"Under the boardwalk....."
....or along the canal....specifically the Canal in Indianapolis, Indiana at about 11:30 at night.
So I realize it's been a few days since I said I'd give a big update, but I have a good reason, I promise! :-) Anyway, I went to Indianapolis to see a friend who has been having a hard time living there. He's not originally from Indy, but he's been living there this summer with his best friend (well, former best friend). Recently, he found out bad things about this guy that he had been seeing from his school. He found out this guy lied and basically cheated on him almost the entire time they were together. Poor guy, right? Well it got worse. He's been having health troubles, not eating properly, not sleeping well, and missing classes (he took summer classes). Basically, he slipped into a bit of depression.
QUICK SIDENOTE: When I first met Alex, I thought he was the most unbreakable person ever. We've known each other for a few years when he moved to my old town and we went to high school together. As time went on, our friendship developed into more, just with bad timing. First I had a crush on him, then he had a crush on me, and by senior year we were still in this weird dance of feelings. Eventually we finally got it together and he became the first person I fell in love with. At the end of the year, we graduated and went to two different universities, only about 6 hours apart. He ended up cheating on me after getting extremely drunk one night during freshman year. After all this time, my feelings for him have been in limbo, yet still on the LOVE end of the scale. We've been friends, but not close ever since. On my part, out of fear of making my feelings known and being hurt again.....I found out his reasons during my visit.
OK, so that sidenote wasn't so quick, but I felt I needed to explain where my relationship with Alex stems. Also, I realized that in my sleepy stupor, I said I was visiting a friend from school...I should have clarified that it was HIGH school. LOL
The first night I was there, we talked about his problems with the guy from school. Goodness this guy turned out to be an asshole. My heart really went out to Alex. We fell asleep with "From Justin to Kelly" (lame, I know) playing on mute. Me on the couch and him in a big comfy chair. I wanted him to be on the couch with me.
Since I was bound and determined to bring Alex from his depression, I decided the best thing was to get him to show me around Indy, since I had only been there a few times before now. He seemed very eager when we got ready on Friday morning. He ran through a list of things as we ate breakfast. BTW, his apartment complex has a great lake in the center of it that he has an incredible view in the morning of it from his balcony. We went to Circle Center Mall, the Zoo, the Eiteljorg Museum, the Children's Museum, The Abbey Coffeehouse, and the Canal on the White River. All of the things that are listed before the Abbey were done during the day, then we rested for a bit for dinner, and went to the Abbey for a bit. The Abbey is a gay-friendly coffeehouse on the edge of downtown Indy. We hung out there until about 9:30 and decided to go to the Canal with some of his friends that he had made there.
While we were walking down the Canal with his friends, he pulls me back so we're a distance from the rest of the group. We stopped at this cool stairway area and sat for a bit to talk. He told me how much he appreciated me coming to Indy to try and help him with everything. He took my hands in his, and finally looked me in the eyes. His were glistening under the moonlight as they filled with tears. In that moment, he didn't have to say anything as he moved in and kissed me....softly, like the first time we did the "I love you" thing. (Yes, I still remember that night....vividly). He told me that after almost two years of being distant acquaintences, he still had feelings for me. He regretted that night back in the Fall of 2002 and there wasn't a day when he didn't beat himself up about it. He went through times when he would want to call me or talk to me online, but was afraid to for fear that I hated him. (Little did he know...lol) After he finished spilling his guts, it was my turn. I told him I would have come to Indy even had he not been having problems, all he had to do was ask and I'd be there. I told him how I still had feelings for him too, and no matter what happened, I would have done anything to be by his side for the past almost 2 years. We kissed again, got up, found his friends, and said our goodbyes for the night. By now it was still before midnight. With the exception of my first night in town, he hadn't been in the apartment before 1 am for almost a month. We went back to the apartment before midnight that Thursday night. His roommate had gone home-home for the weekend, so we knew we wouldn't be disturbed. He grabbed some blankets and pillows, and we spread them out on the living room floor in front of the TV, lit some candles, and put in The Lion King (sounds weird considering the current situation, but it's our favorite movie). We cuddled together and watched the movie. (HAHA, bet you thought we were going to make the sex right there!!! Well no! :-P) We fell asleep in each other's arms. I vaguely remember him getting up to blow the candles out so we didn't burn down the neighborhood. That night was undeniably the best of my life.
