How fucking fitting?
So I thought the drive back to my mothers house would be easy by myself, turns out wrong.
I just couldnt sit there in the fucking Arnada anymore, even if beer was a fucking dollar a pint. One of the twins started playing fucking Sade' and I just broke down, sorry this song has to much emotional value to just sit there in my situation. Cath gave me her keys after I demanded to leave, walking outside I happen to notice 4 cops outside the Elbow room. This to my surprize did not stop me from getting where I wanted to be. The drive was long, long and lonely driving down those fucking backroads. Van Halen was blareing in the background, tonight was a good night I thought. Stopped off to grab a beer on my way, meth acne was all I saw. One zombie asked me for a dollar to which I replied "you fucking wigger! just climb back into the backwall you were spawned from." Where this came from I couldnt even tell you, shit wasnt even fucking funny. The drive went on threw forth plain and fruit valley in which Eddie Money just wouldnt fucking stop, this went on almost till salmon creek. Bad times.
About 4 miles around the corner from my mothers house I switched the station, this was another bad choice I've made this night. Coldplay's "The Scientist" came on, what the fuck have I gotten myself into? why would this fucking song come on right now at this fucking moment?. Not only did I realize how big of a fuckup I am, but why should I continue to try. Even if I just try to be a friends? I'm going about this whole thing completly wrong. I havent even given enough space for myself to get used to things the way they have to be. Shit I really am coming off like a selfish asshole! I try and try just to try to make things better without even thinking of the other person. This has to stop. I'm overreacting just like I always do, but mere thought of her tears me up. I just want to be near her, even if it's not sunggling or exchangeing "I love you's". Even though I'm so fucked that I continue to say that, I shouldnt and its not fair and it isnt just habbit, this is real and the only way it is meant to be said. Still this fucking song just flipped me off the deep end. Why and how the fuck could I still have these feelings? it's only been a couple of days, I should be fine right?. Understanding it's over romaticly isnt the hard part. Not being able to see that person when you want to or even just hearing there fucking voice is. No one will ever understand what we both had, including the both of us. Maybe this was to early, and maybe it shouldnt have happend?. All I know is I can remember every moment as the best I have ever had in my life, and belive me I haved lived a long life. I wouldnt trade anything good or bad for the times we have shared, not even being a religous person I do belive in faith. I think I have this understanding, and there was a reason for us to meet and even share so much between eachother. We are meant to be, I just cant sit there and tell you why anymore. The cards are delt, and maybe this time we both fold. I dont belive this is the end, it's just not the way it was supposed to be, but for your sake and both our sanity it's just the way it is. You once gave me a card with me and you kissing and on the inside it wrote "never let go". I promise just like I told you the other night I never would. I love you Holly, you still are my everything even throughout all this bullshit. I know n my heart I will never get over you or what we had. I will never forget or let go. For now just know I am there, no matter what happens. I love you more than anyone in the world always.
I just couldnt sit there in the fucking Arnada anymore, even if beer was a fucking dollar a pint. One of the twins started playing fucking Sade' and I just broke down, sorry this song has to much emotional value to just sit there in my situation. Cath gave me her keys after I demanded to leave, walking outside I happen to notice 4 cops outside the Elbow room. This to my surprize did not stop me from getting where I wanted to be. The drive was long, long and lonely driving down those fucking backroads. Van Halen was blareing in the background, tonight was a good night I thought. Stopped off to grab a beer on my way, meth acne was all I saw. One zombie asked me for a dollar to which I replied "you fucking wigger! just climb back into the backwall you were spawned from." Where this came from I couldnt even tell you, shit wasnt even fucking funny. The drive went on threw forth plain and fruit valley in which Eddie Money just wouldnt fucking stop, this went on almost till salmon creek. Bad times.
About 4 miles around the corner from my mothers house I switched the station, this was another bad choice I've made this night. Coldplay's "The Scientist" came on, what the fuck have I gotten myself into? why would this fucking song come on right now at this fucking moment?. Not only did I realize how big of a fuckup I am, but why should I continue to try. Even if I just try to be a friends? I'm going about this whole thing completly wrong. I havent even given enough space for myself to get used to things the way they have to be. Shit I really am coming off like a selfish asshole! I try and try just to try to make things better without even thinking of the other person. This has to stop. I'm overreacting just like I always do, but mere thought of her tears me up. I just want to be near her, even if it's not sunggling or exchangeing "I love you's". Even though I'm so fucked that I continue to say that, I shouldnt and its not fair and it isnt just habbit, this is real and the only way it is meant to be said. Still this fucking song just flipped me off the deep end. Why and how the fuck could I still have these feelings? it's only been a couple of days, I should be fine right?. Understanding it's over romaticly isnt the hard part. Not being able to see that person when you want to or even just hearing there fucking voice is. No one will ever understand what we both had, including the both of us. Maybe this was to early, and maybe it shouldnt have happend?. All I know is I can remember every moment as the best I have ever had in my life, and belive me I haved lived a long life. I wouldnt trade anything good or bad for the times we have shared, not even being a religous person I do belive in faith. I think I have this understanding, and there was a reason for us to meet and even share so much between eachother. We are meant to be, I just cant sit there and tell you why anymore. The cards are delt, and maybe this time we both fold. I dont belive this is the end, it's just not the way it was supposed to be, but for your sake and both our sanity it's just the way it is. You once gave me a card with me and you kissing and on the inside it wrote "never let go". I promise just like I told you the other night I never would. I love you Holly, you still are my everything even throughout all this bullshit. I know n my heart I will never get over you or what we had. I will never forget or let go. For now just know I am there, no matter what happens. I love you more than anyone in the world always.