finally friday...
Well, much to alface 's dismay, I think I have finally gone mental :o) I really think that I have totally derailed. Ben has a friend that I met freshman year of college and he is gorgeous. On top of that, he is such a great guy and we totally hit it off as friends through him and Coll. I say we hit it off as friends because he had a girlfriend, eh, no big deal. Yet, still a crush for him loomed every time I saw him. So Ben calls me yesterday and tells me that I guess him and his girlfriend broke up awhile ago and he started asking about me (i.e. dating anyone? interested in me?, etc.) So, Ben gave him my number and he called me yesterday. Exciting right? Yeah, not when you are referring to me. I talked with him for awhile and we caught up on some things because I haven't seen him in awhile. And then he dropped the bomb. "Would you like to go out sometime?" Without even hesitation, I politely said "no." And the sickest part about it is that I don't even regret saying no. Don't get me wrong, I explained to him why I responded the way I did and hoped that we could still be cool friends. I actually have a lot of respect for him because he was very gracious and explained that he totally understood where I was coming from and that he appreciated my honesty with him.
I am just not ready. There is no way that I could go on a date with someone when the only person I would be thinking about is not the person sitting across from me. I need to talk to him, I know that I do because there are things that I need/should say. But I won't. I know I won't. I am too chicken sh*t to talk to him about anything. I guess the problem with that is I just replay situations in my head all day long and rehearse what I would say to him if I ever did, but it's all pointless when I know that I won't ever say it to him. Sorry Al, I tried to keep myself from going crazy, but it isn't working :o)
It still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss and it's gettin' better baby
No one can better this
I'm still holdin' on and you're still the one
The first time our eyes met it's the same feelin' I get
Only feels much stronger and I wanna love ya longer
We're still gettin' closer baby
Can't get close enough I'm still holdin' on
You're still number one I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything, I remember all your moves
I remember you, I remember the nights ya know I still do
So If you're feelin' lonely.. don't
You're the only one I'd ever want
I only wanna make it good
So if I love ya a little more than I should
Please forgive me I know not what I do
Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me, if I need ya like I do
Please believe me, every word I say is true
Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you