Stolen from Will but its the clearest memory ever.
Part I: A Cry For Help
Dalia wanted us to take her boyfriend home. But David received a phone call from one of her friends. It’s a junior named Nathaniel. Apparently some theater kids tagged his friends’ cars. So one day Nat and his friend’s loaded Super Soakers with piss and sprayed them down. This is how Nat got into this mess. They ended up tagging his car, and then his house window with such things as “Nat sucks” and other gay shit like that. Nat didn’t even bother to read it as he cleaned it up.
Nat wanted us to help him with a prank to get them back. His girlfriend managed to gather them all up and have them spend the night at her house. Nat’s plan was to do something to their tires, like remove them or switch them. However we had different plans. Kevin, David, and I agreed to help.
We took Dalia’s boyfriend home. He lives near Nat, so we then met up with him. We joked around about what we really wanted to do. After that we followed Nat’s Saturn to his girlfriend’s house to further discuss plans and to assess our targets.
Part II: The First Hit
We found our targets. It was a Pathfinder and an old Camry. A girl owns the Pathfinder, and a guy owns the Camry. They both had their passenger sides facing the house. The drive way to the house that they were in split the two cars. Lights were on in the house. Other houses had their lights on, so we had to be careful of them as well. However Nat assured us that he knew these people and would be lenient to a prank in action. Nat parked his car at some community building nearby.
After the evaluation of circumstances we decided to go through with our first strike. We knew this wouldn’t be all that we would do, this was too simple and weak. Nat called his girlfriend to try and get her to keep them away from the windows. She was being a moron though and would say things that would alert them. She was saying things like “Yeah they are here.” Or “Where are you?”
I told Nat to tell her he was taking a shit. And that he would call her when he was done. This was actually the “signal” that we would use to let her know we did something and we were out. They were all singing opera songs. What n00basses.
So we moved up to the Pathfinder. We tried to see if the doors were unlocked. No luck. We then moved up to the Camry. Doors were locked as well. We had to yet divert our plans again. Kevin unzipped his pants and started peeing in the little groove between the windshield and the hood. David moved back and started peeing in the same manner on the Pathfinder. The Pathfinder was much taller, but David was standing on the curb.
I made my way back to the Pathfinder to put my share in. I went on the opposite side of David, but I had a hard time since I didn’t have a height boost. I didn’t want to angle anything and have the wind make me spray myself. So I just started peeing on the door and their handles. I began strafing and peeing all over three quarters of the car. I did most of my damage onto the back door since it had so much surface area.
Nat didn’t have anything to contribute. So we headed back to the Protege.
Part III: Getting Our Shit Together
We began heading back to my apartment for materials. On the way there Nat called his girlfriend to let her know we were out of the area. We told Nat to tell her to get the doors unlocked somehow. She was pretty reluctant. She wasn’t sure what we were going to be doing. So David grabbed the phone.
“What are you wearing?” She giggles forever and David has to yell at her to get her to listen. David then convinces her to get the keys and unlock the car doors for us without them knowing. She agrees. Then she starts asking what we are going to do. She mentions something about putting a bunch of balloons in their car. David says that’s a great idea and says we are going to Wal-Mart to buy some now. After he gets of the phone, we all remark at how lame that was. We totally aren’t going to put balloons in a car. Kevin states how “hard” it would be for them to just knock the balloons out.
So we are back at my apartment. We have to start drinking a lot for our next round of piss. I tell everyone to eat bananas, because bananas are the shit. We also get some white shoe polish that people use to write things on their cars. We get toilet paper and the Power Ranger action figure that Chris found a long time ago.
David sees all of the cereal boxes that are collecting dust atop my refrigerator. We all agree that I need to clean my apartment up a little bit. So we get a trash bag and start dumping cereal into it. We end up emptying out like ten cereal boxes. My mom had given me loads of cereal a while ago and I never happened to eat it. One of the cereals was a box that Reanna had bought a long time ago. We all bust out laughing when I told them that.
Next I went through my refrigerator. We then added old salmon, steak that expired a year ago and still had the expiration label on it, old brown limes that were thrown at me during New Years, lemon pepper sauce from last summer, tuna with mayonnaise, Hot Pocket pot pies, frozen asparagus, frozen peas and lima beans that came out as one big frozen clump, and some vegetable oil for a bit of flavor. We had to triple bag all this because it was so heavy.
