In Search of Remembrance ~ Part 2a ~ Searching for Answers

[gfeather]

Searching For Answers

Ealdor, 570 AD

An urgent voice hissing in his ear and rough shaking woke him. “Merlin, wake up! You’re doing it again!”

As he slowly came awake, the hands at his shoulders continued their shaking until there was a loud clatter about him and the shaking abruptly ended. Blinking his eyes sleepily, he looked up to see his mother’s worried face and slight shaking of her head. She smiled at him ruefully. “That’s four days in a row, Merlin, and three more times just last week. It’s getting worse.”

He sat up and looked around at the few pieces of furniture they owned that were shifted from their normal places. The bench at the table was lying on its side and the tools from the fireplace were scattered across the floor. He had been levitating things in his sleep again. This always worried his mother, though he hadn’t actually broken anything in his sleep in years. He frowned at the mess and offered a weak, “Sorry.”

Hunith shook her head at him. “There’s not much point in apologising. I know you don’t do it on purpose and it has been a while since you’ve broken anything. I am worried, though. Someone could easily have come in here and seen this.”

“I’m trying to control it,” Merlin said in exasperation, standing up and gesturing to the mess in the room, “but this is what happens when I’m trying not to use magic, and you asked me, no begged me, to try. It builds up when I don’t use it. It has to get out somehow.”

His mother rested a gentle hand on his shoulder and he was instantly soothed. She had the uncanny ability to calm him whenever he was rattled, despite looking rather shaken herself. She pulled him down into a comforting hug and mumbled in his ear, “I know. I don’t understand it all, but I know you mean well and are trying. I just feel badly that there isn’t more I can do to help you.”

When she released him, he could see her eyes shining in the grey morning light and he turned away to right the fallen bench. “Don’t feel badly. There isn’t anyone who can help me.”

There was a heavy silence between them as Merlin set about returning moved objects back to their rightful places in their home. His mother watched him for a long moment, then slipped outside with a bucket to fetch water for cooking. He knelt by the fireplace and used his magic to prod the coals back to life, adding a couple logs and noting he would need to fetch more wood today. That made him smile a bit. Felling and chopping wood was something he was actually good at and his mother didn’t complain too much about the fact he did it entirely with magic. Hopefully he would use enough magic to gain a few nights free of sleep-levitating. He might even take Will along for a bit of a laugh. His best friend was still so thrilled to see every little thing he could do with his magic and it was nice to share it with someone who wasn’t utterly terrified that he would reveal his secret to the village at large. Saying his mother was less than impressed when she found out Will knew about the magic was the understatement of his life, but after six months without so much as an odd glance Merlin’s way, she had relaxed slightly about him knowing.

Merlin started slightly when the door opened and his mother came in with the heavy bucket of water, but knew better than to attempt to assist her. He was ridiculously clumsy, and most of the time his attempts to help with these sorts of things met with disaster and the need to visit the well again. She smiled at him distractedly, and began fussing over breakfast. It was early spring, and they were still relying on their dwindling winter stores before the gardens started to produce fresh vegetables. However, the grain harvest had been good last fall and an early winter storm had kept any raiders from stealing it, so they did not lack for food, only variety.

He found the anticipation of spring harder in many ways than the cold, harsh monotony of winter. The earth was coming awake and bursting with new life, but it was a season of preparation and waiting. Sometimes, when the brambles along the edge of the forest were far enough along, he would use his magic to give them a bit of a nudge and eat blackberries by the handful long before they would ripen on their own. His mother always gave him a pointed look when she saw the purple stains on his fingers, but smiled all the same when he left a neckerchief filled with berries for her on the table.

The house was mostly to rights by the time Hunith set a steaming bowl of porridge on the table for him. She sat down across the table with her own bowl, but did not move to eat. She looked at him contemplatively for a long while, and then broke the silence. “There might be someone who could help you.”

Merlin jerked his head up and gaped at his mother. “What? Who?”

Her brow furrowed and she spoke slowly, reluctantly. “I have a cousin, Gaius, who once studied magic. It was a long time ago, but he would certainly know more about it than I do. Perhaps if you were to go to him, he could teach you how to control your powers.”