When we woke up on Friday (wow this has turned into a super long entry...UGH!) we were still in each other's arms. It was one of those Kodak-gay moments! LoL During the day, we explored Indy some more with the cute flirty things going on between us. We got lots of weird looks in public, but we didn't care, dammit! So we were basically cutesy all day, no matter who was around, even though we toned it down quite a bit while we were in public, don't wanna get clubbed like baby seals anytime soon. So night came, my last in Indy before leaving on Saturday evening. We had to talk about what was going on with us now. Would this work?, Do we trust each other?, etc. We decided that given how we felt, there was no way this wouldn't work.....but we'd still just let time and fate work their magic and whatever happens will happen. We actually slept in the bed that night, still with no sex. It was wonderful. It was like nothing had ever happened almost 2 years ago. I felt safe and comfortable and all those good things that come with being in love for the first time since we broke up. We were each others' firsts for a lot of things....and with any luck, we'll be each others' lasts. Yeah, we've been apart for two years, seeing other people and what not....but we've both grown in two years and we learned...and we're still right back where we started.
OK, so since this entry has gone on forever with just one subject, I'm going to end it now. I'm tired! That was a lot of freaking writing and I want to sleep. If you read all this, thank you and congratulations!!! LoL OK, have a great ni..err, day everyone!
Much love!
OH, and in my mini-entry, I mentioned a date update. Before everything in Indianapolis happened, I had a date scheduled with Anthony on Monday. It turned out to be me telling him about the whole adventure with Alex and that things just couldn't work right now, but I'd still very much like to be friends. He was totally cool about it, he said he understood how true love works and he wouldn't stand in the way of it, and since we've known each other such a short time, friends is just fine with him. AWWW, awesome! OK, foril this time...GOODNIGHT!
So I realize it's been a few days since I said I'd give a big update, but I have a good reason, I promise! :-) Anyway, I went to Indianapolis to see a friend who has been having a hard time living there. He's not originally from Indy, but he's been living there this summer with his best friend (well, former best friend). Recently, he found out bad things about this guy that he had been seeing from his school. He found out this guy lied and basically cheated on him almost the entire time they were together. Poor guy, right? Well it got worse. He's been having health troubles, not eating properly, not sleeping well, and missing classes (he took summer classes). Basically, he slipped into a bit of depression.
QUICK SIDENOTE: When I first met Alex, I thought he was the most unbreakable person ever. We've known each other for a few years when he moved to my old town and we went to high school together. As time went on, our friendship developed into more, just with bad timing. First I had a crush on him, then he had a crush on me, and by senior year we were still in this weird dance of feelings. Eventually we finally got it together and he became the first person I fell in love with. At the end of the year, we graduated and went to two different universities, only about 6 hours apart. He ended up cheating on me after getting extremely drunk one night during freshman year. After all this time, my feelings for him have been in limbo, yet still on the LOVE end of the scale. We've been friends, but not close ever since. On my part, out of fear of making my feelings known and being hurt again.....I found out his reasons during my visit.
OK, so that sidenote wasn't so quick, but I felt I needed to explain where my relationship with Alex stems. Also, I realized that in my sleepy stupor, I said I was visiting a friend from school...I should have clarified that it was HIGH school. LOL
The first night I was there, we talked about his problems with the guy from school. Goodness this guy turned out to be an asshole. My heart really went out to Alex. We fell asleep with "From Justin to Kelly" (lame, I know) playing on mute. Me on the couch and him in a big comfy chair. I wanted him to be on the couch with me.