We then headed back to the scene.
Part IV: Returning To The Shit
We parked in the same spot. David got a Wal-Mart bag and went into a random guys backyard near us. The fence happened to be fallen down so we all we had to do was walk in. I could see a light on inside this house, but I would pay attention to what I could see inside in case something happened.
David started pooping in the bag. It took him a while but he got it done. I had to hand him the toilet paper because he was a n00bass and forgot to take it with him. After he was done I did my thing. I nearly bust out laughing the whole time. I was in a random guy’s backyard… taking a shit… because his fence had fallen down. I finished up, and Kevin took his dump too. Nat didn’t have anything to add.
So as we were making our way back to our targets, David is holding the bag of feces. He soon quietly yells out:
“You assholes! You shit on the side of the bag!” Kevin had to put down the big bag of food to laugh.
We continue moving towards our targets. We try to open the Pathfinder from the driver side. The doors are locked. We get frustrated but then we try the rear passenger side and our insider has proved useful. Kevin climbs in and opens the driver side rear door so we can avoid any detection from the house.
Nat starts tagging the car with the shoe polish. He writes “The moon rules #1” on the back window. I scold him for using the word “The” instead of “Da”. Kevin is handed the bag of doo doo. We all hear a noise and David and Nat run back because they think someone is coming. I stay by the Pathfinder because Kevin is still in it. I peek my head about to see if there is anything coming our way. I don’t see anything and motion to the others it’s okay.
Kevin opens the glove compartment and moves half of the books and papers out into the slot of the seat. He then starts dumping all of the crap into the glove compartment. Kevin starts hurries the hell up because it smells so bad. He manages to get everything out of the bag and into the glove compartment with success. He finds a brush and leaves it in there so the poo poo can mesh into it. Kevin closes the compartment. The outside is clean and is unsuspecting.
Part V: Wrapping Shit Up
We return to our spot to discuss the next target. Kevin explains to us that the turds looked like sushi because they seemed to have been rolled by the toilet paper.
Kevin gives out orders for the next move. I supplement them to make sure everyone knows what to do. David and I move out towards the Camry. David reaches the Camry first and I grab the bag of food and meet up with him. The same door is unlocked on the Camry so we have to execute the same procedure to avoid detection. David takes the bag and starts unloading it onto the back carpet. The pile is so big it reaches the seats.
Meanwhile Kevin is tagging the Pathfinder some more with words like “h4x”, “n00bass”, “n00bx” and “body massage”. David finishes and exits the vehicle and returns to the others who are waiting by the Pathfinder. I stay by the Camry to keep watch. I motion to Nat to bring the polish with him when he sneaks over so I can tag the Camry. They all come over. I start tagging the Camry with the same phrase. Kevin tags a lot too but I cannot remember what he writes. Nat gets into the drive seat and starts pissing in it. I take off the hub cap and we put it on the drive seat. We finish up our tagging and we make our run back to rendezvous. David places the Power Ranger in posing position onto the windshield in front of the driver seat. As we run back I get the polish again and run back to the Pathfinder. I need to tag one more thing onto it but I don’t know what. I write the first thing that comes to my mind.
Part VI: Mission Complete
We return Nat to his car and we send our salutations. We tell him if they retaliate, we will be there to whoop their asses. This was like Japan fucking Pearl Harbor up. We basically NUKED them.
On the way back to my apartment Nat’s girlfriend calls David to ask what we did. David lies and says the doors were locked. She said that she unlocked the back door and we pretended like we only tried the front doors. This would make them think that all that happened was that their cars got tagged.
The Camry got hit pretty hard. I’m sure it will stink and be hard to clean. Quang’s car had milk in it once and it stunk forever even after he cleaned it numerous times. But ironically, the Pathfinder looks untouched except for the tagging and the Power Ranger. However the Pathfinder was our trophy. Every time we think about what their expressions will be, we just laugh. At the last second I had written “Semper Fi” I think it was kind of lame to write on there now that I think about it. But what I meant by it was we would faithfully come back and whoop your ass if you retaliated again.
So David asks what they are doing. She says they are dissecting beavers.
