looking up at the stars, always seemed to re-kindle alittle of the spark. Tonight, looking up at the sparkling sky really did nothing, but make me feel alittle smaller, as my hand lightly scratched the invisible dog's ear sitting beside me.
I really don't know where I'm supposed to go from here...
Actually, I'm not gonna be really emo about it, but here it goes.
As some people know, I own(well family) Welsh Corgis, always have. Tasha, Caleb, and Tudor. I don't remember the exact dates, but Tudor died in April this year, I was kinda bumed about it, but she wasn't exactly my favorite(She liked biting me>.>) My dog, Caleb died in his sleep in June, I was pretty sad, I even stayed in bed a couple days, because I didn't feel like getting up, sort of that feeling where if you stay in bed you can pretend it's a dream I guess. Caleb was my best friend from the time I was 5, up until this year, he hated -every- other male. When my friends came over he'd growl at them, even tried to bite Adam a couple times, he put up with my dad, but didn't like him, yet he'd lay around on the floor with me for hours, or sleep next to me, and not mind if I accidentally nudged him in my sleep. I guess I sorta moved on, though I keep a picture of him on my desk..well in it.
This morning though, Tasha, the youngest, and probably "sickest" dog we own had to be put down. She..well there was alot wrong with her, her legs were alittle crooked, half her throat was paralyzed, and she walked alittle sideways. But out of the three she was the most energetic, loved running around, and what not. For the last year, she's had pretty bad cancer, infact, I think the vet said 1/5th of her body weight was a growth in her abdomen. But until lastnight (Where I'd snuck downstairs to have a midnight snack, and shared some icrecream with her on the kitchen floor) she was full of life, even going as far as stealing MY ICECREAM >O right off my spoon. Thismorning after I'd fallen asleep, and slept in, my parents said she couldn't stand up, barely move, and was having trouble breathing. They took her to the vet, and there wasn't anything they could do.
I'm sure it sounds alittle bad, since I do know friends read this, but this year, essentially my two best friends(And a third friend that liked kicking me in the junk so to speak) have died, and that, paired along with barely finishing school (technically I shouldn't have passed, but I guess they missed the fact I failed one of the classes) have sorta made me lose hope in my future.
I mean, I'm 21, average in pretty much every way, Not thin/not fat, Not in shape, but not out of it either, I've been single forever, except a short period that was just enough to show me what I would be missing later. I haven't really accomplished anything on this planet yet, and truth be told, I don't see anything in the future. I'd feel this way alot at night before, but going downstairs, and sitting on the back deck with my dogs, looking up at the stars, always seemed to re-kindle alittle of the spark. Tonight, looking up at the sparkling sky really did nothing, but make me feel alittle smaller, as my hand lightly scratched the invisible dog's ear sitting beside me.
I really don't know where I'm supposed to go from here...