and the tears wont stop coming.
i havent written lately. i havent wanted to put anything into words cuz its like if i did then it would all be true. but maybe if i didnt talk about it everything would go on fine.
my grandfather died yesterday. i found out today. he was only 65 and shouldnt have died. he wasnt sick he was in an accident and never awoke so noone could say goodbye. i dont know what to do. what can you do? i laid on the floor and cried my heart out but i realized the tears wouldnt end. jesus.
i leave for school on friday. and i dont even know if my loan money will be at the school by then. i hope to god it is.
it's hit me. im leaving. i'm leaving my family, my friends, and matt. and i have been positive about it for so long. telling everyone it would be okay. reassuring everyone that it wasnt bad. fighting with matt and telling him how much i care and not to worry. well you know what? i dont think its okay. i hate it. it's tearing me apart. but i have no one there telling me its okay josilyn everything will be alright. i can't be strong forever. there is only so much weight from other people i can hold on my back before i collapse.
i had a meltdown today. i hope to god it doesnt happen again.
i'm tired. i need sleep.
i'm suppose to work 10 hours tomorrow and then again sunday i think i might get sick. god.
i need a friend
my grandfather died yesterday. i found out today. he was only 65 and shouldnt have died. he wasnt sick he was in an accident and never awoke so noone could say goodbye. i dont know what to do. what can you do? i laid on the floor and cried my heart out but i realized the tears wouldnt end. jesus.
i leave for school on friday. and i dont even know if my loan money will be at the school by then. i hope to god it is.
it's hit me. im leaving. i'm leaving my family, my friends, and matt. and i have been positive about it for so long. telling everyone it would be okay. reassuring everyone that it wasnt bad. fighting with matt and telling him how much i care and not to worry. well you know what? i dont think its okay. i hate it. it's tearing me apart. but i have no one there telling me its okay josilyn everything will be alright. i can't be strong forever. there is only so much weight from other people i can hold on my back before i collapse.
i had a meltdown today. i hope to god it doesnt happen again.
i'm tired. i need sleep.
i'm suppose to work 10 hours tomorrow and then again sunday i think i might get sick. god.
i need a friend