never more neither me
Last night I went bowling with my brother, Mary, her 3 cousins, her brother, his housemate, and my brother's friend Eugene and his girlfriend. It was a lot of fun. I was bowling well until I looked at the score and saw how well I was doing...from that point on I pretty much sucked. Mary and I kept buying each other drinks, so by the end of the three games we were good and tipsy which was nice. It was also nice that I wasn't sloppily tipsy, just fun, in control tipsy. I won a lion out of the claw machine while she proceeded to call me a variety of names since ever since she started me on the claw machine I have been kicking ass and she has been sucking at it. As always the cousins were a blast. Nice, funny fellows. Everyone else was cool too. Overall it was a very fun night.
When I got home it wasn't that late...probably 12:30, so my parents were up. I showed them the lion and proceeded to eat a cinnamon roll while texting, im-ing, and interneting the night away. I texted Jay (my ex b/f with whom I am still friends), I im'd Patrick (a friend from working at applied psych who is studying in China right now), I im'd Conor something like "oh bejeezus conor, have a good night" b/c his away message said "out bein an irish lad". Without knowing that I did so, he called me about 5 minutes afterward to tell me he had met a girl at a party who had a Minnesota accent, and he had told her to wait with him while he called me so I could hear her speak, but then she left and he called her a bitch. It was really funny. He was wasted and told me he was going to Ireland for spring break. It was so funny because it was so unexpected. I have probably spoken to him once on the phone prior to last night.
Ok, so here is the icing on the drunk communication cake. I texted Eddie. I do not think I mentioned him in here by name before. If you have read previous entries, he was the one referred to as the boy, or boy from Queens. In order to contextualize, here is, Eddie was my first one night stand...my one night stand who I chatted with for about an hour before the one night stand occurred and learned that based purely upon physical attraction I had somehow wound up taking home someone who was an awesome, nice guy with great taste in music with whom I had a good amount in common. For the next year I attempted to turn this one night stand into a relationship. We dated on and off...he would disappear every now and then and just when I was starting to forget about him I would end up calling him while tipsy and we would start hanging out again. Towards the end of senior year we went on a really good date. I can be really quiet and shy at first, and on that date I finally opened up and it went really well, but then I moved back home after graduation. However we kept in touch and had really great, long, phone conversations about music, and adidas and assorted other things. Over the summer we wound up hanging out a few times and things were progressing nicely. The disappearing act hadn't happened again since we went on the very good date in April. In early fall...september/october things were going really well. I finally was starting to let myself relax and allow myself to be happy that things were probably going to work out the way I wanted. Then he started to disappear. I emailed him asking what was up. We wound up talking on the phone and he told me he was probably getting back together with his ex. I was really hurt/upset/mad, but didn't really know what to say at the time, so I really didn't freak out or yell at him or anything. A few days later I collected my thoughts and wrote a big email to him about it. It went unanswered, as did any text messages or phone calls...until last night.
I texted him "Hi". He texted me back, "Hi,I'm a huge jackass. How are you?" I texted back, "I'll say. I'm fine. What's up?" He texted "Nothing, I'm in bed, can I call you?". Me, "why not?"
It was a pretty fuckin big deal. At this point, almost 4 months after I last spoke to him, I did not think I would ever hear from him again. That was it.
There was small talk, a little catch up, and then he told me he wanted to tell me about what exactly had happened with the ex-gf. And he did...I am not going to get into it...it is a bit long and involved. He then apologized profusely for not returning my calls or emailing me back or anything. That he realizes what a jackass he was and that it was the wrong thing to do, and because he knew what he had done was such a dick thing to do, he could not bring himself to call me, which I realize is a kind of fucking lame excuse, but I can understand it. I definitely have done similar things before. He really seemed sincere and sorry, and said he was really enjoyed hanging out and talking and the time we spent together and realized what an asshole thing he had done. I told him how at the time it seemed really out of nowhere and he said he knew it was and that also made him feel like he couldn't call me...like if he were me he would think he was an asshole and not want to hear the whole unpleasant story. He said he kicks himself about it all the time and was really glad I texted him and that he was able to tell me what happened. My number is still in his phone and his sister's name is Kathryn so we are right near each other so he sees it everytime he calls her (which is everyday) and it makes him think about it and think "fuck" all the time. He said he held his head in his hands and said fuck when he read my email when he was at work in november. In the email one of the things I said was that what he did seemed completely out of character and he brought it up...so I feel like he is semi not full of shit since he remembered that specific part...
