(no subject)
I am not ready for me. I don't feel as though I can cope any longer; and who am I to turn to? People are so alien. I would be content without them despite the occasional yearning for social embrace, romantically or figuratively if only, simply, I could know, beyond reasonable doubt; that they would not be back to bother me. That is not, however, how this earth works; and I am doomed to repeat myself; as I accurately predicted about 8 months ago; repeat these uncontrollable, if rare outbursts of emotion I could never contend with. Never. And yet, perhaps the cycle is not retracing, but wideninig; deepening it's trench in my already emotionally disconnected psyche. It would seem as such considering each time it gets worse and this, for the first incident of my recollection; has involved both mental and physical breakdown. How am I to contend with the figurative beating of my monsters back into the closet they rest in when my arms are too weak to move, when my back is breaking, my head bursting, my mind spliting and my stomach weaving sickeningly back into itself, trying to escape my skin's outstretched fingers. Riddle me this, whomever stumbles upon me and feels confident enough in their own contentedness; what is one to do when the will to move, the will to raise eyelids and suck breath is slowly creeping from a spent body and a spent mind. Reinvigorate me.
4/16/08
4/16/08