If there's a TV special on the disorder, maybe it could be called "Straighten it like Beckham."

[gg_83]

The other day, something happened that made me think about an answer to the burning question that, well, hardly anybody is asking. But I'm going to answer it anyway.

Comments

[goofynerdk]

That is awesome! (Well, not you *having* OCD, but you gaining *control* over it.) Sometimes it's the victories in everyday life that are the *most* meaningful.

I totally hear you on hating thoughts that you *know* are illogical and stupid, but can't seem to shake. Something similar happens to me whenever I'm around people, particularly ones I don't know really well.

If you don't mind my asking, I'm a little curious: how long have you known you've had this? Is it a constant presence in your mind, or does it sort of ebb and flow?

I used to think I might have something like this, but I think my little rituals have much more to do with the fact that I can be selectively absent-minded. Basically, if I can't *clearly* remember locking the back door or putting my bank card back in my wallet or some such, I'll have to double back and recheck it. Since I'm on autopilot for so much of my daily routine, this means I end up with a lot of little things I can't remember doing.

Sorry; this has gotten to be too much about me. Let me just end by again congratulating you on having a good day with this thing. Huzzah!

[gg_83]

Thanks!

And in (lengthy) response to your questions:

Looking back at my childhood, I can see some things that may have been related to my OCD, like a rhyme I made up about the Mississippi River that I always said when we crossed a bridge over the river and had to finish before we reached the end of the bridge, or my always having to cut a heart shape from the surface of the peanut butter whenever I opened a new jar, but those were little rituals, not something that majorly interfered with my life. That's a primary diagnostic for if it's really obsessive-compulsive disorder vs just obsessive and/or compulsive characteristics. Quoting from the DSM-IV (according to the Internet), with OCD, the obsessions or compulsions "cause marked distress, are time consuming (take more than 1 hour a day), or significantly interfere with the person's normal routine, occupational/academic functioning, or usual social activities or relationships."

And that's exactly what happened in my freshman year of high school, over a dozen years ago now. I didn't know what was going on, only that I kept having to do these crazy things and I couldn't stop until they were right. It was an extremely stressful--at times, terrifying--period for both me and my family.

Finally being diagnosed was something of a relief, since at least there was a reason behind what was happening. I started taking medicine to help control it, and still do. That took ages to work out, since you have to build up a dose over time and then keep taking it for several weeks while you see if it's working. Then if it's not, you have to taper off the dosage and wait until it's cleared out of your system before trying a new medicine, gradually building up the dose of that one. I'm not thrilled with what I'm taking now, since I suspect it's having some not-so-great side effects, but I can't be sure if it's the medicine or just the way I naturally am, and I don't really want to have to go through the process of trying to switch, especially since I don't know if something else would work as effectively.

My OCD is always there, a part of me and of my mind, but not always oppressive or uncontrollable, and it's never been as bad again as it was in my freshman year of high school. It definitely ebbs and flows. There are some positive aspects, like a tendency for being thorough and often enjoying carefully ordering things (something you wouldn't suspect by looking at my messy room--it's not an equally applied force in all aspects of my life). It's a little like my nearsightedness, in that it is part of me and a part that can cause problems with my life, but with proper help I can overcome it. (It's not nearly as simple or straightforward as nearsightedness, though.)

(And as you can tell, it is something I knew about all through college. I kept feeling like I ought to tell you about it, but I never worked out how to bring it up. I've gotten somewhat less timid about telling people over time, but I'm still not completely comfortable bringing it up to start out with.)

[goofynerdk]

Gosh. That does sound, to use your word, "terrifying." Retroactive hugs to you for having to go through that. It's good to hear that it's going better now.