So the conversation pretty much went:
getting back with his g/f info and circumstances/current happenings
apologizing profusely/explaining himself
me reiterating how much it caught me off guard/how much it hurt/upset me/how it was such an asshole thing to do
him apologizing more
It ended with me saying it was good to finally find out what happened, and he said he was glad to be able to get it out there because he felt so horrible about it. He said he still really likes me and liked hanging out and all that and wanted to know if he could call me, and this is where I semi-took the opportunity to be a bit hostile. This is going to probably make me seem really lame, but I don't care. This is how I am...You can call me a pushover, or I prefer to think of myself as a very forgiving person who always gives people the benefit of the doubt. So me being a bit hostile was "I obviously think you're a great, interesting person and I 99% believe that you meant everything you just told me and that you're not full of shit, so this is your chance, if you say you are going to call me, call me. Within the next month say, if you call me that what will confirm that 1%. I know that is kind of lame, and I feel like that is such a stupid girl-like thing to do, but I mean you really fucking pulled the rug out from under me, and he was like "no, I totally understand and I will call you."
So that was that...it was way more deep than that but I can't remember it exactly because it happened at like 2 am and I was still tipsy and haven't gotten much sleep.
I pretty much believe him and it was obviously still an asshole thing that he did, but he seems genuinely sorry. And I meant what I said about him calling...if he actually calls and makes an effort towards being friends I will really belive that he is not full of shit and that I did mean something to him and that he really is sorry. I feel better about the whole situation now that I know what went into it, and barring this one really fucked up thing he really was an interesting, nice, great person with whom I really would like to remain friends and have in my life.
So we'll see...
In lighter matters:
I have been doing some cd shopping on ebay and won the Boney M album I referred to in the last entry, along with another boney m album (both on cd) for around 10 bucks I think. I also won the new audio bullys cd for $5 or so. So I am excited about that. I also ordered the velvet underground and nico cd used off of amazon. So...I am looking forward to getting all this new music in the mail.
I finished Harry Potter 5 yesterday. Frickin awesome!!! I wish 6 was out in paperback, but it is not!! I think I might have read somewhere that it is coming out in a few months, so maybe I will try to read some other books until then.
I guess that's about it...I am dogsitting for my boss in a couple of weeks from thursday-sunday, hte best part being that I get to stay at his west village pad during that time, and there happens to be a Tarantula concert that saturday night which my brother and his wife are going to try to come in for which will be sweet!! not to mention cd shopping and generic shopping which I have not done in the city since that day in december. I am so excited.
When I got home it wasn't that late...probably 12:30, so my parents were up. I showed them the lion and proceeded to eat a cinnamon roll while texting, im-ing, and interneting the night away. I texted Jay (my ex b/f with whom I am still friends), I im'd Patrick (a friend from working at applied psych who is studying in China right now), I im'd Conor something like "oh bejeezus conor, have a good night" b/c his away message said "out bein an irish lad". Without knowing that I did so, he called me about 5 minutes afterward to tell me he had met a girl at a party who had a Minnesota accent, and he had told her to wait with him while he called me so I could hear her speak, but then she left and he called her a bitch. It was really funny. He was wasted and told me he was going to Ireland for spring break. It was so funny because it was so unexpected. I have probably spoken to him once on the phone prior to last night.
Ok, so here is the icing on the drunk communication cake. I texted Eddie. I do not think I mentioned him in here by name before. If you have read previous entries, he was the one referred to as the boy, or boy from Queens. In order to contextualize, here is, Eddie was my first one night stand...my one night stand who I chatted with for about an hour before the one night stand occurred and learned that based purely upon physical attraction I had somehow wound up taking home someone who was an awesome, nice guy with great taste in music with whom I had a good amount in common. For the next year I attempted to turn this one night stand into a relationship. We dated on and off...he would disappear every now and then and just when I was starting to forget about him I would end up calling him while tipsy and we would start hanging out again. Towards the end of senior year we went on a really good date. I can be really quiet and shy at first, and on that date I finally opened up and it went really well, but then I moved back home after graduation. However we kept in touch and had really great, long, phone conversations about music, and adidas and assorted other things. Over the summer we wound up hanging out a few times and things were progressing nicely. The disappearing act hadn't happened again since we went on the very good date in April. In early fall...september/october things were going really well. I finally was starting to let myself relax and allow myself to be happy that things were probably going to work out the way I wanted. Then he started to disappear. I emailed him asking what was up. We wound up talking on the phone and he told me he was probably getting back together with his ex. I was really hurt/upset/mad, but didn't really know what to say at the time, so I really didn't freak out or yell at him or anything. A few days later I collected my thoughts and wrote a big email to him about it. It went unanswered, as did any text messages or phone calls...until last night.