He dropped his spoon on the table with a clatter and gripped the edge of it, shaking slightly. “I don’t want to just control them, mother, I want to use them. What is the point of being able to use magic if all I ever do is try to hide it? I could help the village grow enough crops that no one would ever have to go hungry. I could make every roof here leak proof and every wall draft free. I could stop bandits from ever entering our homes. I’m sure I could do all sorts of other things, useful things, too if I only knew how. Instead I do none of those things. My magic is wasted if I never use it. It’s the only thing I’m actually good at and I want to be able to do good things with it, not just hide it.”

Merlin let go of the table and turned away, staring at the dirt floor and trying to get his shaking under control. He needed to spend some time gathering firewood. It would do a lot to soothe the roiling waves of magic he was trying desperately to contain. He loved his mother dearly, and knew she was trying her best to understand him, but she didn’t have the tiniest flicker of magic in her and had no idea how difficult it was to master the power and not let the power master him. It was times like this he really wished he knew about his father. Perhaps he had possessed the same powerful waves of magic and could have taught him how to tame the wildness that fought to escape.

“Gaius will understand much better much better than I ever could. He is a very kind, intelligent and patient man. I think he will be a good teacher,” his mother said gently, sitting beside him on the bench and pulling his head down to her shoulder.

His breathing calmed as she stroked his hair and the tremors began to subside. “Where does he live? Why have I never met him before?”

“He is the Court Physician of Camelot. I haven’t seen him since I was twelve or so, but we have had the odd correspondence over the years,” she explained.

“Camelot? That’s an interesting choice for a sorcerer.”

“He was always more of a scientist than a magician and above all a scholar. He agreed to stop studying magic when King Uther first banned sorcery in his kingdom. I worry about you going to Camelot and I know he isn’t as powerful as you, but he has studied a great deal and is learned in many things. I had hoped you would find a way to manage on your own, which is why I did not mention him before now, but if you wish to go, if you think it’s worth the risk, Gaius is someone I trust who might help you.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll manage.”

“I can’t just leave you here on your own.”

“I won’t be on my own. There is a whole village to help me if I need it, and I’m hardly helpless, Merlin.”

“But-”

“-If the only thing stopping you from going is concern for me, then I will toss you out on your ear and make you go, but there is more to consider than that. Camelot is a dangerous place for you to visit, even for a short time. Think about it for a while.”

He let his mother stroke his hair and hold him a little longer before pulling away and returning to his stone cold breakfast. His eyes flashed golden for a moment and steam rose from their bowls again. After a couple tasteless mouthfuls, he set down his spoon and stood. “I’m going to get some more wood. The pile is nearly gone.”

“Make sure you at least bring an axe with you,” she said, sounding close her normal tone of teasing exasperation.

He did his best to grin back at her in his usual cheeky manner. “Of course.”

Merlin retrieved the axe from next to the woodpile and disappeared out the door, deep in thought.


“Just what are you trying to do with that axe, Merlin?” a voice called from behind him.

He swung wide with the axe and lost his grip on it, sending it sailing into the trees. Merlin spun around to see the grinning face of his best, really his only, friend. “I should think that obvious Will. I’m splitting firewood.”

Will shook his head and chuckled. “Splitting your foot, more likely. You and I both know your history with sharp implements isn’t very good.”

Merlin cast his friend a mutinous glare. “You’d think your entire supply of firewood last winter hadn’t come from me, the way you’re talking.”

“True, but then you weren’t pretending to use and axe to chop it. Why are you chopping wood the hard way?” Will asked, his laughter trailing off. “Did you have another argument with your mum?”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because every time there’s a disagreement between the two of you, you make a big production of being ‘normal’ for a few days. What was it this time?”

Merlin sighed heavily and sat down on the stump he’d been using as a splitting block. “I’ve been floating things in my sleep.”

“Again?”

“Four nights in a row and three last week. She’s worried someone’s going to walk in and see something.”

Will’s eyes widened. “No wonder. You haven’t had problems like that for a while.”

Merlin shook his head in response. “Not since before I told you. When I started using my magic more, it became a bit easier to control.”

“And attempting to chop wood by hand helps this, how?”

“It doesn’t, I suppose. I guess I’m just a bit rattled.”

“I’ll keep watch while you work, if it makes you feel better.”