Since I was bound and determined to bring Alex from his depression, I decided the best thing was to get him to show me around Indy, since I had only been there a few times before now. He seemed very eager when we got ready on Friday morning. He ran through a list of things as we ate breakfast. BTW, his apartment complex has a great lake in the center of it that he has an incredible view in the morning of it from his balcony. We went to Circle Center Mall, the Zoo, the Eiteljorg Museum, the Children's Museum, The Abbey Coffeehouse, and the Canal on the White River. All of the things that are listed before the Abbey were done during the day, then we rested for a bit for dinner, and went to the Abbey for a bit. The Abbey is a gay-friendly coffeehouse on the edge of downtown Indy. We hung out there until about 9:30 and decided to go to the Canal with some of his friends that he had made there.
While we were walking down the Canal with his friends, he pulls me back so we're a distance from the rest of the group. We stopped at this cool stairway area and sat for a bit to talk. He told me how much he appreciated me coming to Indy to try and help him with everything. He took my hands in his, and finally looked me in the eyes. His were glistening under the moonlight as they filled with tears. In that moment, he didn't have to say anything as he moved in and kissed me....softly, like the first time we did the "I love you" thing. (Yes, I still remember that night....vividly). He told me that after almost two years of being distant acquaintences, he still had feelings for me. He regretted that night back in the Fall of 2002 and there wasn't a day when he didn't beat himself up about it. He went through times when he would want to call me or talk to me online, but was afraid to for fear that I hated him. (Little did he know...lol) After he finished spilling his guts, it was my turn. I told him I would have come to Indy even had he not been having problems, all he had to do was ask and I'd be there. I told him how I still had feelings for him too, and no matter what happened, I would have done anything to be by his side for the past almost 2 years. We kissed again, got up, found his friends, and said our goodbyes for the night. By now it was still before midnight. With the exception of my first night in town, he hadn't been in the apartment before 1 am for almost a month. We went back to the apartment before midnight that Thursday night. His roommate had gone home-home for the weekend, so we knew we wouldn't be disturbed. He grabbed some blankets and pillows, and we spread them out on the living room floor in front of the TV, lit some candles, and put in The Lion King (sounds weird considering the current situation, but it's our favorite movie). We cuddled together and watched the movie. (HAHA, bet you thought we were going to make the sex right there!!! Well no! :-P) We fell asleep in each other's arms. I vaguely remember him getting up to blow the candles out so we didn't burn down the neighborhood. That night was undeniably the best of my life.
When we woke up on Friday (wow this has turned into a super long entry...UGH!) we were still in each other's arms. It was one of those Kodak-gay moments! LoL During the day, we explored Indy some more with the cute flirty things going on between us. We got lots of weird looks in public, but we didn't care, dammit! So we were basically cutesy all day, no matter who was around, even though we toned it down quite a bit while we were in public, don't wanna get clubbed like baby seals anytime soon. So night came, my last in Indy before leaving on Saturday evening. We had to talk about what was going on with us now. Would this work?, Do we trust each other?, etc. We decided that given how we felt, there was no way this wouldn't work.....but we'd still just let time and fate work their magic and whatever happens will happen. We actually slept in the bed that night, still with no sex. It was wonderful. It was like nothing had ever happened almost 2 years ago. I felt safe and comfortable and all those good things that come with being in love for the first time since we broke up. We were each others' firsts for a lot of things....and with any luck, we'll be each others' lasts. Yeah, we've been apart for two years, seeing other people and what not....but we've both grown in two years and we learned...and we're still right back where we started.
OK, so since this entry has gone on forever with just one subject, I'm going to end it now. I'm tired! That was a lot of freaking writing and I want to sleep. If you read all this, thank you and congratulations!!! LoL OK, have a great ni..err, day everyone!
Much love!
OH, and in my mini-entry, I mentioned a date update. Before everything in Indianapolis happened, I had a date scheduled with Anthony on Monday. It turned out to be me telling him about the whole adventure with Alex and that things just couldn't work right now, but I'd still very much like to be friends. He was totally cool about it, he said he understood how true love works and he wouldn't stand in the way of it, and since we've known each other such a short time, friends is just fine with him. AWWW, awesome! OK, foril this time...GOODNIGHT!