perspectives
I once heard a quote that said "Understanding is a three-edged sword. Three sides. Your side. Their side. And the truth." Looking back on things over a weekend that went from really nice to somewhat hellish, I think there is a lot of truth in that statement. My view of reality is framed by my experiences and how I was raised. Likewise, each of the people I know well enough to consider friends looks at the same thing differently based upon their experiences and upbringing. In between the two is usually the truth.
Humans by their nature, or nurture, cannot see the whole truth of anything that is even vaugely subjective. While it is kind of like the Heisenberg uncertainty principle, in that you can know some of the information of a event with extreme certainty, you can not know "all" of the information because the very observation of the event influences your ability to measure it. Over the last few weeks this has become clearer as I look back on things.
Lately I have come to wonder what I really do want. Every time I meet someone who might be nice, I seem to screw things up. For some I am just not old enough, or grey enough as some have said in not so many words, or it is that I am too old and not "young" enough as others have said. For others I am too sarcastic or sharp tongued. Others say that I am too cold and distant or emotionally repressed and then get shocked by the power of the emotions that burst forth from time to time. I wonder if it is just that I am piss poor at choosing those I find attractive or if it is that I really am all of those things that they say I am.
Right now, I think I need to decide what I really am all about and where I want to be going. I know that I can't change the fact that I have a sharp tongue and a wicked wit, thats just who I am. It has always been a good way of keeping my sense of self when I was growing up and had to deal with those who liked to point out what I am not. Likewise, I doubt I will ever ease being seen as cold and distant by those who just look at the surface and refuse to take the time to dig a bit deeper. Alas since those sorts of people seem to be rarer than the fabled Basselope, I think I will continue to just stand back and watch the world go by from the safety of my window on the world.
Humans by their nature, or nurture, cannot see the whole truth of anything that is even vaugely subjective. While it is kind of like the Heisenberg uncertainty principle, in that you can know some of the information of a event with extreme certainty, you can not know "all" of the information because the very observation of the event influences your ability to measure it. Over the last few weeks this has become clearer as I look back on things.
Lately I have come to wonder what I really do want. Every time I meet someone who might be nice, I seem to screw things up. For some I am just not old enough, or grey enough as some have said in not so many words, or it is that I am too old and not "young" enough as others have said. For others I am too sarcastic or sharp tongued. Others say that I am too cold and distant or emotionally repressed and then get shocked by the power of the emotions that burst forth from time to time. I wonder if it is just that I am piss poor at choosing those I find attractive or if it is that I really am all of those things that they say I am.
Right now, I think I need to decide what I really am all about and where I want to be going. I know that I can't change the fact that I have a sharp tongue and a wicked wit, thats just who I am. It has always been a good way of keeping my sense of self when I was growing up and had to deal with those who liked to point out what I am not. Likewise, I doubt I will ever ease being seen as cold and distant by those who just look at the surface and refuse to take the time to dig a bit deeper. Alas since those sorts of people seem to be rarer than the fabled Basselope, I think I will continue to just stand back and watch the world go by from the safety of my window on the world.