“Ha. You just want me to refill your woodpile.”

“Well, if you’re offering.”

“Lazy twit,” Merlin jibed, but rose from the stump and began floating logs towards the small pile he had already made, breaking them into manageable pieces with a flick of his fingers. It felt good to set a task for his magic and the jumpy feeling he had felt all morning dissipated somewhat.

It didn’t take long for him to cut, split and stack a sizeable quantity of wood into a tidy pile. Will retrieved the axe Merlin had sent flying into the trees and set it down beside the chopping block. He then sauntered over to lean against a tree and rather lackadaisically kept half an eye out for people approaching.

When Merlin looked up from his work, his eyes swirled from gold back to blue and he smiled at his friend. “Thanks.”

“Feel better?”

“Yeah, actually I do. Don’t let that give you any ideas, though. I’m not going to do all your work for you.”

“You never do. You’re no fun.”

“And you are a lazy arse,” Merlin declared, giving Will a small shove.

Will affected an exaggeratedly betrayed look. “You wound me. I am your ever vigilant lookout.”

“Arse,” Merlin returned, and then gestured over his shoulder, “Come on.”

Together they ducked and wove through the undergrowth towards a circle of trees they often visited. Though it was still spring, the day had warmed considerably, and the shade of the vibrant new leaves was welcome. Will flopped down on a mossy log and Merlin lay back in his favourite spot against a sizeable oak tree.

They didn’t talk for a long while, just enjoying the quiet of the shady grove, disturbed occasionally by birdsong and the chatter of squirrels. After a time, Merlin broke the silence. “Did you know my mother has a cousin?”

“What? I thought you had no other family.”

“So did I, until this morning.”

“Who is this, until now unheard of, cousin?”

“His name is Gaius. Apparently he is the court physician at Camelot.”

“Sounds impressive, I guess.”

“Yeah, and apparently he used to study magic, before it was banned.”

Will looked at him disbelievingly, “Uther Pendragon’s court physician is a sorcerer? Are you sure he isn’t someone your mother made up?”

Merlin shook his head. “I doubt that. She’s suggested I go to him and see if he’ll teach me how to get control of my magic.”

“You? Go to Camelot? That’s madness.”

“Perhaps,” Merlin said quietly.

“And you’ve decided to go, haven’t you?”

“No! Yes... maybe. I don’t know. What’ll Mum do without me here to help her?”

“Forget your mother, what’ll you do if you’re caught?”

“I’m serious, Will. If I leave, she’ll be all alone.”

“With an entire village that has helped her since you were a baby. Really, I think that is the smallest concern you should have with the whole idea. What are you going to do in Camelot?”

“Become an apprentice under Gaius, I suppose. That seems to be my mother’s plan.”

“And you’re going to go along with it,” Will said in a resigned voice.

Merlin stood from his resting place and began pacing around the grove. “I don’t know what else to do, Will. I know you try to understand, and believe me, that means the world to me, but you don’t know what it’s like. A lot of the time it’s just a hum under my skin, but sometimes it feels like a whirlwind tearing me apart from the inside. Sometimes I think my magic is going to rip me apart and everything and everyone around me too.

“I don’t like the idea of venturing into the heart of persecution of magic, but let’s be honest; it’s not exactly condoned here, either. I’ve had to hide what I can do my entire life. It would be nice to actually meet someone who might be able to help me. I know I can do more than chop wood and play silly pranks on old Simmons. I have to believe there’s a reason I am the way I am, some purpose for it. Perhaps this Gaius fellow will have some idea of what it could be.”

Will rose to stand beside Merlin and stopped his pacing with a hand on his shoulder. “Perhaps. I still don’t think you should go.”

Merlin met his friend’s eyes, unblinkingly. “Don’t think I should go, or don’t want me to go?”

“Either. Both,” Will said with a shrug. “It doesn’t really matter, though. I can tell you’ve already decided. You just haven’t admitted it to yourself yet.”

“It’s not that I want to leave here.”

“You’re going to have to work harder at staying out of trouble, especially without me around to stand watch.”

“Would you look out for my mother? Give her a hand when she needs it?”

“Of course. You don’t even have to ask.”

“You’re a true friend, Will. I’d have gone mad without you.”

