FAIL.
My ignorance, stupidity, self-centered behavior and repeated inability to open up and share with the person that means the most in the world to me has put me in a position such that I am afraid I might lose the love of my life. Even now, as I sit here seven or so hours after the fact, I am kicking myself as hard as I can. I cannot believe that I was so wrapped up into myself that I abused the one person who makes life worthwhile.
Memories of those first few weeks come rushing back, sitting around in the sun, the first time he told me he loved me, the reasons why. The things that I let myself lose sight of and am afraid I might not ever get back. When you bottle things up, they fester, blow up out of proportion into something bigger than it really is, manifests itself in your head, makes itself true. I projected so much onto others for so long that it was only to be expected. Yup, there's Christina, tearing up at her desk because she treats the man who loves her like shit, bottles everything up, and almost lost it all.
I can't let that happen.
Venting has been great. Writing for myself has been great. Clearly, though, I need to get back in touch with what matters: real life.
I need to focus on getting my life together.
I need to re-focus on those who matter most to me.
There are too many things I need to work on that simply cannot wait.
They have waited far too long already.
Take care of what you love.
Take nothing for granted.
Live your life to the fullest.
Ciao, bellas. I do not know if I will be back.
Memories of those first few weeks come rushing back, sitting around in the sun, the first time he told me he loved me, the reasons why. The things that I let myself lose sight of and am afraid I might not ever get back. When you bottle things up, they fester, blow up out of proportion into something bigger than it really is, manifests itself in your head, makes itself true. I projected so much onto others for so long that it was only to be expected. Yup, there's Christina, tearing up at her desk because she treats the man who loves her like shit, bottles everything up, and almost lost it all.
I can't let that happen.
Venting has been great. Writing for myself has been great. Clearly, though, I need to get back in touch with what matters: real life.
I need to focus on getting my life together.
I need to re-focus on those who matter most to me.
There are too many things I need to work on that simply cannot wait.
They have waited far too long already.
Take care of what you love.
Take nothing for granted.
Live your life to the fullest.
Ciao, bellas. I do not know if I will be back.