I texted him "Hi". He texted me back, "Hi,I'm a huge jackass. How are you?" I texted back, "I'll say. I'm fine. What's up?" He texted "Nothing, I'm in bed, can I call you?". Me, "why not?"
It was a pretty fuckin big deal. At this point, almost 4 months after I last spoke to him, I did not think I would ever hear from him again. That was it.
There was small talk, a little catch up, and then he told me he wanted to tell me about what exactly had happened with the ex-gf. And he did...I am not going to get into it...it is a bit long and involved. He then apologized profusely for not returning my calls or emailing me back or anything. That he realizes what a jackass he was and that it was the wrong thing to do, and because he knew what he had done was such a dick thing to do, he could not bring himself to call me, which I realize is a kind of fucking lame excuse, but I can understand it. I definitely have done similar things before. He really seemed sincere and sorry, and said he was really enjoyed hanging out and talking and the time we spent together and realized what an asshole thing he had done. I told him how at the time it seemed really out of nowhere and he said he knew it was and that also made him feel like he couldn't call me...like if he were me he would think he was an asshole and not want to hear the whole unpleasant story. He said he kicks himself about it all the time and was really glad I texted him and that he was able to tell me what happened. My number is still in his phone and his sister's name is Kathryn so we are right near each other so he sees it everytime he calls her (which is everyday) and it makes him think about it and think "fuck" all the time. He said he held his head in his hands and said fuck when he read my email when he was at work in november. In the email one of the things I said was that what he did seemed completely out of character and he brought it up...so I feel like he is semi not full of shit since he remembered that specific part...
So the conversation pretty much went:
getting back with his g/f info and circumstances/current happenings
apologizing profusely/explaining himself
me reiterating how much it caught me off guard/how much it hurt/upset me/how it was such an asshole thing to do
him apologizing more
It ended with me saying it was good to finally find out what happened, and he said he was glad to be able to get it out there because he felt so horrible about it. He said he still really likes me and liked hanging out and all that and wanted to know if he could call me, and this is where I semi-took the opportunity to be a bit hostile. This is going to probably make me seem really lame, but I don't care. This is how I am...You can call me a pushover, or I prefer to think of myself as a very forgiving person who always gives people the benefit of the doubt. So me being a bit hostile was "I obviously think you're a great, interesting person and I 99% believe that you meant everything you just told me and that you're not full of shit, so this is your chance, if you say you are going to call me, call me. Within the next month say, if you call me that what will confirm that 1%. I know that is kind of lame, and I feel like that is such a stupid girl-like thing to do, but I mean you really fucking pulled the rug out from under me, and he was like "no, I totally understand and I will call you."
So that was that...it was way more deep than that but I can't remember it exactly because it happened at like 2 am and I was still tipsy and haven't gotten much sleep.
I pretty much believe him and it was obviously still an asshole thing that he did, but he seems genuinely sorry. And I meant what I said about him calling...if he actually calls and makes an effort towards being friends I will really belive that he is not full of shit and that I did mean something to him and that he really is sorry. I feel better about the whole situation now that I know what went into it, and barring this one really fucked up thing he really was an interesting, nice, great person with whom I really would like to remain friends and have in my life.
So we'll see...
In lighter matters:
I have been doing some cd shopping on ebay and won the Boney M album I referred to in the last entry, along with another boney m album (both on cd) for around 10 bucks I think. I also won the new audio bullys cd for $5 or so. So I am excited about that. I also ordered the velvet underground and nico cd used off of amazon. So...I am looking forward to getting all this new music in the mail.
I finished Harry Potter 5 yesterday. Frickin awesome!!! I wish 6 was out in paperback, but it is not!! I think I might have read somewhere that it is coming out in a few months, so maybe I will try to read some other books until then.
I guess that's about it...I am dogsitting for my boss in a couple of weeks from thursday-sunday, hte best part being that I get to stay at his west village pad during that time, and there happens to be a Tarantula concert that saturday night which my brother and his wife are going to try to come in for which will be sweet!! not to mention cd shopping and generic shopping which I have not done in the city since that day in december. I am so excited.