“I hate to break it to you, Merlin, but you are a bit mad. It’s going to be dull around here with you gone.”

“I’ll miss you too,” Merlin said, slinging an arm around Will’s shoulders.

Will elbowed him lightly in the ribs. “You’re a sap. Come on. There’s a giant stack of wood to bring back.”

“Which you didn’t lift a finger to help with.”

“My fingers aren’t as talented as yours. Can you do that trick you did last time where you made everything feather light for us to carry?”

“You are going to realize just how spoilt you’ve been having me around to magic your life easier.”

“I’m sure I will,” his friend said, a hint of sadness seeming to colour his voice, but the grin on Will’s face remained and Merlin chose to let it go.

They jostled each other good naturedly on the way back to the woodpile and set about carrying it down to the village.



Merlin paused on the road when the city of Camelot came into view. He was momentarily overwhelmed by the feeling he had been there before. It must all be in his head, as he had never been more than ten miles from Ealdor in his life. The feeling of familiarity was strong, however, and he hoped that if it meant nothing else, it at least meant he had made the right decision in coming here. The castle was the largest building he had ever seen and his mother had said a few thousand people lived there. The scale of everything seemed so large and he wondered if he mightn’t get lost in the crowd completely... which would be a good thing, he supposed, all things considered.

The gates in the city walls were open wide, allowing a steady stream of traffic in and out of the lower town. The walls here were not as high as those around the castle itself, but he couldn’t help but stare up at them, impressed. There were four men dressed in the red livery of Camelot standing watch at the gate and observing the flow of people with ill concealed disinterest. Merlin gaped at his surroundings like a landed fish, but his attention was drawn quickly by the sound of angry dogs fighting. He whipped his head around to find... nothing. There were no dogs, only a group of children rolling barrel hoops in the street, laughing and shrieking with delight. Shaking his head to clear it, he glanced around a second time, and, spotting no dogs, began working his way through the crowded streets towards the castle.

Being who he was, it really shouldn’t have surprised Merlin all that much that he got completely turned around in the largest crowd of people he had ever been in and had become lost. He ended up ducking into an alley to get away from the press of people and find his bearings. When he looked around once again he was again struck by a feeling of familiarity. After a moment’s pause, he walked up the alley and followed several twists and turns with confidence before popping out directly in front of the castle gates. He was startled, and looked back at the alley in confusion, but before he could think on it he heard horns blaring from the courtyard beyond the gates and saw a large crowd gathered. Once again shaking away the odd feeling, he passed through to have a closer look at what was going on.

He wished he hadn’t been so curious. The crowd was gathered round a raised platform in the courtyard, assembled to watch a man lose his head... for the crime of sorcery. His ears were filled with the throbbing roar of his own pulse as the king signalled the headsman and the blade fell. However, he heard the sickening thud it made as it sliced through bone and sinew and stuck into the block with perfect clarity. He shuddered at the sight of crimson blood staining the rough wood of the platform and was certain he would have nightmares of this moment. Doubt flashed through his mind. What had he been thinking, coming here?

The mother of the man railed at King Uther as the crowd dispersed, people backing away from her fearfully as if proximity might imply complicity. When the woman disappeared in a swirl of wind, everyone rushed to get away from the place where magic had been performed, yet no one seemed in the least disturbed by the headless body slumped to the side of the block. Uniformed men picked up the body and roughly heaved it into a cart, tossing the head, which had rolled off the platform and onto the ground, in beside it as one might do with a stone while preparing a field for ploughing. The men were expressionless as they performed this task and began to drag the cart away from the square. Merlin shivered again and ducked into the first door he found, breathing rapidly and fighting down the bile that threatened to rise in his throat.

By some stroke of good fortune, he happened to find himself relatively close to the Physician’s quarters. The nervous shaking of his limbs eased somewhat with the courtyard out of sight and the dim light of the cool stone corridors was strangely soothing. He came to a door standing slightly ajar, pungent odours and odd bubbling noises emanating from within, and knocked on the doorjamb. A faint voice from within bade him enter, and he found himself once again overwhelmed by a sense of familiarity. The beakers and jars of colourful liquids were unlike anything he had ever seen, yet it was as if their properties and uses were somewhere at the back of his mind, just out of reach. He looked around for a few moments, trying to make sense of his swirling thoughts, but it was like trying to hold onto a handful of sand; the tighter you grasp, the faster it slips through your fingers.