“I’ll dissect your beaver!” David hangs up.
Dalia wanted us to take her boyfriend home. But David received a phone call from one of her friends. It’s a junior named Nathaniel. Apparently some theater kids tagged his friends’ cars. So one day Nat and his friend’s loaded Super Soakers with piss and sprayed them down. This is how Nat got into this mess. They ended up tagging his car, and then his house window with such things as “Nat sucks” and other gay shit like that. Nat didn’t even bother to read it as he cleaned it up.
Nat wanted us to help him with a prank to get them back. His girlfriend managed to gather them all up and have them spend the night at her house. Nat’s plan was to do something to their tires, like remove them or switch them. However we had different plans. Kevin, David, and I agreed to help.
We took Dalia’s boyfriend home. He lives near Nat, so we then met up with him. We joked around about what we really wanted to do. After that we followed Nat’s Saturn to his girlfriend’s house to further discuss plans and to assess our targets.
Part II: The First Hit
We found our targets. It was a Pathfinder and an old Camry. A girl owns the Pathfinder, and a guy owns the Camry. They both had their passenger sides facing the house. The drive way to the house that they were in split the two cars. Lights were on in the house. Other houses had their lights on, so we had to be careful of them as well. However Nat assured us that he knew these people and would be lenient to a prank in action. Nat parked his car at some community building nearby.
After the evaluation of circumstances we decided to go through with our first strike. We knew this wouldn’t be all that we would do, this was too simple and weak. Nat called his girlfriend to try and get her to keep them away from the windows. She was being a moron though and would say things that would alert them. She was saying things like “Yeah they are here.” Or “Where are you?”
I told Nat to tell her he was taking a shit. And that he would call her when he was done. This was actually the “signal” that we would use to let her know we did something and we were out. They were all singing opera songs. What n00basses.
So we moved up to the Pathfinder. We tried to see if the doors were unlocked. No luck. We then moved up to the Camry. Doors were locked as well. We had to yet divert our plans again. Kevin unzipped his pants and started peeing in the little groove between the windshield and the hood. David moved back and started peeing in the same manner on the Pathfinder. The Pathfinder was much taller, but David was standing on the curb.
I made my way back to the Pathfinder to put my share in. I went on the opposite side of David, but I had a hard time since I didn’t have a height boost. I didn’t want to angle anything and have the wind make me spray myself. So I just started peeing on the door and their handles. I began strafing and peeing all over three quarters of the car. I did most of my damage onto the back door since it had so much surface area.
Nat didn’t have anything to contribute. So we headed back to the Protege.
Part III: Getting Our Shit Together
We began heading back to my apartment for materials. On the way there Nat called his girlfriend to let her know we were out of the area. We told Nat to tell her to get the doors unlocked somehow. She was pretty reluctant. She wasn’t sure what we were going to be doing. So David grabbed the phone.
“What are you wearing?” She giggles forever and David has to yell at her to get her to listen. David then convinces her to get the keys and unlock the car doors for us without them knowing. She agrees. Then she starts asking what we are going to do. She mentions something about putting a bunch of balloons in their car. David says that’s a great idea and says we are going to Wal-Mart to buy some now. After he gets of the phone, we all remark at how lame that was. We totally aren’t going to put balloons in a car. Kevin states how “hard” it would be for them to just knock the balloons out.
So we are back at my apartment. We have to start drinking a lot for our next round of piss. I tell everyone to eat bananas, because bananas are the shit. We also get some white shoe polish that people use to write things on their cars. We get toilet paper and the Power Ranger action figure that Chris found a long time ago.
David sees all of the cereal boxes that are collecting dust atop my refrigerator. We all agree that I need to clean my apartment up a little bit. So we get a trash bag and start dumping cereal into it. We end up emptying out like ten cereal boxes. My mom had given me loads of cereal a while ago and I never happened to eat it. One of the cereals was a box that Reanna had bought a long time ago. We all bust out laughing when I told them that.
Next I went through my refrigerator. We then added old salmon, steak that expired a year ago and still had the expiration label on it, old brown limes that were thrown at me during New Years, lemon pepper sauce from last summer, tuna with mayonnaise, Hot Pocket pot pies, frozen asparagus, frozen peas and lima beans that came out as one big frozen clump, and some vegetable oil for a bit of flavor. We had to triple bag all this because it was so heavy.
