Pilot Humor
Originally published at AlMoSt DoNe. You can comment here or there.
Yesterday I watched TV and in a comedy show this was mentioned. I already knew it but I have to post it here now. As I found a good version online I just copy and paste it here and give credits to the source http://www.mooremeister.net/
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Quantas Humor
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe
sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints
submitted by Quantas’ pilots (marked with a P) and the
solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers.
By the way, Quantas is the only major airline
that has never had an accident….. Enjoy!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last………………
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
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German Versions can be found at …
http://www.worschtelstubb.de/main/humor/pilot.html