(no subject)
So I went to a Dr. yesterday. A couple things are wrong (Uterus/Ovary problems for which if I am scarred once off these pills [assuming they work and I don't require a hysterectomy] I may never be able to have children again.) He wants to rule out Hyperthyroidism, which is what he currently believes I have. (It can cause anxiety/depression.) So I went to a lab to have blood-work done and will go back in 3 weeks for my results (also for another ovarian exam).
While I feel good about going, and am handling the side effects of my lady-parts-medication somewhat well, I haven't been able to stop crying since I went. Then again, I've been crying a lot lately. Something is really wrong and I need it to be fixed. At this point my life is crappy. Sure, I have a lot of nice things and people who give a damn about me, but I just don't see how this is a life worth living. I need to do something to ensure my happiness and be a little selfish and think about myself for once.
I've started a notebook to log my thoughts and action/food intake through the days. Basically spilling my inner self to paper, instead of people. Hopefully that will help. The one thing I really want I don't have. There doesn't seem to be a way to cope with that right this moment. I just have to deal with it. It's a void and at the same time that void is filled with too many questions. Some about myself, some about others. *Sigh* I need to spend some more time with Jessica.
Today everyone is at Frizbee Golf, but I couldn't go because my medicine cautions me to stay away from direct sunlight, either artificial or natural. It's okay though, I honestly wasn't up for it today. I was up from 4-6 vomiting and pacing and clutching my stomach in pain. I didn't really get much sleep, but since I slept so much yesterday it balances out.
Doc says I need to watch what I eat. I have food & preservative allergies (that I've always known about) & I need to read labels and stop eating that crap. So that means no deli meats, no chinese foods, no soda, no red wine, no champagne, no lemon juice, no cookies, chocolate, butter, ice-cream, cheese, yougurt, campbell's soups, absolutely NO fast-food, ect. There is a HUGE list.
I'm not a big girl, obviously, but I do like to eat. So in this time of me not being interested in anything at all, because I'm too busy feeling sad for myself like a small whining child, food was what I turned to. Not anymore. So now I have to write.
If I get it all out of me, uncensored and not worried about who is reading and what they think or why, maybe I can start to feel better.
Maybe I do have hyperthyroidism. I hope so. That would mean it can be fixed quickly. If it isn't, and I'm just nutso, well... that will take longer. *sigh*
While I feel good about going, and am handling the side effects of my lady-parts-medication somewhat well, I haven't been able to stop crying since I went. Then again, I've been crying a lot lately. Something is really wrong and I need it to be fixed. At this point my life is crappy. Sure, I have a lot of nice things and people who give a damn about me, but I just don't see how this is a life worth living. I need to do something to ensure my happiness and be a little selfish and think about myself for once.
I've started a notebook to log my thoughts and action/food intake through the days. Basically spilling my inner self to paper, instead of people. Hopefully that will help. The one thing I really want I don't have. There doesn't seem to be a way to cope with that right this moment. I just have to deal with it. It's a void and at the same time that void is filled with too many questions. Some about myself, some about others. *Sigh* I need to spend some more time with Jessica.
Today everyone is at Frizbee Golf, but I couldn't go because my medicine cautions me to stay away from direct sunlight, either artificial or natural. It's okay though, I honestly wasn't up for it today. I was up from 4-6 vomiting and pacing and clutching my stomach in pain. I didn't really get much sleep, but since I slept so much yesterday it balances out.
Doc says I need to watch what I eat. I have food & preservative allergies (that I've always known about) & I need to read labels and stop eating that crap. So that means no deli meats, no chinese foods, no soda, no red wine, no champagne, no lemon juice, no cookies, chocolate, butter, ice-cream, cheese, yougurt, campbell's soups, absolutely NO fast-food, ect. There is a HUGE list.
I'm not a big girl, obviously, but I do like to eat. So in this time of me not being interested in anything at all, because I'm too busy feeling sad for myself like a small whining child, food was what I turned to. Not anymore. So now I have to write.
If I get it all out of me, uncensored and not worried about who is reading and what they think or why, maybe I can start to feel better.
Maybe I do have hyperthyroidism. I hope so. That would mean it can be fixed quickly. If it isn't, and I'm just nutso, well... that will take longer. *sigh*