Im so damn homesic...

Mar 06, 2006 12:20

So Wayne just left with Greene to go to Roseville and Im sittin here thinkin about how much I love him and how good things are going right now ...but look what I had to give up in order for this to happen. I never get to see my friends anymore...the only person i get to talk to on a regular basis is Kymei, which is good because she is on of my BEST friends, but I have other friends too and I never get to talk to them. Victoria thinks I dont love her anymore and have forgotten about her or something.. but that girl is my heart and always has been since she was little. I dont want to involve her in my bullshit and drag her down ya kno? I dont want her to ever make the same mistakes I did. I dont want her to look up to me in any way shape or form because I have litterally became a peice of shit. I mean look at my life now as opposed to 5 years ago...its changed so drastically. I've done things I never thought i'd do in a million years I've stolen from my parents..robbed them blind. I've fucked up that relationship so much in the last 4 months alone its sickning! Im one of the mot screwed up people u'll ever meet. I wish I could change alot of the things i've done..I wish I could just go back and fix everything! But life don't werk like that I guess. Me n Wayne r tryin our hardest to make things right wit my parents. I dont want my family to hate him..or me for that matter. I wish Vicky could meet him...I wish she wanted to. I almost wish Sam had never introduced me to him...then I wouldnt be here in this predicament, with everyone else I love and care about hating me because im with him. The only person who gets wut im going thru is Kym..I think thats why we've goten even closer recently. She gets it cuz she goes thru the same shit bein wit Matt. I talked to Bonnie the other day ((I gotta sneek to do that)) she said Jarmaine is home and he calls over there every once in a while...he's on house arrest until sometime this summer so he hasnt stopped by yet. She said he's REALLY mad at me because the last time I wrote him I told him about how Wayne hit me and I needed him to take care of it when he came home..he wrote me back and said "dont worry about him..I got sumthin for him when I come home. Anything for you sweetheart" then like a week later me n Wayne got back together. Bonnie tol him I was back wit Wayne, Bailed him outta jail twice and have been living with him for the past 4 months and he was heated! He's so mad at me right now he dont even want to speak to me. He used to say he was my daddy..I was his little girl...his sweetheart. Out of all my friends in brooklyn he was the only one i would listen to...the only one who truly gained my respect...and i screwed him over. I cant help but to screw up and make everyone hate me! I miss Jarmaine..I miss bonnie...I miss Mickey, Melissa, Peaches, Sam, Jeff, Jenn & Rose. I miss Jessie...I had a dream about him the other night. I miss everybody. I dont kno when im coming home...but I'll deff be home in june, at least for a lil while because that is when Makenzie is due ((Kym's daughter)) and I dont care how much Wayne argues wit me not to go...im not missing that for anything! Well i guess im done being an emotional lil whiney bitch so...

xoxox Valerie xoxox
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