We then headed back to the scene.
Part IV: Returning To The Shit
We parked in the same spot. David got a Wal-Mart bag and went into a random guys backyard near us. The fence happened to be fallen down so we all we had to do was walk in. I could see a light on inside this house, but I would pay attention to what I could see inside in case something happened.
David started pooping in the bag. It took him a while but he got it done. I had to hand him the toilet paper because he was a n00bass and forgot to take it with him. After he was done I did my thing. I nearly bust out laughing the whole time. I was in a random guy’s backyard… taking a shit… because his fence had fallen down. I finished up, and Kevin took his dump too. Nat didn’t have anything to add.
So as we were making our way back to our targets, David is holding the bag of feces. He soon quietly yells out:
“You assholes! You shit on the side of the bag!” Kevin had to put down the big bag of food to laugh.
We continue moving towards our targets. We try to open the Pathfinder from the driver side. The doors are locked. We get frustrated but then we try the rear passenger side and our insider has proved useful. Kevin climbs in and opens the driver side rear door so we can avoid any detection from the house.
Nat starts tagging the car with the shoe polish. He writes “The moon rules #1” on the back window. I scold him for using the word “The” instead of “Da”. Kevin is handed the bag of doo doo. We all hear a noise and David and Nat run back because they think someone is coming. I stay by the Pathfinder because Kevin is still in it. I peek my head about to see if there is anything coming our way. I don’t see anything and motion to the others it’s okay.
Kevin opens the glove compartment and moves half of the books and papers out into the slot of the seat. He then starts dumping all of the crap into the glove compartment. Kevin starts hurries the hell up because it smells so bad. He manages to get everything out of the bag and into the glove compartment with success. He finds a brush and leaves it in there so the poo poo can mesh into it. Kevin closes the compartment. The outside is clean and is unsuspecting.
Part V: Wrapping Shit Up
We return to our spot to discuss the next target. Kevin explains to us that the turds looked like sushi because they seemed to have been rolled by the toilet paper.
Kevin gives out orders for the next move. I supplement them to make sure everyone knows what to do. David and I move out towards the Camry. David reaches the Camry first and I grab the bag of food and meet up with him. The same door is unlocked on the Camry so we have to execute the same procedure to avoid detection. David takes the bag and starts unloading it onto the back carpet. The pile is so big it reaches the seats.
Meanwhile Kevin is tagging the Pathfinder some more with words like “h4x”, “n00bass”, “n00bx” and “body massage”. David finishes and exits the vehicle and returns to the others who are waiting by the Pathfinder. I stay by the Camry to keep watch. I motion to Nat to bring the polish with him when he sneaks over so I can tag the Camry. They all come over. I start tagging the Camry with the same phrase. Kevin tags a lot too but I cannot remember what he writes. Nat gets into the drive seat and starts pissing in it. I take off the hub cap and we put it on the drive seat. We finish up our tagging and we make our run back to rendezvous. David places the Power Ranger in posing position onto the windshield in front of the driver seat. As we run back I get the polish again and run back to the Pathfinder. I need to tag one more thing onto it but I don’t know what. I write the first thing that comes to my mind.
Part VI: Mission Complete
We return Nat to his car and we send our salutations. We tell him if they retaliate, we will be there to whoop their asses. This was like Japan fucking Pearl Harbor up. We basically NUKED them.
On the way back to my apartment Nat’s girlfriend calls David to ask what we did. David lies and says the doors were locked. She said that she unlocked the back door and we pretended like we only tried the front doors. This would make them think that all that happened was that their cars got tagged.
The Camry got hit pretty hard. I’m sure it will stink and be hard to clean. Quang’s car had milk in it once and it stunk forever even after he cleaned it numerous times. But ironically, the Pathfinder looks untouched except for the tagging and the Power Ranger. However the Pathfinder was our trophy. Every time we think about what their expressions will be, we just laugh. At the last second I had written “Semper Fi” I think it was kind of lame to write on there now that I think about it. But what I meant by it was we would faithfully come back and whoop your ass if you retaliated again.
So David asks what they are doing. She says they are dissecting beavers.
“I’ll dissect your beaver!” David hangs up.