The owner of the voice, presumably Gaius, was nowhere to be seen, and he glanced around again, calling out, “Hello? Gaius?”

There was a startled noise from above, and Merlin looked up to see an elderly man on a haphazardly built high platform overbalance and begin to fall backwards. The drop was over twenty feet, enough that the man would surely be gravely injured, if not killed outright, and Merlin threw out a hand instinctively to slow the fall. He had done this on only a few occasions, slowing time, and he surveyed the room quickly for something to prevent disaster. Noticing a cot in the corner of the room, he grabbed for it with his magic and pushed it across the room. The man landed heavily on it, but rose immediately, unharmed.

“What did you just do?” the man asked imperiously. If he had been unsure of the man’s identity before, his sharp gaze and strong tone left him with no doubt that he was related to his mother.

“Erm...” Merlin glanced around nervously.

“Tell me.” Gaius demanded.

He shook his head frantically. “I have no idea what happened.”

“If someone had seen that-”

“That was nothing to do with me!” he stated.

Gaius narrowed his eyes at Merlin. “I know what it was. How is it you know magic?”

“I don’t.”

“Where did you study? Answer me!”

Merlin gestured wildly with his hands, as if flailing around might make his words more believable. “I’ve never studied magic, or been taught.”

“Are you lying to me, boy?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“The truth,” Gaius said harshly.

“I was born like this,” Merlin admitted.

Gaius shook his head. “That’s impossible. Who are you?”

“I have a letter. My mother sent me. I’m Merlin.”

“Hunith’s son?” Gaius said with recognition.

Merlin nodded and smiled nervously.

Gaius looked puzzled by this information. “I wasn’t expecting you until after the planting was finished.”

“Wasn’t expecting...” Merlin started, returning Gaius’ look of confusion. “You were expecting me?”

“Of course. Your mother wrote to me last fall asking me if I would consider taking you on as an apprentice.”

“She did? But... she never... I didn’t even know you existed until a week ago! She planned this...” Merlin trailed off, his mouth hanging open in shock.

Gaius put a hand on his shoulder and gave it a small squeeze. “She told me she didn’t think you fit in, that Ealdor was too small for you. I understand what she meant now.”

Merlin shook his head in disbelief. He’d had no inkling of his mother’s plan. It hurt a bit to think she had been planning on sending him away for so long but never mentioned a word to him. He wasn’t sure what to make of it. It occurred to him that the timing of the letter likely coincided with her discovery that Will knew about the magic. She really hadn’t trusted anyone to keep his secret.

“I started clearing the storage room for you to use,” Gaius said, nodding towards a door at the top of several stone steps. “There’s a bed in there already, though the rest is still quite a mess. I rather expected to have a bit more time to sort through everything. By the time you get to be my age, you tend to accumulate more possessions than is easy to keep track of.”

“Right,” Merlin nodded, still somewhat dazed. “I guess I’ll work on tidying things in there for you.”

Gaius smiled ruefully. “Don’t be upset with her, Merlin. She only wants what’s best for you.”

“I know,” he said, and walked up the steps to his new room.

“And Merlin,” Gaius called out after him. The older man gestured to the rumpled bed littered with bits of broken railing. “Thank you.”

He smiled weakly in acknowledgement, and disappeared into his new room.


Though Gaius had implied the storage room might take several days to clean up properly, in truth it only took a few hours of them both working together to redistribute the items stored there throughout the rest of Gaius’ rooms. Merlin had also helped to restore and reinforce the broken railing, with magic, and he wondered how someone’s expression could be both pleased and disapproving at the same time. It was nearly dark when Gaius declared them finished and began fussing with a pot of soup over the fire. The contents looked and smelled less than entirely appealing, but Merlin wasn’t one to complain in the face of generosity. Though the soup was bland at best, and appalling if he were truly honest, the tea Gaius brewed for them was quite good. Merlin tidied the bowls away and returned to sit with Gaius at the table, unsure of what to say or do.

Gaius smiled at him kindly. “How is your mother, then? I have often meant to visit, but you will notice that around here things always seem to crop up when you least expect it.”

