MOST INFURIATING DREAM EVER
I've just had a dream that was so frustrating. So aggravating. So irritating. So blindingly rage inducing that I won't be able to go back to sleep.
I call this dream OMFGRUSRS:
I'm living at my mom's house still, and she and I watching TV. It's about 11:00 at night. She decides to wander off to bed, but as she's passing the door, the doorbell rings. Without thinking, she just opens up the door. Standing there is a 17 year old kid holding a revolver, and it's shaking wildly. He tells us that we're robbing him, so that we should step inside and not make any sudden movements or anything.
Now, in the dream I had several thousand dollars worth of money and valuables lying around, and for some reason I didn't want any of it stolen, but I wanted him to grab enough of it for it to make a solid case when I call the cops and bust his ass. SO. Lets fast forward through this part, but lets just say through a lot of psychological and misdirectional manipulation...I end up with him holding a pillowcase holding a couple hundred dollars worth of shit, and he's getting to the point where he's antsy and wants to leave.
As soon as he walks out the door, I've dialed 911 and am giving them a vague description of the guy, and which direction he's headed. Or so I thought...I'd gotten about 2 sentences in before the line just cuts out. I call again, and I get a wrong number somehow. I look down at the phone, and it clearly states that I dialed 9. 1. 1. At this point, the guy's glanced back through the window, and sees what I'm (unsuccessfully) doing.
The kid rushes back inside, waving his gun around, telling me to stop trying to call the police. At that point I'm so frustrated that I just grab his gun-hand, make sure it's not pointed anywhere dangerous, and proceed to beat the kid against a wall 'til he goes a little fuzzy. I then take the gun from him, pick up the phone, and dial 911 AGAIN.
This time I get through. So I throw the gun to the side, hold the dazed robber in one of those submission holds, and start telling the operator - calmly and clearly - what's going on. Attempted robbery. I have the suspect. Xxxxx Address. Please send an officer ASAP before this guy finds a way to escape. What the operator apparently heard was "blah blah blah blah blah I have the suspect blah blah blah blah blah."
"So, wait. You have the suspect?" he says. I replied with as much patience as I could muster, "Yes, now PLEASE send some police over here NOW".
He puts me on hold.
What feels like hours later, he comes back on the line, laughing. "You won't believe this" he says. "But I entered your address, and told it to assign the closest unit to the situation...guess where the unit is...ALASKA!"
I failed to see the humor in this.
"Sir, you realize that my life is in danger until this man can be placed in custody..." I said, trying not to lose my temper. "I don't care what address you put in, just get some cops to the corner of ____ and ____ NOW. I'll drag the motherfucker out there if I have to". I get no response.
I hear murmurs and giggles over the phone, as the guy clearly was telling his coworkers about the glitch in their program. I'm PISSED.
Fast forward a little bit, and my mom turns on the news just to kill time. She's getting bored of me holding this guy down, yelling at the people on the phone to come pick up the fucker. Suddenly there's some breaking news! A glitch in the computer system of the 911 dispatcher software has assigned some cops in Alaska to an attempted break and enter in Austin, TX. They have the operator on the line, ready to tell this amusing tale...
...I'm still on the phone with the operator at this time - or so I thought.
I look at my cell phone, and it calmly ticks past the 30-minute mark of the current phone call...So I start screaming into the phone that if someone doesn't come collect this motherfucker in the next 3 minutes, it's going to turn into a murder-suicide in progress instead of attempted robbery. My voice carries over to the newscast, in the background. They stop for a second and listen to the latter half of my tirade. They're silent for a few seconds after I'm finished, and then the anchorman laughs and says "Wow, sounds like someone needs to chillax, eh?"
At that point, I was so frustrated and angry that I woke up, ready to start breaking things. I discover that it's 6:00 am. I won't be getting back to sleep, as remnants of that dream, and the frustration it caused, are whirling through my head. So I thought I'd LJ about it. Maybe y'all can have (or had, rather) a laugh at my expense, too...
