04. happy birthday nam woohyun!
Once upon a time, a baby boy was born to the King and Queen of the kingdom. His parents were so elated they invited six fairy godfathers to his christening. They offered him gifts greater than gold and precious spices: they bestowed on him cooking talent and beauty and the opportunity to live in a house occupied by seven breathtaking female idols when he was old enough.
The King and Queen, with tears of gratitude and happiness running down their cheeks, named him Nam Boohyun.
Five years later, the royal family welcomed another baby boy. This time, they invited only five fairy godfathers to his christening and the ritual was repeated. A few examples of what the fairies gifted this baby was the drive to flash his abs, to have a beautiful eye smile and the ability to hip thrust perfectly. Just as the final fairy was about to grant his gift to the baby, the sixth fairy burst into the castle.
"I can't believe you left me out of this," Sunggyu screeched like he did in his spare time as an indie band singer, "I now place a curse upon this infant that on the day he turns sixteen and henceforth, he will possess a voice that will always leave me as the main singer and exude a greasiness so thick that anyone afflicted by it will drown in it and die."
He stormed out the castle and the final fairy, Dongwoo, comforted the crying King and Queen by doing his best to contain the curse. "I cannot do anything about the first part," he said, "but instead of dying, those touched by his greasiness will fall madly in love with him instead."
The King thanked him profusely while the Queen cradled the baby in her arms, who had started to make funny bunny noises. Myungsoo tickled the baby, who hiccuped happily and made even louder bunny noises. Hoya, who was standing at the corner, flinched.
"Thank you," she said as both she and her husband waved them off. The fairies made their way back into the forest, some mildly disturbed by the aegyo noises and all apprehensive about prince Nam Woohyun's cursed future.
Woohyun grew up singing in the shower while his brother had strange dreams of kimchi fried rice and girls in retro outfits or the same said girls with furry tails who ate kimchi fried rice. The King and Queen were extremely proud and happy at their perfect family, but as Woohyun grew older and older, they began to worry.
On his sixteenth birthday, there were no celebrations because his parents did not want Woohyun to afflict anybody with anything. He spent his day in his room, admiring his chocolate abs while eating chocolate cake his brother baked. It was a good birthday.
The next day, Woohyun went to school as usual. He said Excuse me to a lady whose foot was in the way on the subway and Thank you to the girl who wished him a happy birthday. It was an ordinary school day but the next morning, when he woke up and walked into the large dining area for breakfast, the floor was covered with hundreds of letters and gifts in paper bags and cardboard boxes.
"What did you do at school yesterday?" the Queen wept as Boohyun almost tripped over a large teddy bear. The King stood next to the Queen, his face a deathly shade of pale.
"Just what i usually do," Woohyun said, puzzled. "I winked at my teacher when she gave me a B and I got an A- instead, and I threw hearts at the cafeteria ladies and the students in line to make them laugh. Nothing special."
"I want to become a singer," he told his parents breathlessly on his seventeenth birthday. It was because he was finding it difficult to breathe as all the presents were suffocating him.
"Of course," the King said weakly. "Do you want me to buy a record company for you?" The Queen just nodded as her husband spoke.
Woohyun stared and sighed. He wanted them to say no, to tell him not to be ridiculous but they were enthralled by their perfect son, just like everybody else. It was a lonely existence.
By the time Woohyun turned eighteen, the whole country was enamoured by him. They laughed at his jokes and they bought multiple albums of his songs; they even threw hearts back at him, their eyes shining with rapture.
Boohyun moved out just after he turned nineteen, into that house he was promised because the crown prince’s room had to be turned into a warehouse for all the gifts, from handmade sweaters to designer handbags. There were talks about filming Boohyun and the Seven Idols, a cooking show where he turned things like poisoned apples into delicious apple pies completely safe for consumption but that idea fell through. They filmed a show called Pretty Boys instead.
(but this story is about Nam Woohyun, not his older brother)
Somewhere in their super clean, super high tech comfortable dorm with marble floors, the five fairies watched Woohyun as he grew up because there were hidden cameras placed all around the castle. They weren't affected because they wore special glasses, dubbed the Reality Lenses. Life was a lot more boring with them on, but they needed to be protected.
