*sobs* So...Effink...Tierd.
After a busy and low on sleep weekend, I found myself blissfully dreaming by midnight, which is in general just the perfect amount of sleep for a Monday Morning. Not so however, when you find yourself being awoken in a series of events that makes you wonder how warm and cozy cat fur booties are.
Now, I've gotten used to the idea that despite many conversations with Col. Mustard that there is nothing to find in my nostrils, food, toys, or otherwise, and would he please stop trying to wedge his nose up mine, I will still end up awakening at around 6:45 AM with a cat lovingly petting my cheek or trying to lodge his nose up my nostril.
And thus begins the saga.
3:45 am
Col. Mustard: Pardon me, but you have a fascinating nostril... is there a prize in it? I'll look.
Me: Cat, stop. Please. It's not yet 4 and I was *resting*
Col. Mustard: But no, look - you've got something really interesting up here. I'm telling you.
Me: Perhaps you don't understand....*throw cat off bed*
4:00 am
Col. Mustard: *taptap* you awake? Because really. I'm telling you - I really want ....
Me: Go. Away.
Col. Mustard: .....*pause* ...Hey *taptap* how about now?
Me: No. Go Away.
Col. Mustard casually starts knocking around percussive things on my end table. I shove him off.
4:05 am
I hear a distinctive noise like that of someone rudely chewing gum with their mouth open. I dive out of bed towards the television, because this is the noise of Paige chewing on the TV power cord. It gets knotted up and tucked beck behind the TV.
Paige: I'm hungry!!!!!
Me: No. No, you are not. you are more than 1 stone, and you're a CAT. You cannot possibly be hungry.
Paige: Oh, you think so, do you?
Me: Go. To Bed. What is WRONG with all of you?
Paige: I'll go to bed after you feed me.
Me: No. You had food in your bowls not 4 hours ago. You do not need feed at all hours. You, Missy, are irresponsible with it and have become beachball shaped because I let you have food at all hours.
Molly begins licking a plastic bag at this point.
4:10 am
I hear rattling like a prisoner rapping their cup against the bars of their cell
Paige: Oh HEEEEELP!! ABUSE!!! Someone Help! She never FEEDS us!
Me: Quit that!
Paige: There's no food! I'm starving! I haven't eaten in days!!!!
Me: Your backside tells a different story. Now Hush
Paige: And she verbally abuses us!
me: FINE. Here. Have some!
The rattling of Ceramic bowls against each other ceases, in favor of the much quieter noise of crunches.
4:15 am
Molly screams at Mustard, probably because he's attempting to eat his own food.
Me, Shouting: That is IT. Everyone. GO. TO. BED. NOW.
Which of course woke my husband, who whinged about the noise and me waking him up.
I could throttle him.
4:30 am
Paige: Pet me, now!
Me: Okay. I can do that.
Paige: You stopped.
Me. Yes, I'm attempting to sleep here.
Paige: but, but, I love you!
Me: Okay, Okay!
Paige: You stopped again.
Me: I KEEL JOO!
Paige: Well no need to be rude!
6:45 am
Col. Mustard: *taptaptap* Hey.. did you know.. that your nose... it is fascinating!
me: AUUUUUGH!!!!!!!
7:00 am
*alarm*
Me:*cry*
Now, I've gotten used to the idea that despite many conversations with Col. Mustard that there is nothing to find in my nostrils, food, toys, or otherwise, and would he please stop trying to wedge his nose up mine, I will still end up awakening at around 6:45 AM with a cat lovingly petting my cheek or trying to lodge his nose up my nostril.
And thus begins the saga.
3:45 am
Col. Mustard: Pardon me, but you have a fascinating nostril... is there a prize in it? I'll look.
Me: Cat, stop. Please. It's not yet 4 and I was *resting*
Col. Mustard: But no, look - you've got something really interesting up here. I'm telling you.
Me: Perhaps you don't understand....*throw cat off bed*
4:00 am
Col. Mustard: *taptap* you awake? Because really. I'm telling you - I really want ....
Me: Go. Away.
Col. Mustard: .....*pause* ...Hey *taptap* how about now?
Me: No. Go Away.
Col. Mustard casually starts knocking around percussive things on my end table. I shove him off.
4:05 am
I hear a distinctive noise like that of someone rudely chewing gum with their mouth open. I dive out of bed towards the television, because this is the noise of Paige chewing on the TV power cord. It gets knotted up and tucked beck behind the TV.
Paige: I'm hungry!!!!!
Me: No. No, you are not. you are more than 1 stone, and you're a CAT. You cannot possibly be hungry.
Paige: Oh, you think so, do you?
Me: Go. To Bed. What is WRONG with all of you?
Paige: I'll go to bed after you feed me.
Me: No. You had food in your bowls not 4 hours ago. You do not need feed at all hours. You, Missy, are irresponsible with it and have become beachball shaped because I let you have food at all hours.
Molly begins licking a plastic bag at this point.
4:10 am
I hear rattling like a prisoner rapping their cup against the bars of their cell
Paige: Oh HEEEEELP!! ABUSE!!! Someone Help! She never FEEDS us!
Me: Quit that!
Paige: There's no food! I'm starving! I haven't eaten in days!!!!
Me: Your backside tells a different story. Now Hush
Paige: And she verbally abuses us!
me: FINE. Here. Have some!
The rattling of Ceramic bowls against each other ceases, in favor of the much quieter noise of crunches.
4:15 am
Molly screams at Mustard, probably because he's attempting to eat his own food.
Me, Shouting: That is IT. Everyone. GO. TO. BED. NOW.
Which of course woke my husband, who whinged about the noise and me waking him up.
I could throttle him.
4:30 am
Paige: Pet me, now!
Me: Okay. I can do that.
Paige: You stopped.
Me. Yes, I'm attempting to sleep here.
Paige: but, but, I love you!
Me: Okay, Okay!
Paige: You stopped again.
Me: I KEEL JOO!
Paige: Well no need to be rude!
6:45 am
Col. Mustard: *taptaptap* Hey.. did you know.. that your nose... it is fascinating!
me: AUUUUUGH!!!!!!!
7:00 am
*alarm*
Me:*cry*