because there's nothing else to do at 3am.
i don't really know why i'm writing this. just that it's nearly 3am, and i can't sleep. this, as of late, has been around the time i fall asleep. the other night, the night that i had to miss honor's birthday because when i stood up i got dizzy, i took nyquil and slept for 11 hours straight. i remember waking up and looking around a few times during the night, then bringing my head back down to hit, not the pillow, but the metal bedframe. for some reason it didn't hurt even though any other night this action would have illicited a string of expletives -- i was just so tired that i don't think the pain registered with my brain, or maybe i was too tired to care. i'm just trying to survive right now. today in painting i refused to take off my sunglasses -- because of purple and puffy undereyes and bloodshot whites -- for the first hour of class, though i got weird looks and professor dibella called me jackie o. that was the most flattering thing i'd heard in a long time. it brought a smile to my face even though i didn't really feel like smiling, as the general lack of food in my system and my recent illness had left me weak and the morning's interactions had led to frazzled nerves and a general feeling of uneasiness. things, thank goodness, are finally calming down and are starting to make sense. i guess calming down isn't the right way to put it. things got resolved. there, that's better. brian was right -- me and you, we've got our whole lives ahead of us. we'll be okay.