syringes and mutilated pin-up girls, flying saucers, marble jacuzzis, pink peppercorns.
...where there was nature and earth, life and water, i saw a desert landscape that was unending, resembling some sort of crater, so devoid of reason and light and spirit that the mind could not grasp it on any sort of conscious level and if you came close the mind would reel backward, unable to take it in. it was a vision so clear and real and vital to me that in its purity it was almost abscract. this was what i could understand, this was how i lived my life, what i constructed my movement around, how my reality revolved: it not not occur to me, ever, that people were good or that man was capable of change or that the world could be a better place through one's taking pleasure in a feeling or a look or a gesture, or reveiving another person's love or kindness. nothing was affirmative, the term "gernerosity of spirit" applied to nothing, was a cliche, was some kind of bad joke. sex is mathematics. individuality no longer as issue. what does intelligence signify? define reason. desire--meaningless. intellect is not a cure. justice is dead. fear, recrimination, innocence, sympathy, guilt, waste, failure, grief, were things, emotions, that no one really felt anymore. reflection is useless, the world is senseless. evil is its only permanence. god is not alive. love cannot be trusted. surface, surface, surface was all that anyone found meaning in...this was civilization as i saw it, colassal and jagged.