“She’s well,” Merlin said simply. “There isn’t much excitement in Ealdor, but we keep busy. It was a milder winter and the harvest last year was quite good.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I haven’t seen Hunith since she was younger than you yourself. Perhaps, now that you are here, she will find cause to visit me.”

“Perhaps. Did you two correspond much? To be truthful, I had no idea we had any family left. She had never spoken of you until a week ago.”

Gaius shook his head. “We exchanged a few, very intermittent letters. Do you read?”

“Yes,” Merlin replied a bit too emphatically, then coloured a bit. “I mean, I know my letters and how to write things down, but there aren’t a lot of books in Ealdor, so I haven’t had much practice. I’m probably a bit slow at it.”

“Not to worry, Merlin. I understand. If you have the basics, that’s a good place to start. I expect you will get a lot of practice in the near future. I take it you don’t know Greek or Latin.”

Merlin shook his head, embarrassed. “No.”

“Don’t trouble yourself about it. You came here to learn. It would rather defeat the purpose if you arrived knowing everything already,” Gaius said, gesturing a touch wildly with his hand and knocking the teapot off the table.

Startled, Merlin froze the falling crockery and its scalding liquid in midair.

Gaius’ eyes widened and he muttered, “Incredible.”

Merlin stared back at him with a look of startled horror. “I’ve done it again.”

“Can you return it to the table?” Gaius asked with great curiosity.

With no more than a steady gaze, the pot righted itself and the suspended liquid poured itself back inside with a small splash.

“Sorry,” Merlin apologised.

“Absolutely incredible. Do you say the incantation in your mind? How do you do it?” Gaius inquired, still sounding rather astonished.

Merlin shrugged. “There’s no incantation. I don’t know how I do it. A lot of the time, it just happens by accident. I saw the teapot falling and I didn’t want it to break, so I stopped it.”

“How long have you been able to do this?”

“My whole life. My mother says I was moving things with magic before I could talk.”

“You will have to be very careful to keep your abilities secret. I scarcely need remind you the penalty if you are caught.”

“I’ve not done badly until now. No one back home ever caught me,” Merlin said, conveniently telling himself that Will didn’t count. Will hadn’t actually caught him; he had told Will.

“I hope for your sake you manage that here, as well,” Gaius said, emptying his cup of tea and putting the pot away. He turned back and nodded to Merlin. “Go on to bed now, Merlin. I expect you’re tired after your journey.”

Merlin, who had been trying to conceal his tiredness since they finished working, allowed himself a proper yawn and headed towards his room. “Goodnight Gaius.”


Gaius had been self deprecating about the accommodations he was able to provide, Merlin woke after a good night’s sleep in the most comfortable bed he had ever slept in. When he had been very small, he had shared the only bed in their home with his mother, but when he had become too gangly and fidgety his mother had moved him onto a pallet on the floor near the fire. It hadn’t ever seemed particularly uncomfortable, but even his mother’s straw filled mattress hadn’t been as comfortable as the one in his new bed. During the night, he had been able to hear a good deal more noise that he was accustomed to, but sleep came easily to him and he woke feeling refreshed. Something odd niggled at the edge of his mind, like a dream he couldn’t quite remember, but he pushed that aside and rose for the day.

Gaius sent him delivering remedies to various members of the court claiming it would help him get to know his way around the castle quicker, although it had mostly succeeded in getting him completely turned around and needing to ask for directions several times. After that, he ventured down to the market for some supplies that needed to be picked up. He managed to get lost trying to find the right street and ended up at the gates of the city watching a group of burly looking men pick on a boy not much younger than himself. The apparent leader of the group began throwing knives into the target the boy was carrying. Without realizing he had made the decision to do something, Merlin found himself confronting the rude blond hurling knives and insults.

“Come on, that’s enough,” he said, going for a friendly cajoling tone, but beginning to feel nervous as the muscular man with the weapons turned his focus.

The man gave him an astounded look. “What?”

Merlin knew he was committed now and tried desperately to keep his tone light. “You’ve had your fun, my friend.”

His heart began beating quickly in his chest as the rather obviously stronger man sauntered towards him. “Do I know you?”

Keeping his most amiable smile in place, Merlin extended a hand and tried not to look nervous. “I’m Merlin.”

