Why can't I just let it die?
Why can't I? I mean, why have hope, even a smidgen?
Why can't I just completely give up. It let me be free of this rather hellish place, this hellish life.
But I hope, the foolish hope, of too many dreamer's fancies.
And so I dream of loving and being loved among other things to foolsih to mention.
I saw a girls rant on a blog about "honest" men, *snort* goddamn, I've never TOO my knowledge at least, LIED, to a woman about my feelings, never.
I'll admit there have been times when two people I cared about came into my life and I had to choose one over the other, but I wasn't DISHONEST, I didn't try and have both. (That be even harder on me than just wanting one) but I've heard it from women I've known, girls I've known since I "dating" became something I even understood. From the women I worked with, to now.
"Honest men"--and yet, I don't know, can't say, I've known an honest woman--don't get me wrong, I'm not saying someone I know now isn't, or that ALL women are dishonest. But I've been engaged three times--and they ran off to, FUCK, other men. It wasn't just breaking up, yadda yadda months later I hear they're with someone else, NO explicitly they left for that purpose. And that's just the ones I've been engaged too.
So I hope for honesty. Upfrontness, no deception--its not just lying, or being lied to but honesty with self that's an issue. At least one of the women I loved had that issue, the issue of not being honest with herself.
I don't ecpect every relationship to workout or be perfect. I'm a realist romantic, I expect things to be what they are. But I'm tired of being the one hurt, because its always ME who was cheated on in my relationships, always me who got run off on.
I think in the end, the whole "nice" guy ethic is flawed. Why bother? Why care? Why treat people anyway other than gets you what you want, because in the end--that seems to be what they'll do to you.
Except. I can't do that, be that. I dream too much of superheroes--and one of the things my love of superheroes instilled (and the fairly standard Judeo Christian ethic they tend to represent) is that you treat people as you wish in return, you take a stand for what you believe in.
Sometimes I wish I didn't believe in anything.
But I do.
There are honest men, and honest women, but the problem isn't that they don't exist--its that they very often will not be the drop dead gorgeous models, or the wealthy jet setters and sports stars. Oh sure there are lovely people physically who are good, decent folks, but the trend, the tendency is for that money and fame, and power, and all that to change--to feed itself, to become self-serving.
I'm not pretty, or wealthy. I never will be.
I can't give up hoping that regardless of that I've enough to matter to someone. Someday.
Enough to give and share, and support with. Regadless of the other stuff.
Why can't I just completely give up. It let me be free of this rather hellish place, this hellish life.
But I hope, the foolish hope, of too many dreamer's fancies.
And so I dream of loving and being loved among other things to foolsih to mention.
I saw a girls rant on a blog about "honest" men, *snort* goddamn, I've never TOO my knowledge at least, LIED, to a woman about my feelings, never.
I'll admit there have been times when two people I cared about came into my life and I had to choose one over the other, but I wasn't DISHONEST, I didn't try and have both. (That be even harder on me than just wanting one) but I've heard it from women I've known, girls I've known since I "dating" became something I even understood. From the women I worked with, to now.
"Honest men"--and yet, I don't know, can't say, I've known an honest woman--don't get me wrong, I'm not saying someone I know now isn't, or that ALL women are dishonest. But I've been engaged three times--and they ran off to, FUCK, other men. It wasn't just breaking up, yadda yadda months later I hear they're with someone else, NO explicitly they left for that purpose. And that's just the ones I've been engaged too.
So I hope for honesty. Upfrontness, no deception--its not just lying, or being lied to but honesty with self that's an issue. At least one of the women I loved had that issue, the issue of not being honest with herself.
I don't ecpect every relationship to workout or be perfect. I'm a realist romantic, I expect things to be what they are. But I'm tired of being the one hurt, because its always ME who was cheated on in my relationships, always me who got run off on.
I think in the end, the whole "nice" guy ethic is flawed. Why bother? Why care? Why treat people anyway other than gets you what you want, because in the end--that seems to be what they'll do to you.
Except. I can't do that, be that. I dream too much of superheroes--and one of the things my love of superheroes instilled (and the fairly standard Judeo Christian ethic they tend to represent) is that you treat people as you wish in return, you take a stand for what you believe in.
Sometimes I wish I didn't believe in anything.
But I do.
There are honest men, and honest women, but the problem isn't that they don't exist--its that they very often will not be the drop dead gorgeous models, or the wealthy jet setters and sports stars. Oh sure there are lovely people physically who are good, decent folks, but the trend, the tendency is for that money and fame, and power, and all that to change--to feed itself, to become self-serving.
I'm not pretty, or wealthy. I never will be.
I can't give up hoping that regardless of that I've enough to matter to someone. Someday.
Enough to give and share, and support with. Regadless of the other stuff.