Who knew?
So I was watching one of my favorite ridiculous movies, Exit to Eden with Rosie O'Donnell, and then realized that it actually spoke to my inability to be intimate and generally avoidant relationship style. For those who don't know the movie, the premise of the movie is a crime mystery that leads 2 cops to a BDSM island. The Mistress in charge became a dominatrix in order to deal with her previous victimhood. When in control of another she feels safe and secure, but eventually was forced by a submissive who falls in love with her to learn to be secure when not in control. This is essentially what I must do. Not necessarily within the context of love, but just in being able to have dating/sexual relationships. Scary when something called Exit to Eden actaully applies to real life.
I have begun to take aikido training and have found so far that it does not come naturally to me, my instructor thinks my technique is "interesting" (but swears up and down it isn't wrong) and that i can't wait to have my second day of training this wednesday. I do have to admit, it does a number on my legs, but I shall hopefully become accustomed.
My classes are fine...as in not exciting but not mind numbing either. My women's health professor is from Liberia and so has a very new perspective, which i quite enjoy, especially since her command of english allows me to understand what she is saying. I noticed that not everyone in my class does understad her owever, so i may actually be just more attuned to accents. It is amazing the tie-ins so far between my addiction class and this health class. Both tend to lean on similar feminist analysis on the macrosocial level, which i very much appreciate. Based on the field i am hoping to go into, both classes shoudl prove very useful.
Th job hunt continues. I have been emailing back and forth with a woman from Founders and COAFF. She wants to groom me to take over her position come this late summer or fall. It would not earn me much money...certainly not enough for a car payment or insurance. This is disheartening because it is very much what I would like to be doing for the next 2-3 years. I am hoping that I can negotiate for more than 100 dollars an hour and possibly finagle a way to still haev health insurance through my 'rents, as this job does not provide such services. I do however have other job options, some that are possibly more lucrative and less satisfying, and some that are more satisfying and who knows whether or not i can live on those earnings.
I have to admit, i am rather worried about the next few years. will i be able to save money or will i be living paycheck to paycheck without any kind of safety net? Most likely I will not be able to save money, which really is discouraging. I realize that to expect to not be saving money is much more realistic based on the field(s) i am interested in, but that does not make it any less daunting.
It would seem that my mind is running in a million directions lately, with everything going on and all the pending changes occurring shortly. i just hope that i can focus my attention and not get bogged down, as i tend to let myself in the face of change. I also hope that i can sleep through it. I spent the other night wondering about so many things that i ended up sleeping through my plans and still ended up with about 4 hours of sleep. I have to try very hard to not to resort to self-medicating. I have kicked the caffeine habit but seem to be inclined towards having a drink before bed to settle down. Damn this medicated society and all of it's pill pushing, symptom repression, ignorance of the true societal diseases that plague us!
I have begun to take aikido training and have found so far that it does not come naturally to me, my instructor thinks my technique is "interesting" (but swears up and down it isn't wrong) and that i can't wait to have my second day of training this wednesday. I do have to admit, it does a number on my legs, but I shall hopefully become accustomed.
My classes are fine...as in not exciting but not mind numbing either. My women's health professor is from Liberia and so has a very new perspective, which i quite enjoy, especially since her command of english allows me to understand what she is saying. I noticed that not everyone in my class does understad her owever, so i may actually be just more attuned to accents. It is amazing the tie-ins so far between my addiction class and this health class. Both tend to lean on similar feminist analysis on the macrosocial level, which i very much appreciate. Based on the field i am hoping to go into, both classes shoudl prove very useful.
Th job hunt continues. I have been emailing back and forth with a woman from Founders and COAFF. She wants to groom me to take over her position come this late summer or fall. It would not earn me much money...certainly not enough for a car payment or insurance. This is disheartening because it is very much what I would like to be doing for the next 2-3 years. I am hoping that I can negotiate for more than 100 dollars an hour and possibly finagle a way to still haev health insurance through my 'rents, as this job does not provide such services. I do however have other job options, some that are possibly more lucrative and less satisfying, and some that are more satisfying and who knows whether or not i can live on those earnings.
I have to admit, i am rather worried about the next few years. will i be able to save money or will i be living paycheck to paycheck without any kind of safety net? Most likely I will not be able to save money, which really is discouraging. I realize that to expect to not be saving money is much more realistic based on the field(s) i am interested in, but that does not make it any less daunting.
It would seem that my mind is running in a million directions lately, with everything going on and all the pending changes occurring shortly. i just hope that i can focus my attention and not get bogged down, as i tend to let myself in the face of change. I also hope that i can sleep through it. I spent the other night wondering about so many things that i ended up sleeping through my plans and still ended up with about 4 hours of sleep. I have to try very hard to not to resort to self-medicating. I have kicked the caffeine habit but seem to be inclined towards having a drink before bed to settle down. Damn this medicated society and all of it's pill pushing, symptom repression, ignorance of the true societal diseases that plague us!