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TOP JOKE IN CANADA :
When N.A.S.A first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, scientists spent a decade and
$12 billion dollars developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, up side down, under water, on almost any surface, including glass, and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C. The Russians used a pencil.
TOP JOKE IN US :
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip on to the green when he sees a long funeral procession the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing ,takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man replies : " Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
TOP JOKE IN UK :
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says :" that's the ugliest baby I have ever seen . Ugh! " The woman, fuming, goes to the rear of the bus and sits down. She says to a man next to her : " The driver just insulted me! " The man says : " You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you. "
TOP JOKE IN BELGIUM :
Why ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.
TOP JOKE IN GERMANY :
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found , frown and say : "That's not it" and put it down again. This went for sometime, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested.
The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said : "That's it."
TOP JOKE IN AUSTRALIA :
A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out and I had this corpse-like look on my face ! what's wrong with me doctor ?" The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says : " Well, I can't tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."
AND FINALLY :
Two New Jersey hunters are in the wood when one falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head .The other whips out his mobile and calls the emergency services. He gasps : "My friend is dead! What can I do ?" The operator, in a smoothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help you. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence , than a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line." OK, now what?"
When N.A.S.A first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, scientists spent a decade and
$12 billion dollars developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, up side down, under water, on almost any surface, including glass, and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C. The Russians used a pencil.
TOP JOKE IN US :
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip on to the green when he sees a long funeral procession the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing ,takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man replies : " Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
TOP JOKE IN UK :
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says :" that's the ugliest baby I have ever seen . Ugh! " The woman, fuming, goes to the rear of the bus and sits down. She says to a man next to her : " The driver just insulted me! " The man says : " You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you. "
TOP JOKE IN BELGIUM :
Why ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.
TOP JOKE IN GERMANY :
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found , frown and say : "That's not it" and put it down again. This went for sometime, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested.
The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said : "That's it."
TOP JOKE IN AUSTRALIA :
A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out and I had this corpse-like look on my face ! what's wrong with me doctor ?" The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says : " Well, I can't tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."
AND FINALLY :
Two New Jersey hunters are in the wood when one falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head .The other whips out his mobile and calls the emergency services. He gasps : "My friend is dead! What can I do ?" The operator, in a smoothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help you. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence , than a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line." OK, now what?"