The end.
I call this dream OMFGRUSRS:
I'm living at my mom's house still, and she and I watching TV. It's about 11:00 at night. She decides to wander off to bed, but as she's passing the door, the doorbell rings. Without thinking, she just opens up the door. Standing there is a 17 year old kid holding a revolver, and it's shaking wildly. He tells us that we're robbing him, so that we should step inside and not make any sudden movements or anything.
Now, in the dream I had several thousand dollars worth of money and valuables lying around, and for some reason I didn't want any of it stolen, but I wanted him to grab enough of it for it to make a solid case when I call the cops and bust his ass. SO. Lets fast forward through this part, but lets just say through a lot of psychological and misdirectional manipulation...I end up with him holding a pillowcase holding a couple hundred dollars worth of shit, and he's getting to the point where he's antsy and wants to leave.
As soon as he walks out the door, I've dialed 911 and am giving them a vague description of the guy, and which direction he's headed. Or so I thought...I'd gotten about 2 sentences in before the line just cuts out. I call again, and I get a wrong number somehow. I look down at the phone, and it clearly states that I dialed 9. 1. 1. At this point, the guy's glanced back through the window, and sees what I'm (unsuccessfully) doing.
The kid rushes back inside, waving his gun around, telling me to stop trying to call the police. At that point I'm so frustrated that I just grab his gun-hand, make sure it's not pointed anywhere dangerous, and proceed to beat the kid against a wall 'til he goes a little fuzzy. I then take the gun from him, pick up the phone, and dial 911 AGAIN.
This time I get through. So I throw the gun to the side, hold the dazed robber in one of those submission holds, and start telling the operator - calmly and clearly - what's going on. Attempted robbery. I have the suspect. Xxxxx Address. Please send an officer ASAP before this guy finds a way to escape. What the operator apparently heard was "blah blah blah blah blah I have the suspect blah blah blah blah blah."
"So, wait. You have the suspect?" he says. I replied with as much patience as I could muster, "Yes, now PLEASE send some police over here NOW".
He puts me on hold.
What feels like hours later, he comes back on the line, laughing. "You won't believe this" he says. "But I entered your address, and told it to assign the closest unit to the situation...guess where the unit is...ALASKA!"
I failed to see the humor in this.
"Sir, you realize that my life is in danger until this man can be placed in custody..." I said, trying not to lose my temper. "I don't care what address you put in, just get some cops to the corner of ____ and ____ NOW. I'll drag the motherfucker out there if I have to". I get no response.
I hear murmurs and giggles over the phone, as the guy clearly was telling his coworkers about the glitch in their program. I'm PISSED.
Fast forward a little bit, and my mom turns on the news just to kill time. She's getting bored of me holding this guy down, yelling at the people on the phone to come pick up the fucker. Suddenly there's some breaking news! A glitch in the computer system of the 911 dispatcher software has assigned some cops in Alaska to an attempted break and enter in Austin, TX. They have the operator on the line, ready to tell this amusing tale...
...I'm still on the phone with the operator at this time - or so I thought.
I look at my cell phone, and it calmly ticks past the 30-minute mark of the current phone call...So I start screaming into the phone that if someone doesn't come collect this motherfucker in the next 3 minutes, it's going to turn into a murder-suicide in progress instead of attempted robbery. My voice carries over to the newscast, in the background. They stop for a second and listen to the latter half of my tirade. They're silent for a few seconds after I'm finished, and then the anchorman laughs and says "Wow, sounds like someone needs to chillax, eh?"
At that point, I was so frustrated and angry that I woke up, ready to start breaking things. I discover that it's 6:00 am. I won't be getting back to sleep, as remnants of that dream, and the frustration it caused, are whirling through my head. So I thought I'd LJ about it. Maybe y'all can have (or had, rather) a laugh at my expense, too...
The end.