(no subject)
im on a cloud, happy... content with life and people and things are just cool.
why?
why does my dad do this shit? why is everything associated with fucking up. why cant there really be people that are just straight and fine and get along. i dont fucking understand. i hate him. i hate this. why does my family constantly have to deal with this bullshit... my moms a mess... only thing i could think to do was walk down the street where he was, tell him to either come home and apologize to my mom and stay home, or i was going to let all of his friends know what the fuck is going on, what they are helping to contribute to my family, how they fuck up my life and make me break down, how fucking ugly and useless and twoface they were, how they have ruined my family even before i was born. i told him. a guy laughed, i told him i hoped he died, that his car tires blew out, that all he was to me and anyone else is a fucking crackhead. i told a guy that sells crack that he was a piece of shit, and ruined families. i told his son that his dad sold crack and cocaine to people, and put families in shit holes. that the only reason he had the shit he had was because his dad killed people. i walked away. i tried to hold back the tears, but it was hard, a few tears rolled down my cheeks. i told tracye to tell all of her crackheaded friends that i hate them, and hope that they die. i walked to my house, told my mom what i did... talked to her and michelle for a bit... im tired of hearin the same stuff, so i came upstairs. i have no other release. i hate feeling like everything is coming to an end. i feel so unbreakable, because i can smile right now, but this is torturing me. i need someone to talk to... on the phone or online or anything... i need a hug... but i dont care, i cant stand this shit. things were so.. just, fine. im scared right now. i have this overbearing feeling that me or someone close to me is gonna die, something horrid is gonna happen, ill be left, to rot and die and things will be under done and things not said and just all of this shit. im trying to be so content and nice and just, enjoying life... this hurts, this sucks. im rambling, but im crying and im confused and i feel so stupid, i really do. i take my life for granted, i dont always remember this bad shit until it comes up...
im so broken.
i dont even know.
why?
why does my dad do this shit? why is everything associated with fucking up. why cant there really be people that are just straight and fine and get along. i dont fucking understand. i hate him. i hate this. why does my family constantly have to deal with this bullshit... my moms a mess... only thing i could think to do was walk down the street where he was, tell him to either come home and apologize to my mom and stay home, or i was going to let all of his friends know what the fuck is going on, what they are helping to contribute to my family, how they fuck up my life and make me break down, how fucking ugly and useless and twoface they were, how they have ruined my family even before i was born. i told him. a guy laughed, i told him i hoped he died, that his car tires blew out, that all he was to me and anyone else is a fucking crackhead. i told a guy that sells crack that he was a piece of shit, and ruined families. i told his son that his dad sold crack and cocaine to people, and put families in shit holes. that the only reason he had the shit he had was because his dad killed people. i walked away. i tried to hold back the tears, but it was hard, a few tears rolled down my cheeks. i told tracye to tell all of her crackheaded friends that i hate them, and hope that they die. i walked to my house, told my mom what i did... talked to her and michelle for a bit... im tired of hearin the same stuff, so i came upstairs. i have no other release. i hate feeling like everything is coming to an end. i feel so unbreakable, because i can smile right now, but this is torturing me. i need someone to talk to... on the phone or online or anything... i need a hug... but i dont care, i cant stand this shit. things were so.. just, fine. im scared right now. i have this overbearing feeling that me or someone close to me is gonna die, something horrid is gonna happen, ill be left, to rot and die and things will be under done and things not said and just all of this shit. im trying to be so content and nice and just, enjoying life... this hurts, this sucks. im rambling, but im crying and im confused and i feel so stupid, i really do. i take my life for granted, i dont always remember this bad shit until it comes up...
im so broken.
i dont even know.