“So I don’t know you,” the man responded flatly, completely ignoring Merlin’s hand.

“No,” Merlin said a bit weakly, dropping his hand.

“Yet you called me ‘friend,’” the man said, voice dripping with condescension.

Merlin’s heart was still racing. The blond had stopped advancing on him, but something about the man’s presence made his magic crackle just beneath his skin. He had the sudden feeling that things might go very badly, very quickly. “My mistake.”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Taking a step backwards and turning away, he said, “I’d never have a friend who could be such an ass.”

There was a small frisson of amusement from the man’s companions. “Or I one who could be so stupid. Tell me Merlin, do you know how to walk on your knees?”

He knew he had made a very serious misjudgement in stepping in, but he had committed himself now and wasn’t going to back down. His magic wouldn’t let him back down, thrumming through him as it was. In the face of arrogance, he threw arrogance back. “Nope.”

“Do you want me to help?”

“I wouldn’t if I were you.”

“Why?” the blond said with a laugh. “What are you going to do to me?”

“You have no idea.”

“Be my guest. Come on. Come on! Come ooooonnnnn!”

It was a stupid thing to do, Merlin knew that, but he couldn’t help himself. His magic was clamouring at him to do something and if he didn’t find a mundane way to release the energy, there was going to be a very visible display of magic. He threw a punch.

Which the arrogant blond caught neatly and twisted his arm behind his back. “I’ll have you in jail for that.”

“Who do you think you are? The king?” Merlin spat back.

His arm was twisted harder. “No, I’m his son. Arthur.”

Merlin’s stomach bottomed out, knowing he’d made a right mess of things, astoundingly quickly, but a traitorous part of him, the part of him that was magic, felt an odd thrill at being manhandled by the prince. For a split second, his mind flashed with an image of a very different hold from someone who both was and wasn’t the man at his back. A warm smile of affection and a hearty slap on the shoulder flickered in his memory, and were gone.

As soon as he was shoved away into the iron grip of two men at arms the pounding thrum of his magic departed as well, leaving Merlin suddenly drained and clumsier than usual as he was dragged roughly towards the dungeons. The only thing that made the horrible leaden feeling in his gut more bearable was knowing that the wild magic that had threatened to break free and expose him was now manageable again. He might be locked up for who knows how long, but he wasn’t bound for the block... at least he thought not. He had no idea what the punishment for throwing a punch at a prince was, but it couldn’t be execution, could it?


It had been a long, chilly night in the dungeons, but ultimately, Merlin had slept in far worse places. He woke to the low sound of someone calling his name. Jerking awake, he looked to the door, but no one was there. The voice called again, and it sounded like someone was speaking to him through the floor, which couldn’t be right. The dungeons were underneath the castle. Even if there happened to be something below him, the floors were solid stone. He crouched and pressed his ear to the floor, but the voice was still vague and directionless. Merlin had no idea what to make of it.

He didn’t have much time to think on it, however. Gaius arrived shortly after the voice faded away with the news that a day in the stocks was to be his punishment for taking a swing at the prince. It certainly wasn’t the worst thing that could have happened to him, all things considered, but being pelted with rotten vegetables was rather humiliating. A few people came up to talk to him while the younger children scrounged around for more projectiles once they had run out, and generally they were kind to him. He even received a hand in friendship from Lady Morgana’s handmaiden. Guinevere had said he was brave to stand up to the bullying prince, but Merlin only felt foolish.

He wasn’t sure what had come over him. Stunts like the one he had pulled yesterday were more like something Will might do. He often got dragged into his friend’s foolish antics, but he never initiated them. Also, for all the difficulties he had been having with his magic, he had never felt quite so out of control as he had when Prince Arthur had moved into his space, close enough for them to touch. Merlin had felt jittery with pent up energy he could barely contain. In the dark hours of the long night, he had ample time to reflect on just how close he had come to letting loose a torrent of magic for all of Camelot to see. The thought of it filled his heart with a cold dread.

