(no subject)
*takes a deep breath*
well, i honestly don't know how homosexuals do it.
how gays and lesbians are able to take the abuse day after day.
i'm not naive and of course i have always known the torture they go through
but it's so much more different when you're on the other end.
LITTLE things you would never think will hurt someone ends up doing just that.
it's even worse when it surrounds you and where you are at the very moment.
it's even worse when its from subjects you thought would never judge.
i should be more clear.
aside from the obvious judgmental random fucks i have to deal with,
i don't have the courage to say anything to those who are close to me
b/c i know they are not doing it to hurt me intentionally.
they just don't know b/c they don't know what it's like.
i'm not a "subject" to talk to about.
it's not your place to tell people that i'm dating a girl.
and no, i'm not ashamed that i am.
it just gets ridiculous when people make such a big deal
but if it were just another guy, no one would even stop to think.
i don't feel comfortable with you making it clear to everyone that i like a girl
and that tabitha is a LESBIAN.
and it double sucks when i feel shame for the BOTH of us.
i don't care if people i haven't talked to since high doesn't know that i've changed.
in fact, it's better if they don't know
b/c they don't KNOW me to NOT judge me.
it's disgusting to watch people give us dirty looks just because
i LOOK like a straight innocent girl and we are HOLDING HANDS for christ's sake.
it feels weird that i feel awkward kissing my girlfriend whenever i want -
just a LITTLE PECK without making anyone feel homophobic.
and yes i know my friends don't care and
yes i know they support my every decision
but that doesn't stop human nature from turning their heads to us.
most of the time, i feel like people forget who tabitha and i are.
we are in a RELATIONSHIP which makes us GIRLFRIENDS. - NOT just best friends.
and i don't blame them b/c it is different
but i don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable if i decided to kiss her
or dance with her or hold her b/c that's what 2 people who care for each other do.
i don't do any of the above b/c i have respect for people
and i HATE making people feel uncomfortable.
but i'm so afraid that this is jeopardizing US.
she hasn't said anything to me yet but i feel it coming.
i just wish people treated us like we ARE in a relationship.
but god knows how grateful i am for having these people in my life
who were so understanding and supportive.
maybe they just didn't know the whole package.
and neither did i.
well, i honestly don't know how homosexuals do it.
how gays and lesbians are able to take the abuse day after day.
i'm not naive and of course i have always known the torture they go through
but it's so much more different when you're on the other end.
LITTLE things you would never think will hurt someone ends up doing just that.
it's even worse when it surrounds you and where you are at the very moment.
it's even worse when its from subjects you thought would never judge.
i should be more clear.
aside from the obvious judgmental random fucks i have to deal with,
i don't have the courage to say anything to those who are close to me
b/c i know they are not doing it to hurt me intentionally.
they just don't know b/c they don't know what it's like.
i'm not a "subject" to talk to about.
it's not your place to tell people that i'm dating a girl.
and no, i'm not ashamed that i am.
it just gets ridiculous when people make such a big deal
but if it were just another guy, no one would even stop to think.
i don't feel comfortable with you making it clear to everyone that i like a girl
and that tabitha is a LESBIAN.
and it double sucks when i feel shame for the BOTH of us.
i don't care if people i haven't talked to since high doesn't know that i've changed.
in fact, it's better if they don't know
b/c they don't KNOW me to NOT judge me.
it's disgusting to watch people give us dirty looks just because
i LOOK like a straight innocent girl and we are HOLDING HANDS for christ's sake.
it feels weird that i feel awkward kissing my girlfriend whenever i want -
just a LITTLE PECK without making anyone feel homophobic.
and yes i know my friends don't care and
yes i know they support my every decision
but that doesn't stop human nature from turning their heads to us.
most of the time, i feel like people forget who tabitha and i are.
we are in a RELATIONSHIP which makes us GIRLFRIENDS. - NOT just best friends.
and i don't blame them b/c it is different
but i don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable if i decided to kiss her
or dance with her or hold her b/c that's what 2 people who care for each other do.
i don't do any of the above b/c i have respect for people
and i HATE making people feel uncomfortable.
but i'm so afraid that this is jeopardizing US.
she hasn't said anything to me yet but i feel it coming.
i just wish people treated us like we ARE in a relationship.
but god knows how grateful i am for having these people in my life
who were so understanding and supportive.
maybe they just didn't know the whole package.
and neither did i.