Sunggyu wasn't around, because he was in another country, touring with his band and everything was going according to plan - he was selling even more albums than Woohyun.
For the five fairies, their reactions to Woohyun's antics were varied: Myungsoo was as proud as he could be while Hoya was a lot more embarrassed.
"I wish he would shut up and flash his abs more."
Dongwoo chastened him ("Be mine--I mean, be nice to your godson!") and wondered sadly at what sort of heart-throwing, ridiculously charming monster he had created.
The moment Kim Sunggyu stepped off the plane and into the airport, he was suddenly aware at the horrible music blasting from the multiple televsion screens. It was horrible not because the singer couldn’t sing, but because it was filled with manufactured beats and slick music and the kind of mainstream appeal that made his blood curl. Sunggyu lived a simple life because most things could be solved by asking a very elementary question: What would Nell do?
Certainly not this.
With his head starting to pound, Sunggyu made the mistake of looking at one of the screens and he saw a boy, singing and dancing and oh god, this boy was perfect. Well maybe not his voice, because he knew he had a better voice but this boy had it all: the moves, the aura, the smile that made Sunggyu reach unconsciously for his cellphone.
Everyone needs to listen to the song, 'Namstar'. Go go go! he typed and he could feel something deep inside him, fighting the urge to hit send. This post will be read by his five hundred thousand followers on Twitter, and there was no going back from this point. At this very moment, at Sunggyu's most conflicted and vulnerable moment, the boy chose to lift up his shirt while winking at the camera.
The next few minutes were a blur and when Sunggyu finally came to be aware of his surroundings, he realised he was outside a very familiar castle with his arms filled with all sorts of gifts: cakes and sweets and even a cage of two nimble hamsters chasing each other. How strange.
His feet carried him to the wide gates and when he knocked on the door, the Queen opened the door before slamming it in his face. The hamsters squeaked.
Before he knew it, there were guards surrounding him and the boy, that same boy on the television was pushing open the doors of the castle and telling the guards to back away.
"You're just here to pass me these things, right?" he asked. "Not to cause any harm to me or kidnap me to your faraway tower." He laughed, and laughter boomed around Sunggyu as the guards laughed as well, their eyes trained intently on the boy. There was a look that can only be described as infatuation across their features.
Sunggyu exhaled. So this was Nam Woohyun. "I'm not here to do any harm to you," he said, "but I did place a curse on you when you were a baby."
Woohyun stared at him. "You gave me this terrible power?"
"No, everyone who came into contact with you was supposed to die."
"...Oh."
Sunggyu exhaled again. "But now we have an even bigger problem."
"What?"
"I'm in love with you. It's rather inconvenient. And embarrassing."
"It's my twenty-first birthday today. You could, you know, reverse the curse with your fairy powers."
"I could try," Sunggyu said, and he placed the gifts down next to his feet, settling down the hamster cage with the most care. He picked up one of the boxes and peeled open the top carefully. In front of him, Woohyun was tip-toeing, trying to catch a glimpse of its contents. Sunggyu balanced the cake on one hand and before Woohyun could react, Sunggyu grabbed a handful using his other hand and flung it at Woohyun.
It hit him in squarely in the face and with a loud, wet plop, cream and cake slid down and spattered on and around Woohyun's shoes.
He stared at Sunggyu, mouth parted slightly in disbelief. Sunggyu shrugged and closed the distance between them, leaning in for a kiss. Woohyun's mouth was wet and sweet and sticky up against his own, and when Sunggyu was sure he was light-headed due to the lack of oxygen and not because he was kissing Nam Woohyun, he stepped back.
Woohyun's eyes were glazed and he blinked quickly as the realization flooded back into them.
"Happy birthday, Woohyun," Sunggyu said. "I don't think I mind being in love with you after all."
the rest of the fairies burst out from inside the castle and they spent the rest of the day eating cake off woohyun (even hoya) and sunggyu took special care to spread it across his jaw and neck and torso before cleaning him off with his tongue. and then they lived happily ever after the end