(no subject)
I am sitting here and I am close to tears. but that has become nothing new. it seems as though I am always close to tears now. with all my heart I wish I knew why.
when I look in the mirror at myself I see this sad girl. everything on her body is exactly the way it should be. Her makeup is flawless, her hair is perfect, her body is the right size, her breasts are the right proportion. she looks as though she has so much to look forward to in life. that she is so close to holding everything that she could ever want. yet her eyes are dark and there is a sadness to them that is unmistakable.
there is nothing about this girl staring back at me that is more special than any other girl that I could see. no reason for her to feel more than anyone, to internalize things the way she does. she should not feel anymore guilty than anyone else nor should she hate herself more than anyone else. yet, there is something.
maybe it's the lack of uniqueness. or that she knows she is no more special than any other person. but how she wouldn't give to feel special. to see in another's eyes that they cannot see anyone else but she. that they cannot think about anyone else when they are with her. that there is no need for comparisson to anyone else, becuase she is herself.
i feel like i want nothing, yet to a point i expect something more. i don't even know in what i expect more. maybe it's just life. I am stuck and I am frustrated that I cannot fix this feeling. something needs to change.
when I look in the mirror at myself I see this sad girl. everything on her body is exactly the way it should be. Her makeup is flawless, her hair is perfect, her body is the right size, her breasts are the right proportion. she looks as though she has so much to look forward to in life. that she is so close to holding everything that she could ever want. yet her eyes are dark and there is a sadness to them that is unmistakable.
there is nothing about this girl staring back at me that is more special than any other girl that I could see. no reason for her to feel more than anyone, to internalize things the way she does. she should not feel anymore guilty than anyone else nor should she hate herself more than anyone else. yet, there is something.
maybe it's the lack of uniqueness. or that she knows she is no more special than any other person. but how she wouldn't give to feel special. to see in another's eyes that they cannot see anyone else but she. that they cannot think about anyone else when they are with her. that there is no need for comparisson to anyone else, becuase she is herself.
i feel like i want nothing, yet to a point i expect something more. i don't even know in what i expect more. maybe it's just life. I am stuck and I am frustrated that I cannot fix this feeling. something needs to change.