Sometime after midday, one of the castle guards came to unshackle him. His legs ached and his back was stiff, but he managed a small smile at the man. The guard ignored him and replaced the heavy wooden yoke, then disappeared into the guardhouse, manacles in hand. Merlin ruffled his hair to shake out the worst of the vegetable matter and shuffled back towards the castle in embarrassment. His wrists were a bit raw and his shirt was a mess, but on the whole he hadn’t come out of his lapse in judgement too badly. The thought of Gaius’ disappointment waiting for him made his heart heavy, but there was little help for that now.

Merlin tried to sneak through the main room and into his own without being noticed. He knew getting through without being berated was too much to hope for, but he wished for it all the same. Gaius looked up from his work with a raised eyebrow and a moderately disapproving expression, yet said nothing. When Merlin opened the door to his room he managed a smile at the sight of a washbasin, soap and a cloth sitting on the small table. Merlin picked up the bucket of water from the floor and filled the basin, heating the water by magic without a second thought.

“Thanks Gaius,” he called softly through the door, before shutting it and trying to regain some of his battered pride.

When he had washed and changed his shirt, Merlin slunk out of his room, eyes downcast. He knew Gaius had more to say on the subject of his altercation with the prince and the reprieve he had been granted was certainly over. It wasn’t the words that made a dressing down from his mother awful; it was the look of disappointment on her face that hurt him most. Merlin had no doubt Gaius had an equally guilt inducing expression that would make whatever he was about to hear that much worse.

Gaius set a bowl of soup in front of the empty chair and sat down across from it with a cup of tea in hand. Merlin accepted the meal gratefully, as he hadn’t eaten since lunch the previous day, and sat down to take what was coming to him.

“Care to explain what happened yesterday?” Gaius asked in a voice that was wry but not unkind.

Merlin kept his eyes fixed on the bowl in front of him. “Didn’t they tell you?”

“I have some idea of what transpired, though I do believe I have very much gotten only one side of the story.”

“I got lost on my way through town, and then I stumbled into this group of men picking on a boy. They were throwing knives at him!” Merlin said hotly and glanced up.

Gaius’ eyebrow quirked upward, speaking volumes without saying a word.

“He was trying to move the target for them, and this bully kept throwing knives at him! I told him to stop.”

“That bully, Merlin, was Prince Arthur.”

“I know that now. That doesn’t make what he was doing right, though.”

“I happen to agree with you, but antagonizing him wasn’t a wise move.”

“I’d do it again.”

“That’s what I was afraid of. Still you don’t seem the sort to resort to fists. Or was that an exaggeration on the Prince’s part.”

Merlin shook his head. “No, I threw a punch.”

“What on earth possessed you to do that?”

“It was doing that or something much worse. The closer I got, the harder my magic was to control. It was almost like a swarm of flies, buzzing on my skin, and if I didn’t do something, they were all going to fly off me and everyone would know. Throwing a punch seemed like the safer option.”

Gaius let out a snort of exasperated mirth. “Only you would think starting a fist fight with the prince a safe option.”

“Safer. And for the record, Arthur was literally begging me to hit him.”

“That’s Prince Arthur to you, Merlin.”

“Prince Prat, if you ask me.”

“Getting into the habit of referring to him like that won’t help your cause.”

“He’s a bully, Gaius. What kind of king is he going to be if no one tells him he’s being an ass?”

“I’ll admit the young prince lacks a bit in the areas of empathy and compassion. I’m certain he will mature with age.”

“What does he need for that then? Grey hairs? Come on, Gaius, he must be about the same age as I am, and you don’t see me throwing knives at people.”

“Just punches at royalty.” Merlin opened his mouth to respond, but Gaius raised a hand in supplication. “I’m not saying you’re wrong, Merlin, but it isn’t your place to interfere. In fact, if being close to him affected you magic so greatly, I suggest you do your best to avoid the prince as much as possible.”

“You won’t get any argument from me. I don’t want anything to do with him.”

“And be respectful if you do encounter him. Now, if you’re done, I have a list of things I need from the market. I sent someone to fetch them yesterday,” Gaius said, quirking his lips into a wry grin, “but they never returned. It’s so hard to find good help these days.”

“I’m sorry about all this, Gaius. I hope I haven’t caused you too much trouble,” Merlin said quietly.

Gaius shook his head. “I actually think the king was more amused than upset by it, but do try to stay out of trouble this time.”

Merlin nodded and accepted the list Gaius handed him. “Straight there and back.”



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